The Daily Honky Tonk

The Daily Honky Tonk 193rd Edition

2011-02-27T17:32:00.001-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
193rd Edition
Sunday, February 27, 2011
4:32 PM

Yep, you guessed it Kori, I haven’t been writing because I’ve been dating a girl. Her name is Whitney Boesch and as of a week and a half ago we are engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is busy with church responsibilities so I thought I would do a little writing.
Contents:
Engagement Story
Cooking

Engagement Story

So, Whitney and I have talked about getting married for a while. So, when we were both finally certain about getting engaged it was time for me to go find a ring and make things official. Whitney allowed me to pick it out myself. I did a bit of research and after three weeks I finally had the ring.
I ordered the ring online and FedEx said they delivered it to my apartment on Valentine’s Morning. When I left school to check at my apartment, it wasn’t there. I started panicking. Did it get stolen? I called the company and they sent a new one. However, that evening a neighbor at a nearby complex delivered the box to its correct location. Thank goodness.
Now, I did not plan to propose on Valentine’s Day (and the fact that I found the ring finally near Valentine’s day kind of bugged me) as I think that it would be way too corny and cliche. So I set up a date for a nice dinner on Saturday (I did this when I thought I wasn’t going to have a ring). I wanted a nice dinner to be an affirmation that things were still going well since I didn’t think I would have the ring for another week. When I got the ring later that afternoon I suggested that after classes on Wednesday Whitney come over and I would make her her favorite meal- Lasagna.
So, Whitney did think I was going to propose on Valentine’s Day. And then she believed that I was using Wednesday to throw her off from Saturday (which ended up being our celebration dinner). Which in the end, allowed me to keep the element of surprise that I wanted.
After I got out of class on Wednesday I went to Caleb’s apartment and made the lasagna, breadsticks, and salad while his roommates helped build a magnificent blanket fort in which to have a candlelit dinner. (Don’t worry, we built it with couches stood on end with a mattress laying across so that it was tall and sturdy enough not to get knocked down-funny, nobody actually considers that detail when I tell the story). I got home just in time to change into a nice shirt and freshen up a little. When Whitney arrived at my apartment, I told her we were actually going somewhere else to eat. I blindfolded her with the only thing that I had convenient, a pair of pajama pants I got for Christmas. I carefully led her down to my car and took her to Caleb’s apartment. I helped her into the blanket fort and then took off the “blindfold”.
We proceeded to have a nice candlelit dinner. After eating, I pulled out my guitar and played her a song which I had written for her, at which point she started to cry, not because my song was incredible, though I think it’s good, but because she realized I was proposing. So, after the song I moved the guitar out of the way and went from sitting to one knee- which isn’t as big a change as going from standing to being on one knee by the way. And proposed and she said “Yes!!”.
We celebrated, called families, drank virgin pina coladas and then went to the library so she could take a religion test before midnight.
And I am joyous!!! Now if we can just work out a date.

Cooking

While growing up I knew at least one thing about leaving home- my parent’s children were not going to be helpless bums in college. It was absolutely unacceptable to lack the basic skills for cleaning, laundry, and following a recipe. There was to be no complaining about these tasks when we did them as children else we would get a reminder of the coming of future times in which we would have to do it on our own when we not embarrass our mother by being helpless. For this I am very grateful.
However, knowing how to cook at home, for a group larger than one, with a house full of ingredients and cooking resources is a lot different than being in college. While I knew how to cook, I did not know how to meal plan for a week. And while my parents had explained the principles- plan your meal around what is on sale, eat a variety of foods, and don’t diet on just cereal- actually making everything happen was harder than I realized.
Some of things that I had to adjust to were times required to cook. Its a lot easier to eat a bowl of cereal in five minutes and then go play or get back to homework than it is to take an extra hour to cook. Also, having fresh fruits and vegetables on hand seemed pointless when I found them going bad before I could use them (and without the confidence of knowing exactly when they would). I also didn’t like the fact that cooking for one was never as satisfactory as letting others enjoy the food with you. I never felt like I was worth the time to cook for- things have since changed.
Sometime near the end of summer I decided that cooking was going to be a larger priority. If I wanted to know how to cook well, if I wanted to be able to meal plan, and if I wanted to be efficient at cooking it was going to take some extra practice. I was also worried about the extra expense of veggies, fruits, and meats I wasn’t buying. After taking a deep breath, I realized that if I just let go and was less thrifty for a time I would learn the skills necessary by having the experience. With more shopping and cooking experience I would eventually gain the skills I wanted. The short term cost would be expensive- the long term cost was an investment. Sure enough. It has been. I’m a better cook and I understand how to shop and budget for food a lot better than I did before- which leads me to this conclusion.
I love cooking. I enjoy it so much. Mostly I enjoy looking over recipes and using the ideas to guide experimenting with what I have. It’s a new form of art and exploration for me and Whitney and I benefit from eating better meals more often and having leftovers to pack and share for lunch. This saves money, time, and allows me to eat well :)

Anyway, that’s all for now. I hope my DHT finds you all well in whatever circumstance you find yourself at the moment. I’ll let you know more about the wedding as we figure out more details.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 192nd Edition

2010-08-03T05:16:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
192nd Edition
August 3, 2010
4:15 AM

I’m not sure why I am not sleepy. I’m just not. I’m not stressed. I’m not worried. I’ve been thinking a lot but the good productive type of thinking that I enjoy. So, while my ideas seem to be coming together I’ll get them out. There are only two things in this DHT. The Letters to the Editor I am sure make up a good five or six pages printed out. I have no clue how long it will take me to get what I what in my Independence Rethought article.

Independence Rethought
I hope that I can come at this topic now with a better angle seeing that I’m not so upset anymore. I’ve taken time to try and get at the root of what really bothered me about this topic rather than trying to attack at any and every random angle. I am not putting individual replies to each of the Letters to the Editor, I am hoping to rather reply to all in the form of a new rethought article about independence.
If you’ve read the DHT then you know that I agree with each of these fine women who say it is important to be equal. Being equal intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, etc. is very important. My favorite article on that was an essay by Marry Wollstonecraft before the feminist movement even began.
I found that most of the women who quote the article refer to two different parts. The ice queen quote, and the I don’t know that you could protect me part. The most important agreeing line was that girls want the opportunity to be treated as an equal.

Briana said “I don't want a servant, nor do I want a tyrant. I want a partner. I want someone who can be my equal intellectually, mentally, spiritually, etc.

Ada said- “women don't necessarily want to be equal to men they just want the opportunity to be equal.”

Nikki said- “A woman who is or wants to be independent isn't someone to be angry at, but rather someone to love and respect the same as anyone else.”

I think what most set me off was the frustration that I want girls who I can feel equal to in intellectually, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, I’ll even throw in physically here and that list could go on. However, I’m going to take two words from the article that I think the independent women here have identified with that seems to go against that and those words are “Ice Queen”.
I think what set me off is that an Ice Queen in my mind is not independent. Ice Queen by my definition is a female beginning to embody the weak part of the male- the inability to be sensitive to others emotions and to recognize when their own are out of control. I don’t consider that independent. I consider that selfish and immature. I wish the term Ice Queen wouldn’t be associated with Independence. I think Ice Queen is a closed person, not an independent person. Maybe my issue isn’t with independence, but with the closed nature that some people associate with independence.
What do I mean closed? Well, I look for independent women because I think they can keep up with me. They know how to deal with their own issues, they have strong opinions, and they know how to get things done. If someone is opinionated and can get things done then I suspect them to understand very well emotions, things intellectual, and things spiritual. But when a person is closed to expressing those things- when someone is an ice queen they keep things inside and then they can’t prove to me that they are really equal. I can’t feel someone is equal if they close themselves off. If you can’t articulate opinions, feelings, things intellectual, things spiritual then I can’t expect someone who is independent to keep up with me because I articulate, a lot. If I am asked to find a girl who is equal with me in those things then she can’t keep them in. Nor could the girl discover if the guy is equal to her if he keeps it in. Being an Ice Queen seems to me a wall that prevents the girl from proving what she has to offer. If a girl is ambitious and assertive I think I should hear it in her talk. Two people suggest reasons in their comments to me why independent girls seem to close up and be ice queens.
1) Cara said- “Being independent is safer- then no one can hurt you. It takes a lot of trust and self confidence to let someone else not only see your weaknesses, but to let them see that you need them. Something that I've learned about myself recently is that I am not good at needing people. It scares me to need others, to rely on someone other than myself. And it's hard to make the transition from relying mostly on myself to letting myself rely on someone else. It takes time- and practice- to learn to let myself have that trust in others. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to need others. It just means that I'm still learning how. And maybe that's just me, but I think a lot of 'independent' people are just people who aren't ready to rely on others, don't realize that they're shutting others out, or aren't quite sure how to need others.”
In response to this, I see no problem with revealing my weaknesses and my struggles to people and still feeling independent. People can share their opinions, can offer suggestions how to deal with something, they can offer their help, but I still feel completely free to make my own decision. I don’t feel letting people in limits me from doing things my own way. It just helps me to become informed as to whether I would like to independently change my way. Ice Queen has this association to me of not being able to open up and rely on somebody else. Reliance is in my mind a show of someone’s real independence, a real show that they have grown up and can do things on their own. Someone who is independent can open themselves up without feeling like they will be changed or that they lose any part of themselves by revealing what’s on the inside. Opening up all the time doesn’t take away from my ability to make my choices all the time. And, I really liked the comment here that we all need others. We can need others without being dependent on them. Dependent would indicate that most of the time we can’t do things for ourselves. Independent people should in my mind be able to do things for themselves but recognize at the same time that they aren’t above having needs and need others. The idea of ice queen in my head is someone who says “Screw the world, I don’t need other people”.
Samuel and I were talking about a scene in Finding Neverland when Johnny Depp makes the comment that the oldest son who is supposed to be somewhere between 9 and 11 has changed from a boy to a man. Why? Because its the first time he starts to see and care about things outside himself (specifically his mother’s condition). He starts to realize that he isn’t just responsible for himself, but that he is also responsible for being aware of the feelings and experiences of others and that those can and should influence how he acts. The idea of Ice Queen, at least my perspective of it, is that it promotes a girl, if only in rhetoric, a girl who during the day doesn’t have to care or be influenced by what others experience. It is important that we aren’t always reacting to people. But the Ice Queen seems to be the other extreme . . . Which is the part that I consider a weakness in guys. When I talked about women becoming like men, I think sometimes independent women start thinking they have to lean towards this Ice Queen who is like that stoic man who doesn’t seem to care about other people.
Granted, there are leaders and business people who go very far by pushing people out of the way and ignoring them and how they feel. And some of them go far without as much work. However, as I talked about last time, I think really great people and leaders are independent people who can still take into account what those around them feel and experience. That takes a lot of work to include other people in our lives. It requires someone who is a lot stronger and more confident in their own values and beliefs. They don’t always get things as fast as some who would do it the other way. But if they should ever fall from their height, they aren’t mocked on the way back down the ladder of life . .. They are respected while those who got there through their icy steel determination seem to get what they deserve.

2)Belen said - “It's not always "the inability to express ourselves" - we often know what we want to say, but we (at least, how it often is with me) aren't so sure you want to hear it, or even care at all. Women are emotional (to varying degrees, depending on the woman) and nobody likes feeling hurt. And when we feel that our emotions/feelings are disregarded, it hurts - that's why communication is so important.”
A short simple comment. If the person doesn’t want to hear it or doesn’t care about what you think or feel or experience or have opinions about, then I don’t think they are equal to you. Nobody likes to be hurt . . . True. But if you keep it inside you can’t find whether they are equal to you. You can’t find out whether they care as much as you, or will be as sensitive as you would, or whether they would fight with the same vigor and vim as you would.

So, I’m going to close giving my ideal definition of the person male or female who is independent:
You are an independent person if you can stand alone intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. This doesn’t not mean that you have everything together, but that in general you can spend more of your life taking care of what you have to without turning to others. When you really need something you are independent enough to recognize and decide of your own free will to turn to others and you rely on them. Reliance is an act you do on your own. Relying on another person requires the other person to be their, but it depends mostly on you. Independent people are aware of other peoples thoughts and emotions and can factor them into what they are doing (and even help the other person succeed at what they want) while still doing what is ultimately right for their life. Independent people are assertive and ambitious. They do whatever it takes, including relying on other people and trusting them to get what they want. One of my favorite leadership quotes says “Nobody has enough time or resources to get everything they want done .. .to be a good leader you have to learn to let other people do things for you even imperfectly”. You limit your potential when you can’t include other people. Independent people take time to think about things, they form opinions, and they can express them. Your opinion, thoughts, feelings mean little if it can’t be articulated to others. Nor can you be fully assertive and get what you want if you can’t effectively communicate them. Independent people prepare themselves for all possibilities and have plans. Independent people get an education and value it and use it in many ways to bless other people. Independent people know how to manage a house, to be organized in their life, they control their budget, and avoid debt and they can articulately explain how they do that to benefit others who struggle to do the same. Independent people can handle their emotions without letting them get in the way of normal life. Ice Queens also says someone to me that puts off a poor attitude- Independent can have a good attitude and treat others kindly even when they are angry, upset, stressed, or experiencing whatever emotional trauma. Independent people are people who are so strong that they can focus on others and care about and bless their lives no matter what is going on in theirs. That is in my mind the number one strength. People become independent as they arrive at the point that they forget themselves and focus on others. Thus comes the common and very wise phrase that a good relationship is made up of two whole people rather than two halves.
These are my ideals for independence. They are what I expect out of myself. They are what I expect out of other people who claim to be independent male or female. But they are ideals, principles and goals worked for, not necessarily applied perfectly.
P.s. If you know some nice female who can keep up with my personal definition of independence then please send her my way, I haven’t found a girl who fits this definition. Or if you can articulate to me what I am looking at wrong so I would recognize that girl instead of wondering if one actually exists.
P.p.s. I value independent girls who will fight for what they want and what they believe because that’s what I do in the DHT. I know they will let me go toe to toe with them. I’ve been told that I seem like the type who would want a quiet really nice girl . ..trust me when I say they wouldn’t be good for me. They are sweet and good, but when someone is quiet and won’t go toe to toe with me I worry that one day I will really hurt them. . .because I do fight for what I want and what I believe. If people don’t match it .. .well, I’m rather frank with them and will fight for it. Independent people can take that. The really sweet quiet type, well, it may be a wrong judgment, but I worry about hurting them or destroying their sweet nature with my skepticism of life and people. Secondly, quiet is never a good idea for me. That’s why I consider being articulate so important. If someone is quiet, I don’t know if there is any depth to them. I often fight people to open up to prove they have the depth of person equal to mine. When people don’t open up I’m left wondering whether it’s because they don’t trust me or whether there just isn’t any more depth to them than what I am getting. Independent people I hope aren’t shallow, but if they don’t open up then I am left to wonder what wall do I need to break or is there nothing more to this person.

Letters to the Editor
Mark,

The whole bit about wanting to "be the ice queen by day, and put on fuzzy pink slippers and cuddle by night" is SO me.

For me, the whole, "If you see us as independent, get ready to step it up and be more of a man. If you're not willing to do that, then find someone else. We can protect ourselves during the day. It's at night when we just want to be our vulnerable damsels in distress. There's nothing worse than a man who is afraid to infringe upon our "independence" and be firm and commanding and protecting because he's scarred he'll offend us. When he does this ( and trust me, we can always tell) we're usually thinking "you're not strong enough to keep up with me. I don't feel like you could provide for or protect me so you better find someone a little more insecure with themselves who you won't be intimidated by." thing is dead on. I like it when a guy challenges my thoughts or feelings, but I also like it when he is sweet and chivalrous.

The way I see it, I don't want a servant, nor do I want a tyrant. I want a partner. I want someone who can be my equal intellectually, mentally, spiritually, etc. Seriously though, when I'm with a guy who will back off in a fight because I'm "independent" I'm like, "well, you can't hold your own against me, so you can't hold your own against the world, therefore, you can't defend me when I need you. Goodbye."

Do I still need someone to hold me at night? Yes. Do I still need someone to send me roses for no reason at all? Yes. But I also need a man who can fight for what he believes in, even if that means fighting me. Don't disable me because I'm a woman, but don't empower me because I'm a woman.

Does this help? I don't know...I'm tired myself. :)

Briana

whoa whoa whoa
"An independent woman complains that she feels like a male? You’ve stepped into the shoes of a male, now you get treated like a male, its completely logical to a male(but women are emotional and that would be illogical to them :) )"

Because we tend to be assertive and ambitious and independent we've stepped into the shoes of a male? You want to think about YOUR logic right there? Apparently I can't be assertive and ambitious without becoming a male, because no real woman would be assertive and ambitious because that's a mans job. We'll just sit quietly in our parlor in pink frilly dresses thinking about laundry detergent and garden parties.

Natalie

I wanted to put this as a comment to your blog, but you took the link down, so I guess I'll send it this way.
I think a big part of independence in realtionships comes from a lack of trust. Being independent is safer- then no one can hurt you. It takes a lot of trust and self confidence to let someone else not only see your weaknesses, but to let them see that you need them. Something that I've learned about myself recently is that I am not good at needing people. It scares me to need others, to rely on someone other than myself. And it's hard to make the transition from relying mostly on myself to letting myself rely on someone else. It takes time- and practice- to learn to let myself have that trust in others. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to need others. It just means that I'm still learning how. And maybe that's just me, but I think a lot of 'independent' people are just people who aren't ready to rely on others, don't realize that they're shutting others out, or aren't quite sure how to need others.
Cara

Hey Mark,

My boys are asleep so I'm taking a chance to at least attempt an email. I read the latest DHT and have been thinking about it, hopefully enough to give a coherent response. It's very true that most women struggle to communicate effectively with men, especially in personal relationships. Many times I've become frustrated or been the source of frustration because of my own lack of effective communication. Ah, if we could just read each others minds and intents, then we'd be spared so many arguments. I've found in my marriage that there are instances when I had assumed that John understood me, when he had no idea. For example, there have been times when I'm struggling to get the boys ready for church and I've wanted some help, but got none because I didn't ask specifically for help. In the meantime I'd be getting angrier by the minute because I'd think that he's being deliberately lazy, when he was simply not aware of what was going on. But I wouldn't discover this until after I'd started yelling at him over something unrelated later on. Dumb. I will also say that when dating, I always let a guy know when the time came that I was happy for him to open doors, get chairs, etc. for me if he felt so inspired. If I had been on a date with a particular guy a few times, then I'd usually tell him that he was not required to do those things anymore. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever let John get my car door, mostly because I'd get sick of waiting in the car while he walked around to get the door :]. I had a professor who relayed to us, something his wife said to him, something like -- women don't necessarily want to be equal to men they just want the opportunity to be equal.

It also occurs to me that sometimes communication problems arise when we have certain expectations about how a certain situation should play out, or how another person should behave. These expectations can come from prior experiences, media, or from others experiences. For example, a young woman might expect for her date to open doors, etc. because her father always did that for her mother, but he doesn't because he never seen his father do that for his mother, or he's afraid offending her somehow if she doesn't expect him to do that. I've found that I have to tell John my expectations, so I can have the outcome I desire. Sometimes either he or I have had expectations that we didn't realize we had until after we've argued/discussed heatedly :]. I'd say more, but I've got two crying boys that need my attention.

Sincerely,
Ada

PS -- The book, First Comes Love by David (?) Brinley has a great chapter about communication.

For me, a lot (maybe even most) of the guys I have met seem to be intimidated by the very fact that I do know what I want and am not afraid to say so - I am not always outspoken, but can be and they seem to be offended by it (which is why I'm not always outspoken). I have met a few guys that respect that and are my friends because I am more independent, but the rest are put off and keep their distance.
One thing I've noticed pretty consistently in the ones that are "put off" is that they want girls that will flirt and carry on because they aren't so sure about themselves, being mostly ego with little to no confidence - occasionally, they're just shy and/or socially awkward, but are usually the former.
As for the "not being able to keep up with me" - I am harder to keep up with, I've set a higher standard for myself and want/expect others to do the same. I ask more of people. However, people in general (guys and girls) prefer the path of least resistance, relationships that are easy, someone they don't have to "keep up with".
I know what I want, I set my sights high and go for it - but I'm not a loner, I want friends (and eventually a man) that will keep up with me. I say will because, in reality, everyone does have the potential, everyone could keep up with me, they simply don't want to - they prefer the easy stroll or the short jog to the hard, long run. But when we get to where we're going, I (and my man ;) will be the ones in top form (hehehe!).
What needs to be kept in mind is that while we can be masculine to varying degrees, we can never be completely masculine - we are missing the Y chromosome, after all. We wear our "man boots" for most of the day, but we still want a pair of strong, caring arms to wrap around us when we're at home, and no matter what anyone may say, do, or act like, we're still females - yeah, we're confusing, we're frustrating, and we drive you insane trying to "figure us out", but we don't mean to (at least, most of us don't, though occasionally we may play hob when we've had a bad day or a particularly bad [and recent] experience with those of the male species and we gnash our teeth at every one in sight).
Understanding is crucial - cultivate it! When you're baffled and/or irritated it is often best to remain quiet and hope it will make sense later (not that it always will, but hey, guys don't always make sense to us either :P )

Being interested in psychology, it seems to me that (at least a part) of the reason you're irritated is that you feel that you do step it up and that you are strong enough, and so someone implying that you aren't... well, it sets you off.
My experience is that a lot of guys nowadays (being unsure of what to think of the independent female) aren't so sure about taking the lead. I've seen it in conversation, dancing, working, etc., and those are the ones that need to "step it up."
I also think that whoever was writing about being "on a date with a guy who observes my ambition and assertiveness, gives me the title of 'independent woman' and then proceeds to treat me like some powerhouse CEO who's only interested in business and a very businesslike relationship" should consider the fact that maybe she's misinterpreting something - maybe the guy is showing respect. After all (from what I understand), isn't that how guys show respect for each other? If she only goes on one date with the guy, labels him as "stupid, ignorant, and not worth my time", how can she ever know what he really thinks of her?
As for those princesses that give off an "I don't need your help" vibe, they are often frustrated and often feel like men think they are weak and inferior, so they then refuse help because they feel a need to prove that they are just as strong, thus proving (to themselves as well as the men) that they are not weak and inferior. We want to be respected as equals, not disregarded or coddled as inferiors.
However, it is in our nature to curl up next to someone, (kind of like how a cat, after being aloof, distant and off on its own all day jumps into your lap, purring and looking forward to curling up and relaxing for a while) and when we don't have that, it tends put us out of balance (often resulting in more of the "I don't need you" vibe).
Lastly (wow, this keeps on getting longer and longer...) I think you've hit upon a point that a lot of people overlook in relationships: "If you want to tell your girlfriends how annoying it is that your guy doesn’t give you what you want. ..then you’re stupid because you are complaining to the people who can’t give you what you want." Girls (from people I just met to people I've known for years) talk to me all the time about how some guy isn't shaping up, or something about the guy is bothering them, but they don't tell the guy, and if the guy doesn't know, how is he supposed to do anything about it? I may have done it without realizing it, but I try to let the guy know (not having done any dating to speak of, I still let my guyfriends know what I think of them, both negative and positive).
But guys have also discussed how much they like me, would like to go on a date with me, etc. with my best friends, which drives me up the wall because they refuse to talk to me about furthering a relationship with me - it's not as if telling my friend all about it will change anything. If they want anything to do with me they need to talk to me! And every guy that has tried to talk to me about how much they like some other girl, would like to date her, etc., I have told to talk to that girl about it - I know they're worried, but telling me won't change a thing.

I feel like I'm not quite getting across everything I mean, but hopefully some of it makes sense,
Belen (:

PS. It's not always "the inability to express ourselves" - we often know what we want to say, but we (at least, how it often is with me) aren't so sure you want to hear it, or even care at all. Women are emotional (to varying degrees, depending on the woman) and nobody likes feeling hurt. And when we feel that our emotions/feelings are disregarded, it hurts - that's why communication is so important.
Just keep communicating!
And don't forget the positive when frustrated with the negative ;)

Mark-
I'd like to give you my personal opinion on what being an independent woman means to me. First, a little background: When I first got married, I was 19. I had graduated high school a year earlier, hadn't been to college, and was barely scraping by with a minimum wage job. I already had one daughter, and after I got married, my husband and I soon had another daughter. Daycare was too expensive for me, only having a high school diploma hindered my ability to get a higher paying job, and I didn't like the idea of other people taking care of my children (I knew what I wanted for them, and wasn't confident a daycare could provide that), so I stayed at home while my husband worked. Our family relied totally on my husband financially. If I wanted to buy something for myself or my children that was out of the normal range of paying bills or buying groceries, I had to ask for the money to do it. When my husband became emotionally and eventually physically abusive toward me, I felt helpless to change the situation. If I left, how was I supposed to provide for myself and my children? We were completely dependent on my husband. Eventually I felt it was too dangerous for myself and my children to stay with him, and so I moved to another state with my mom. She helped me get on my feet- taking care of my children while I worked, and giving us a place to stay. Eventually I met someone else who cared deeply for myself and my children, and we moved in with him. We love each other very much, and while he is more than willing and able to provide for us, I still felt dependent on him. So I made the decision to become more self-sufficient, and I went back to school. I know now that I will never feel like I am "stuck" or helpless again in the way that I did before. My partner is more than happy with my decision- my confidence has gone up considerably, and it makes me very happy to be efficient in my OWN field of specialty! I feel like we are on more equal footing now, and that has improved our relationship in its own way. He still treats me and my children the same way, with love, respect, and kindness (and he's more than happy to play the role of a "man" and say, change the oil in my car- even though I know how to, and I'm more than happy to LET him). Some things I would rather do myself, but we always consult one another and bounce ideas back and forth, and we are constantly communicating our needs and wants to one another. I am confident that I won't NEED to provide for myself and my children in the future, but knowing that I COULD helps me to be a happier more confident person. I don't feel like I'm the lesser half, and I don't know if I can express how good it feels to not have to ask for money to buy a book or some new clothes (even though he's more than willing to give it to me, and often gives me things he knows I want). So for me, being an independent woman doesn't mean I want to be a "man", and I certainly don't complain when he offers to wash my car for me or changes the lightbulbs I can't reach! I'm glad to be a woman, glad to be a mother, glad to be loved and doted on, but I make sure that my partner and children are also loved and doted on. As far as being put on a pedestal, count me out! I'm only human like everyone else. I hold those I love to high standards because I know they can live up to them, and they do the same for me, but we should all be careful not to make them so high that when the pedestal topples, we can't catch ourselves and the ones we love.
So that's my tangent, hopefully that gives you more insight into another point of view. A woman who is or wants to be independent isn't someone to be angry at, but rather someone to love and respect the same as anyone else. We all need to feel important, and we all want to be loved.

Nikki

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 191st Edition

2010-07-30T02:41:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
191st Edition
Friday, July 30, 2010
1:41 AM

Someone I love very much recently recommended that I write about things I really care about. I’ve been trying to follow that suggestion. Articles about caring, pushing oneself, and tonight, I’m going to return to the battle of the sexes. I requested some reading material from a friend about independent women . . . And now that I’ve read it I find myself riled up enough that if I don’t write I probably won’t get to sleep in the four hours that I have right now before I have to wake up. Good thing I took a nap today.

Independent Women

I was out with a girl tonight and we were talking about dating in general. For all of those of you who think it is a bad idea to talk about dating on a date . . . Well quite frankly I don’t. I talk about people I’ve dated, I ask question about people the other person had dated. I try and find out what the person expects from life. I consider it important to very quickly know what the person expects and wants from life and whether it is similar to me. I invest too much in people to waste my time and energy on people who want things that are too drastically different from what I want in my life.
So, I’m attracted to independent girls because they generally seem to know what they want and they can usually express it. Women seem to have a problem with this. And while I’ve made it a point to try and be able to read women and what they want and I consider myself better at it than many guys. . . I still by and large prefer they just tell me because I will still get it wrong plenty of times. Today, I’m not so sure that independent girls are that much better at expressing what they want (what I thought I saw in them) . . Please read the following excerpts.

“ Looking mixed-heartedly and as if she was waiting impatiently for dear life, Princess Fiona commands to Shrek, “What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.” While gawking at her and the idea of being told what was supposed to come of the rescue mission, Shrek dashes to save the Princess. “Shrek” is the prime example of a world full of fairy tale living, chivalrous ways, and the realities of what the world has come to. Shrek, being the hero or the chivalrous one, is trying to be an ogre with values and class, treating his fair lady with what all little girls used to dream of, a Prince Charming. Princess Fiona represents what has become of the modest princess, or lady, looking for that right man to sweep her off her feet and be her knight and shining armor.
I don’t remember in the story of the damsel in distress being saved and saying, “I can get on this horse myself, I don’t need your help.” From what I read and saw, I have always thought that a man was supposed to be my Prince, ultimately. Being chivalrous is referred to a sort of knighthood, courteous and honorable towards women; however in our the modern day structure of life, I can honestly see how it can be pretty hard or confusing for a man to understand what a woman really wants, when there is always a song or speech about women being independent and how they don’t need a man for anything. Women are more independent and, if it so shall happen, would not need a man to survive this life. The thing is, most still want to be treated like a princess. Women would like to be put on a pedestal, with the option of being able, not disabled.

The second excerpt:
Imagine a woman: She has a college degree and a job, she pays for her own house and car, and she’s not intimidated by any man for any reason. She’s smart, independent and strong.
Isn’t it a puzzle, then, that she dreams of chivalry and a commanding male presence?

Actually, researchers say, it makes perfect sense.
In perhaps the most fun assignment ever, Psychology Today‘s news editor, Matthew Hutson, has been blogging about why strong women fantasize about chivalry in an overcommanding way......
....In recent years, University of Kansas psychologist Patricia Hawley has picked up where Hinton left off. It appears independent women typically still have many traditional viewpoints when it comes to relationships. They expect men to open doors for them. They expect to be put on a pedestal (and men, wouldn't you if you want to be treated as such if you were expected to go through excruciating pain to continue the human existence). And they expect to still be treated as a princess, as they have been since childhood. Men don't seem to understand a woman's definition of independent. We're not trying to be men in a man's workplace. We're still women, we still like to be effeminate. I can't count how many times I've been on a date with a guy who observes my ambition and assertiveness, gives me the title of "independent woman" and then proceeds to treat me like some powerhouse CEO who's only interested in business and a very businesslike relationship. That sucks. Because believe it or not, I may be assertive but I also like to play the role of a giggly girl in love. Just because I act independent during the day doesn't mean I want to be so at night. By 5:00 pm I'm sick of being the ice queen in the conference room and ready to go curl up in my pink silky pjs with ice cream and a chick flick, or I'm ready to throw on my little black dress and look for some pigheaded guy in a bar only because he's going to treat me like an inferior being (because I'm a woman) but I'll like it because he treats me like he could one day protect me. And maybe that's all I'm trying to get at. Most of the time we "independents" feel like the man in a relationship. Read me loud and clear. We hate that. If you see us as independent, get ready to step it up and be more of a man. If you're not willing to do that, then find someone else. We can protect ourselves during the day. It's at night when we just want to be our vulnerable damsels in distress. There's nothing worse than a man who is afraid to infringe upon our "independence" and be firm and commanding and protecting because he's scarred he'll offend us. When he does this ( and trust me, we can always tell) we're usually thinking "you're not strong enough to keep up with me. I don't feel like you could provide for or protect me so you better find someone a little more insecure with themselves who you won't be intimidated by."
End Excerpts

For whatever reason, I am really angry. I’m not sure why. Maybe because my ego as a male has been attacked. I’ve never been one to side with the male ego. But believe me, I have one. Let’s take a quote.

“I can honestly see how it can be pretty hard or confusing for a man to understand what a woman really wants, when there is always a song or speech about women being independent and how they don’t need a man for anything.”

It’s really confusing. Women are confusing enough without a new way of living. Their inability to express themselves is frustrating as all get out at times. Their refusal to say what they want is annoying. . . Even if you don’t know what you want. .. Saying that you don’t know is better than nothing.
I think the best leaders in the world know what they want and can go after it. They can also clearly communicate what they want to other people and aren’t afraid to tell those they lead when they aren’t getting it. This is what I have come to expect out of an independent woman. However, these articles say to me that these independent women women struggle with the same stupid problem. . .they can’t say what they want.
I think the part that offended me the most was that the writer says you need to step it up as a male. Really? Would you even recognize the male stepping up? I’m sure that women can read when the male is scared of offending the girls through his actions. But I think the woman has made a big mistake to assume its because the male is not strong enough.
How is a male going to treat someone who acts in many ways like a male .. .well .. . Like a male. You aren’t going to try and rescue a princess when she puts the I don’t want your help attitude on. You’d be more than happy to do it. ..but you aren’t going to do it when they act like they don’t want you or need you. Not because you can’t keep up. . .but because everything you read as a male says they don’t want it.
Is it all just some show? I mean, I don’t really get it. An independent woman complains that she feels like a male? You’ve stepped into the shoes of a male, now you get treated like a male, its completely logical to a male (but women are emotional and that would be illogical to them :) ). Males are taught not to rely on each other. We aren’t supposed to show weakness. The lady doesn’t rely on others, doesn’t show weakness, and then says that she wants to still be treated like a lady. Then stop sending the wrong signals. You can still be independent, but express it.
Why is it that I haven’t read about this before? Why haven’t women said this to me before? Part of my suspicion. . .I wasn’t given the source for these articles, is that these excerpts are from a women’s magazine. Women can complain all they want about guys in there and read about other girls complaining about the same thing and then are apparently dumb enough to believe that because now every girl in the world thinks the same thing that guys will just be able to read exactly what girls want when they never happened to mention it to the guy.
I don’t think it is weak to say what you want. In fact, I think it takes a strong person to know and express what they want. You have to be smart to really know what you want and what will be valuable to you. To get what you want takes work and effort. If you can’t say what you want outright. . Then you have no reason or right to complain. If you want to tell your girlfriends how annoying it is that your guy doesn’t give you what you want. ..then you’re stupid because you are complaining to the people who can’t give you what you want. Guys aren’t stupid. They can listen to what your saying if you don’t try and hide it between the lines.
I don’t know that this is helping. I’m just getting more angry. Like I said in my last DHT . . . It takes a lot for me to care about people and not just think they are dumb. Well, maybe I should qualify that with, when I am moody I think people are dumb. When I’m happy, people are easy to love. It’s when I’m angry at myself, and the world, and can’t get out of my funks that I think people are dumb.
I hope that if you read this DHT you read others to understand that I usually like to write things out in a way that is agreeable to all parties. Most of this that I’m writing comes from the fact that I’m just angry that I read what I would have liked to hear and understood years ago. It probably doesn’t help that I lack sleep. I’ve been sickly stressed out for over a month and I’m upset at myself for feeling angry.
I’d love to hear some opinions. I’ve discussed a very narrow field of view. There are exceptions to nearly everything I’ve said. There are always exceptions to the rule. .. And I don’t even know that you can say anything I’ve said fits under a rule.

I want to end on a positive note. A quote my friend highlighted for me:
“The thing is, most still want to be treated like a princess. Women would like to be put on a pedestal, with the option of being able, not disabled.”
I don’t know any other way to enable individuals other than to find out what they really care about and what makes them tick. What you really care about is found in what you want. Your actions are all motivated by the things you care most about. The way I put women on a pedestal is by trying to give them the things they want (as long as they are good for them). If I know the wants of a young lady and its not within the realm of my ability I am more than happy to give her to someone who can meet those wants/needs (after I’ve satisfied my ego by giving it my best shot and proving to myself whether I can or can’t). But if I don’t know what in the world a girl wants I can’t put her on her pedestal. I know, it seems like guys should inherently know. But we aren’t taught our whole lives how to give back and forth like girls are taught to do to each other. We just know what we want and we push for it. Its not that guys can’t learn to read what you want . . . But its a learned skill over much time. So be patient with them, like they are being with you . . . They just might be man enough for you after all.

P.s. One final thought on wants: Wants change. This adds a whole new layer of difficulty between people. Just communicate. That goes for the males too!

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 190th Edition

2010-07-29T02:50:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
190th Edition
Thursday, July 29, 2010

Table of Contents
Caring

Caring
Meditations on a Long Term Inner Battle

“You love them, don’t you? And that’s natural. . .I can look at your face and know your philosophy, it’s kindness. . .There are people who’ll go after your humanity, Sister. They’ll tell you that the light in your heart is a weakness. Don’t believe it. It’s an old tactic of cruel people to kill kindness in the name of virtue. There is nothing wrong with love. . . Have you forgotten the message of our Savior? It’s love, of people.”- Father Flynn- Doubt

The things I pray for most often are the things I most often feel I’m lacking. I don’t try and focus on all at once, but I generally find myself praying for humility, patience and understanding, and charity. Charity seems to effectively embody humility, patience, and understanding.
“And charity suffereth long [patience], and is kind, and envieth not [humility], and is not puffed up [humility], seeketh not her own [not being manipulative], is not easily provoked [patience, understanding, and humility], thinketh no evil [understanding others], and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth [understanding], beareth all things [patience and understanding], believeth all things [yay faith :) and humility], hopeth all things [patience], endureth all things.” (Moroni 7:45, with Mark’s notes).
Every time I’m feeling angry and think that people and the world at large are dumb, that soft voice of the Spirit prods me and reminds me that without charity the Lord will not forgive me and He won’t allow me back in His presence. And then He reminds me of great promises like the ones in the verses immediately following 45:
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing [see here, nothing, worthless, the Bible says we are as dross], for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail- [but wait, here comes the curve ball . . ]
“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever [ringing bells of joy . .unlike everything else, charity never faileth]”
I’m glad I opened my scriptures to look for things I wanted to talk about. But I’m kind of upset. I wanted to write a long article complaining about the cost of caring. Because caring does cost. Look at the baptismal covenant:
“ . . . and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort . .” (Mosiah 18:8-9)
Now those things take effort. We are agreeing to carry a literal burden and feel actual sorrow for other people (and I’ll remind you here that we are also to feel joy (not just sadness) for other people rather than envying them). It’s a way in which the Savior helps us to understand Him and how much He loves us. We, for a couple people, get to feel their burdens and weights, and in return we are reminded that the Savior carried all the weight and burdens. Suddenly our burden (which is in fact heavy) seems small compared to His.
I mean, let’s not downsize how much energy it sometimes cost us to care. It can cost time, sleep, a peaceful mind, energy, maybe money, an appetite, the ability to function. Okay. . .whoa, maybe here is where I’m hitting the problem. Is caring for other’s really supposed to cost that much? Charity never fails. But what if what I feel for other people isn’t charity?
I’ve tried backing away before. Sometimes the “Screw the world” attitude doesn’t seem that bad to me. He he, this reminds me of a scene from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Movie. Libby is the moody “screw the world teen” and Carmen comes home complaining. Libby, who has grown up a little after meeting a girl with leukemia tells Carmen off for complaining about her problems. Carmen, gets angry and yells at Libby telling her she is dumb and doesn’t understand “You just say “screw the world” because it’s easier than having to feel anything.” I sometimes think it would be easier to do the same. Forget people, I don’t want to feel anything. But once again, I do love the Lord, so it isn’t really an option to not care. But, really, what should caring cost?
I remember a time in the last year or two when Scott and I were roommates. Scott has an incredible talent for remembering the details of people’s lives. He remembered when I had tests that I didn’t even care about and would send me a text wishing me good luck. That felt good even if at times I was a little annoyed that he could care so much, and I could remember so little about his life. It was nice to know he cared. Through his example, I realized I had disattached myself from people and found myself only interested in what people had to offer me intellectually. I was interested in talking, but I could have cared less about the details of people’s lives. I wanted to understand people through their deepest thoughts, but I refused to care about what was happening to them. I would start to open up to people, but they would close off to me. In an enlightening session with the therapist I was visiting, he suggested that I tried to invest myself in little things. People, he suggested are more comfortable initially opening up about the more normal parts of lives, as time passes they will open up to you about other things because they feel you will care.
Well, that sounds all nice, but I don’t want to just listen to people’s days so that I can selfishly get them to open their souls to me for my personal fulfillment. So, I decided I would have to learn how to care about the little things. If I didn’t really want to know it, I shouldn’t ask it became my philosophy. This is a good philosophy for investing in other people and actually caring. It is not a good philosophy when you just are having chit chat. I still don’t think it’s realistic to remember every detail about every person you meet. But starting with polite conversation and questions whose answers you forget may later lead to a friendship in which you will both ask those questions again and really care about the answers. It’s a little complicated, I know.
Caring takes a lot of work. I don’t believe it comes naturally to anyone. Its one of those virtues that we have to build. I think that I perhaps appreciate great works of literature most, because they help me to actually care about people. Literature generally encourages me to understand people and be patient with them and love them rather than to dismiss them all because they clearly can’t keep up with my ideals :).
A good example of this is the book I just finished tonight, “To Kill a Mockingbird”. It was an excellent read. No, I haven’t read it before. None of my teachers ever required me to read it. I think Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison may have been it’s replacement. I think that Harper Lee does a beautiful job of portraying what I think of as the ideal caring person in Atticus. Atticus can see , even in the people who may do the most harm to him, their inherent goodness. He judges the best in people and loves them despite the many times they fail at doing what is right or even when they hate him. Near the end of the book, Scout comments as she drifts off into sleep that some crazy person in her dream turned out to be real nice. Atticus replies “Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”
He’s right. I think sometimes I have a tendency to pry into people’s lives because of how much more love and understanding I know I will have for them. When you can really see a person- I mean really see. What do I mean? Seeing means you know their life history, you know the circumstances in which they grew up, you know what were major turning points in their lives, you know their personality, you know their strengths and their weaknesses are, their dreams and their fears, their successes and failures, the people who inspire them, the people they dislike, what they choose to do in their free time, what they choose not to do . .and so much more your love for that person increases exponentially. Isn’t it funny that the things all humans have a hard time sharing about themselves actually draws them together? It seems like a contradiction. . .but its not. Its the theme of countless works of literature, normal fun reads, movies, and other forms of entertainment. The plot of the story is often the unfolding of our knowledge of characters. As we understand them, the first judgment is shed from our eyes, and what we once saw, becomes something knew. It’s like a puzzle. Puzzles are not that beautiful when they are in thousands of pieces that we can’t seem to quite put together. As the pieces come together, we appreciate the puzzle and the work it took to put the pieces together.
Perhaps Heavenly Father and the Savior can love us so much without condition because they already have a perfect understanding of us. For now, we have to learn how to love without that perfect understanding. I think we can see that big picture when we talk about racial differences or Hitler and the Jews, or even the persecution of the religious groups. But somehow, we forget it when it’s the EFY kids, or the education week, or women’s conference that is supposedly (in the view of some students) invading our campus. Or it’s easier to worry about the poor people in Africa and donate to them than it is to that family who we’ve never seen work very hard for anything in their life. (I’m not suggesting that we should jump up and hand our money to beggars, but we might try and really understand people’s situations before we deny assistance). It’s easier to love the fans of another team or even the players when we see them doing service, but it then becomes hard not to yell at them or curse at them on the field. The same thing can be said for referees, who undoubtedly made a worse call than we would have. Or the bozo holding up the line who obviously hasn’t had as long and as hard a day as we have had. I could list more. But you get the picture.
Caring is worth it. It takes a lot of work. You have to ask yourself a lot of questions. You have to be introspective and painfully honest about yourself and your dealings with other people. And when I say painful, it hurts to sit there and list off what you’ve done and thought wrong about other people. But on the reverse end, caring is incredibly rewarding. The joy is addictive. After the pain the feeling of pure love sweeps through you. Why? Because charity is a gift of God. After all our work to love others, He bestows upon us His ability to love and feel what He feels for us. Because being human, no matter how much we’ve worked for that charity, we are incapable of having a fullness of charity for other. The charity we feel is in fact not ours at all. Its the taste our Father gives us of His love. Its an ability to feel for others what we couldn’t feel on our own. There is no sweeter fruit than that love. The price is worth it.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 189th Edition

2010-07-25T15:01:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
189th Edition
Sunday, July 25, 2010

This whole past week has been a bit of an adventure. Samuel (my roommate) and I played all week, watching action flicks, talking, and spending time with other friends. And most importantly we participated in the worlds largest water balloon fight. It was incredibly fun and we set a world record with other BYU peoples :).

Table of Contents
Briana’s Blog
Kory’s Blog
Letters to the Editor (includes immigration, dating, and self discovery responses)

Briana’s Blog
Briana and I were in a play together. She and I have been friends since then and I enjoy our talks. We hung out the other weekend and I have to wonder after reading her blog if our conversation stuck with her :). Anyway, I wanted to respond to the blog because I always have stuff to say about marriage, and because she asked for responses.
You can read the blog post here- http://brianashipley.blogspot.com/2010/07/deep-thoughts.html
I don’t think anyone can negate completely the fear that exists with being married. It just is scary. There are plenty of examples of good marriages and plenty of examples of bad marriages. Certainly the bad ones ring out strongly in my generation. And the idea of marriage has in many ways been portrayed as being “tied down” or just a luck of the game type event. We could go over all the ideas that are negatively associated with marriage, but I think we know them.
The truth is that Satan is fighting very hard to destroy the family. And in some ways, he seems to be winning that battle. But he is only winning the battle, not the war. In the end, good wins, no matter how bad it gets right now.
I believe that optimism is a good thing. However, I don’t believe in optimism in the idealistic sense that if we always say “I think I can” things will just happen. I believe in optimistic realism. I’ll try and give an example in the context of the conversation. Briana mentions
What if the spouse is physically (and I’ll add and/or verbally/emotionally abusive)? This is a real fear. A realitic optimist does not negate the possibility. Instead, I say, it may be the case, but in the end if I continue on the right path the Savior will make up for it. If I marry a girl and she stops obeying the Lord, she becomes an alcoholic, abuses our children, and is constantly selfish then in the end all those hurts will be healed. They will not be taken away necessarily and it would be very hard. However, the Savior will make up the difference and He has suffered the pain to understand and heal my pain.
Now this may not sound very optimistic to other people, but for me it is. I can’t control my future. There is no way I can get a promise from anyone including the Lord that things won’t go wrong. The Lord allows even our spouses to make their own decisions. I’ve watched plenty of examples where the Lord probably knew the outcome of a marriage, but he didn’t stop it. Why? That’s hard to say. I don’t know that there is a really good answer. But I do know this. There was a mother who had three beautiful daughters. She served a mission, was very faithful and had those daughters with a good member of the church. When I met her, the husband had stopped believing in God, had cheated on her and was now living with the other woman, and their had been a painful divorce. It had nothing at all to do with the woman. She was and still is a very faithful member of the Church. Her daughters radiate the sweetness they have learned from their mother. There was nothing in my mind that made the situation fair. It could not be fixed. And I’m sure that she wasn’t told by inspiration that her husband would leave her 10 years later. However, I sat through a Testimony Meeting in which I listened to one of the most powerful testimonies of the Savior’s love and power to heal. The Savior has power to take us out of the darkest and bitterest parts of life.
To marry, we have to have faith. Faith that in the end things will be alright. Not that our marriage will go perfect, not that it will be years and years of bliss, not that it won’t all fall to pieces and our lives will be our own personal Hells for a time. Instead we trust that in the end, if we were on the right path, those things would be healed and we will be blessed more than what we were originally given. I think this is the great lesson of Job in The Bible.
Once, a person has accepted this, you have to put aside those fears. You don’t try and tell yourself they aren’t real. That’s unrealistic in my mind. But you realize if that’s all you think about, there is no way you could put your trust in anybody enough to feel anything for them.
Some great advice I received from my friend Aaron (Amy’s husband) was that when dating you need to think about what you feel for the person. You can’t worry about how they feel towards you. You focus on how you feel about them and leave them to themselves. The only thing you can really look at is if you like where the person is now. You can’t change their past, and you won’t be in control of their future even if you marry them.
It’s comforting to be told by those who have successful marriages that you don’t always like your spouse, that marriage is mostly hard work, that it takes a lot, that its not some fairy tale bliss, that you get tired of each other, etc. etc. So, if these things are all true, but we also are taught that marriage brings bliss, how is it possible? It’s possible because everything that is really good in life comes because it takes a lot of work. Marriage is not instant gratification. It is a gradual build of joy and happiness through years and years of working together.
I can list hundreds of attributes you could try and line up to make things work, but in the end I still think it comes down to communication and a desire to work through things. Two people who don’t want their marriage to end will work at it even if it requires months, nay years, to get past it. Studies have shown that most unhappy couples who work through it are happy again five years later.
I think the reason that marriage can be so hard and that its so hard to get there is like any good thing in life, Satan doesn’t want us to have it. He will stop at nothing to ruin our chances at happiness, or even believing that we could be happy. He knows the great potential of the family, not only to have happiness therein, but to be a good influence on a community, a nation, and the world. Good families, produce good children, who can continue to promote good influence in the world. The family is the strongest battle unit the Lord has. Satan knows he can tear out the foundation of the world by tearing up families and by stopping future families from coming forward. He’s a smart enemy for sure.
So, my final comment to Briana, is if you think you want marriage, add it to your five to ten year plan, or it probably won’t happen. If it isn’t in the plan, you probably won’t address the fears, you won’t put yourself out there for the opportunities and other things will take priorities. The paradox in love is though it’s the best gift to receive, we have to be just as willing to give it and put everything out there. All our fears and doubts can stop us from receiving that love, even if someone is trying to give it to us.
Why do this sooner than later? Well, as we get older, we all get more set in our ways. It is easier now to be less selfish, more flexible, and more adaptive when we are younger than when we keep adding years of experience to justify how we think things should be :).
I hope that was helpful.

Kory’s Blog
My Aunt Kory writes one of my favorite blogs. I love reading her blog. If you haven’t had the privilege of doing so, you can go read her blog at http://welcometomysoapbox.blogspot.com/

Friday, July 23, 2010
The Problem With Not Being Easily Offended

We tend to be viewed as 'insensitive' to others.

We wouldn't be offended by it, so why would someone else?

Things that we would consider as a natural part of every day conversation others misinterpret as an attack. Typically it will take someone a few months of knowing us to realize- 'that's just who they are'

Not being easily offended, or caring what others think is a liberating quality- but it can also limit one's inner circle of friends to individuals that have really good self-esteem, are very thick skinned, or are extremely forgiving. I think I'm ok with that.

**I tend to be on the extremely forgiving end. I could take some more thick skin :) Yeah, I like reading what Kory has to say always. We don’t always agree on things, but I feel like we respect each others opinions and I enjoy getting new insights from her.

P.s. Once on her blog, to get a good taste, I recommend you read the list of blogs under the subtitle “Posts That Got More Than 5 Hits”

Letters to the Editor

You were a smart kid to realize that personality supercedes looks! Nice for you, you have both.

If we dedicate all of our time to our spouse or the individual we're dating, we put undue pressure on them to be 'everything' to us.

If we have many relationships outside of our significant other, the need to be 'everything' is lifted.

We are all unique and dynamic individuals, and the idea that one person is going to satisify all of our needs has lead to many a disgruntled marriage. Often, we can get those 'needs' fufilled through friends. I don't need my husband to be hilarious, because I have girlfriends that think I'm hilarious. This too can go too far. There obviously needs to be a healthy balance, with the majority of connections with your spouse.

My point is, this new direction you're going will release some of the pressure you're putting on your relationships and yourself.
Kory

** I bold faced what I appreciated the most. After writing about passions, I’ve taken more time to consider what I really need fulfilled through my wife and what I won’t. The disappearing pressure is nice :).

I've always wondered why no one has made it simpler to enter the country legally. It would help [at least somewhat] with illegal immigrants, so why do people seem to be more interested in building walls to keep them out instead of making it easier to come in the right way?
As for more "freedom" in sex, even without the consequences of law, there will always be consequences - people call it "breaking" the commandments, but really all they're doing is breaking themselves against them, for the commandments still stand. Laws that are irrevocably decreed cannot be changed, justice must and will be served regardless. Only those who have repented and applied the Atonement receive mercy, for Christ has already paid their debt. And even in this life there are consequences - they are empty, following after the lusts of their eyes, and so will lead an empty life, having no purpose except to perhaps serve as a warning for those that have eyes to see and ears to hear.
Yes, it is saddening and we should do all we can to prevent it, but people tend to be stupid and foolhardy [everyone is to some extent] and we can only do so much and leave the rest in the Lord's hands.

Belen
**Thanks for the reminder about sin and consequences. I think the phrase I put in bold is a very beautiful word picture of what you expressed.

I enjoyed your observations about pushing yourself to the edge. I think that's why I run. Each time I go for a run I have to go to that place where it hurts a bit, and then keep going. It's therapeutic and cathartic.

While we were in Russia with the adoption, our case worker wanted to emigrate to the United States. He had a Masters Degree and spoke three languages. He had a great deal to offer our country. The emigration process for him was onerous and bordering on the impossible. He had to travel to Moscow, a day's journey by train. Wait in line to get the proper paperwork. Wait in line to submit the paperwork. Pay large sums. Wait. Hope. Dream. So to say that we need to improve the process is an understatement. However, circumventing (aka breaking) our law will not make the process any easier. Why should someone that lives a few miles south of us be able to circumvent the law and enter the country when the man in Russia has the chance of a beach vacation in Siberia of getting in? If I was poor and desperate, and decided to break the law by robbing a bank, should my economic circumstances mitigate the sentence? Without the rule of law we are not a nation.

The first limits on immigration were started in 1875, but the most restrictive quotas didn't start until 1924. However, go read 2 Ne 1:8. Lehi understood how "the promised land" could be overrun if not kept secret. Some order and control must be maintained. How much is up for debate, but certainly a chaotic free-for-all could not be good.

Just for the record, Uncle Chock and I have done the back-breaking work that illegal immigrants do. That's how I paid for my mission and college. Supply and demand economics will solve the problem. If the demand for labor is there, the supply will materialize, but the price will not be the same as for illegal workers. Because of that fact, I personally feel that the illegal immigrant is a modern-day slave. They suffer great danger. They suffer abuse. They are cheated and robbed. They are paid a percentage of what their labor is worth. They have little redress with the law because they are operating outside of it. They are a also a victim. I think we do a greater disservice to the illegal immigrant by not enforcing our law.

I do not rail against the illegal immigrant, but against the fallacious argument that indigent economic circumstances somehow nullify the importance of obeying the law.

Secure the border. Enforce existing law. Change the law through our proven process of open political debate and passage of legislation.

As always, good debate leads to effective solutions.

Brock

**I started thinking after reading your email about why we don’t just use the stimulus package money (if there is any left) to work on illegal immigration. All the money removes the illegal immigrants, jobs open up for those lacking jobs, and the economy begins to work itself out. Its more complicated than that. Part of the stimulus money could pay people lacking jobs to get into the law enforcement. The people wouldn’t be living on government help, but would actually have to work for their living. Those are the basic ideas for an idea that might have some possibilities.

On immigration...

I have lived in Mexico. I have talked my way out of having to bribe a policeman out of a ticket (if that made sense). Bending the law is a way of life there. If you can get away with it, then it's okay. It's a totally different mind set. I know many families here who came illegally because they could not get here any other way. They live here, raise their children here and don't have any intention of leaving. As long as they can find a way to come here they will do it.

What you propose, Mark, is something I have talked about for years. I have seen the poverty there; families are desperate to come here. These families pay thousands of dollars to coyotes or others to get them here. Why not just have them pay that money at the border as a type of deposit to the US? The only way we will stop illegal immigration is to make legal immigration easier than illegal immigration. If you simply crack down and make it harder, it will just jack up the price they will pay. They will continue to come. Let's put the coyotes out of business!

Having said that, allowing easier legal entry and then handing over benefits and tons of money in the form of federal welfare will strain our country to the breaking point faster than it is going already (if that's possible). We need to look back on the lessons of Ellis Island and welcome them in, then let them make it on their own. They can go back a whole lot easier than those who came from Europe. The immigrants in our past have made this country what it is. How can we turn our backs on them now? But neither can we spoon-feed them. Having seen the conditions and jobs in Mexico, I believe that the immigrants will be happy to work the fields and perform manual labor. Then if they feel the urge, they can better themselves and move up. However, the labor laws and minimum wage cannot be applied or it will make our agriculture too expensive to feed ourselves.

Let them pay. Let them in. Let them work.

Adrian

**Well said indeed. I’m going to throw in another plug for the stimulus package getting people back over the border and using the money to create a better system through which people can come legally.

Mark,

I haven't had a chance to read all of this post yet, but I really enjoyed reading about your experience hiking the Y. You expressed those feelings beautifully; I found myself nodding my head emphatically in agreement with everything you said about really pushing your limits. Then I realized that I don't do that enough because I am so afraid of failure.

I guess it's a pride thing. I love it when people admire my strengths, so I'm afraid to ever let them see my weaknesses. Sometimes I even try and hide my weaknesses from myself, which is no good because then I can't target them directly for improvement. I just need to recognize the blessings and lessons that come from just trying, even if it ends in what I would consider "failure."

By the way, I am going skydiving or paragliding after I graduate next year. You should come!

--katelyn

**I bolded a fear that I think many have. I was talking to a friend at work the other day and she said she like talking to me because I do all the thinking for her. The comment kind of bothered me and I sat back and reflected on why she said she didn’t like thinking. The number one reason was that it was in some way too painful. Thinking can be painful. We have to stare at our weaknesses and our fears and admit them without destroying our self esteem. Its hard to target them without getting hurt by ourselves or too stuck in our own problems as that we forget everyone else around us. But once we push ourselves to that point enough times, we can get comfortable approaching our hardest parts and working with the Lord to shape them. That doesn’t make it any less painful sometimes. And sometimes it can be destructive- it takes balance (like most things in life :) )

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 188th Edition

2010-07-20T15:06:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
188th Edition
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Table of Contents
Going to the Edge of Ourselves
Immigration Continued
Discussion Question: On Mature Sexual Themes
Movie Reviews: Vantage Point and Inception

Going to the Edge of Ourselves- A travelogue about Randomly Hiking to the “Y”

“This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will, five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain”- Fort Minor- Remember the Name

As of this morning, I can leave Provo whenever I want to. No, I didn’t drop out of school . . . I climbed the “Y”. The “Y” is a classic freshman adventure, but if you come back from a mission as a freshman everyone your age has no interest in climbing the “Y” because its a boring hike that they already did five times. This morning, after biking up the mountain for a good twenty minutes I found myself next to the trail head and decided it was my turn to go.
Already exhausted from the climb up the mountain on my bike I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I always had intended to hike it with somebody thinking it would be boring and I would feel a little sheepish climbing it alone. However, two minutes onto the path and I passed three or four people coming down the mountain alone.
Because I was in exercise mode I was pushing myself to walk up that mountain as fast as I could. As I was walking I discovered something about humanity. As humans we can get a high, an excitement from going to the edge of ourselves and our capabilities. There is something delightful about coming home from exercise exhausted with muscles trembling and sore. There is something delightful about having a schedule so full that you can’t breath. There is something rewarding about getting into a conversation knowing you might seriously hurt somebody, but that there is the potential that your words could change the course of their life. There is something exciting about reaching for something that we might not be able to get no matter how hard we try. Going to the edge of oneself is taking a risk. A person walks out onto the edge of what they think they know about themselves and have to push past the fear, the unknown. It is an exhilarating experience.
As I continued my journey a little girl stopped to sincerely warn me, as her mother smiled over her shoulder, to watch out for the baby rattlesnakes. I was hoping to see them, but I didn’t. I wanted the exhilaration that comes from the dangerous seen from a distance. On a similar note I want to sky dive someday. It would make me sick and nervous on the way up . . . But I want to “free fall out into nothing, to leave this world for a while”. I don’t think I would tell my parents before going. I don’t like making my mom nervous for my well being :). But I enjoy jumping into the unknown. Going to the edge of what I know. I think everyone does. We just all do it differently. When I was fourteen or fifteen I had never jumped from a high point into water. We were at a lake in Coeur d’Alene and the drop was only fifteen feet but I stood there for twenty minutes deciding to jump. And when I did I loved it. Like I enjoyed jumping my bike off ramps as a kid, or pushing myself to jump higher on the trampoline. Or as in high school as I enjoyed pushing myself to my physical limit in soccer, or stepping onto the stage as a lead singer for a mock boy band. Or as in college when I push myself to date and form meaningful relationships, to try all sorts of new things, and as I push myself to learn all that I can. It’s exciting.
Partway up the movie a grandfather stopped to say hi to me as he carried his granddaughter on his shoulders down the mountain. He encouragingly told me the top wasn’t that much further away. I didn’t care how much further the top was. But I realized he cared that I knew the rewards were coming and that they were worth it. And they were.
I sat down at the top of the big concrete “Y” and watched my hands tremble from the exhaustion. Then I sat back to just soak it all in. I enjoyed the squirrel that sat near me. We had a staring contest for about thirty seconds, the squirrel won :). And as I looked out I was astonished by the beauty of the clouds casting their shadow on the mountains, by cool air that brushed my face, and the enjoyment of looking down upon all of humanity (in that section of the Utah Valley).
As individuals, walking to the edge of our capabilities reveals new things. It gives us large sweeping vistas of the beautiful things in life. The journey may be hard, and require “concentrated power of will” and “fifty percent pain” when we are in the dark. But the rewards are so much more when we enter back into the light. Why face the pain and the effort? For me, when I graduated from the fifth grade, my friend Christine and I were given printed awards that designated us as “Most Likely to Succeed”. I’ve always remembered that. Because my elementary teachers believed in me, I believe in me. And I’ve come to know that my Heavenly Father believes in me. Furthermore, He believes in all His children and wants them to succeed in the long run. I hope you as my reader feel that. The Lord wants you to succeed. And if you let that one belief motivate you, you can do anything you want or at least learn trying. And ultimately, the reward will be further feelings of God’s love and his grandeur when you reach the tops of the mountains.

Immigration Continued
I received the following email from my dad:
“On Brock’s comment, I think it is well and good to talk about those coming through Ellis Island entering the country legally and contrasting that with the illegals, but part of the problem is that we have such tight controls on legal immigration that it is beyond most people’s capability to get into the country that way. During the Ellis Island years, remember, we had virtually no restrictions on immigration, no quotas, no nothing (well, there were some Chinese limits at one point). Now, it is nearly impossible to qualify. So, maybe part of the answer is to significantly liberalize the ability for people to enter legally so that they really do have a legal path to come to this country. The fact is, most Mexicans don’t.
--
Robert E. Tonkinson, Jr.”
I completely agreed with Brock as well about legally coming in through Ellis Island. My dad’s comment on making it easier to get into the country gave me some new ideas.
From my experience the Mexicans and South Americans who I knew in California came to the states for one of a few basic reasons. Most of them hoped to come for a few years and return to Mexico. They had no interest in learning the language because they wanted to come in, get some money, usually in a community where everyone speaks Spanish and go back home. Many leave behind family who they miss desperately and worry about continually. However, they get to the states and find out that in California they lose most of their salary and can only send a few dollars back. A plan that once involved a few months in the states turns into a year, and then several years, and people get stuck. They want to go back and visit, but can’t because they know they won’t be able to come back to make the money they had set out to get to provide for their family. But they still hope that day is coming. (And in truth some just get comfortable where they are at and lazy, like people living on welfare when they don’t have to)
Those who want to live in the states do not intend to live as strawberry pickers, or in the fields, or doing menial jobs. They come, they do everything legally after having waited ten years, and then they work their way up like most Americans do. They also learn the language and they are free to travel back and forth across the border as needed. But they waited for a significant portion of their lives for the minimal opportunity that they would get in.
There are others who sneak across with the intent to stay, they eventually learn English, get a lawyer and become a citizen. Their process is backwards but can be done much quicker than waiting in Mexico.
So, here would be what I propose. Make it easier for them to come in. I think the hate against illegal immigrants might be driving people to want laws to be stricter for those coming over honestly. However, if it was easier to come then those who just want to work shortly would be able to do it and might get a job legally allowing them to leave the country quicker. (I’ll make a note here that green cards are no easier to obtain than citizenship). And those who want to stay would be able to do so as well. All of these people entering the country would then be paying taxes and would not be stealing health care as they would have just as much right to it.
My only concern would be if they had all that freedom, who would work our fields?. ..I’m not trying to be racist but, I never met a white person who worked the fields- it would break your back and the whites would sue for workman’s comp. This is just one example in my mind where I see that part of the reason immigration laws aren’t enforced is how damaging it would be to the economy. California relies a lot on illegal immigrants for much of it’s agriculture. Agriculture provides a lot of money for California. Those companies would want to know that they would still have workers. Anyway, just some more things to consider.

Discussion Question: On Mature Sexual Themes
I saw a headline on Drudge Report that read: “Vaginal gel ‘slashes HIV risks’ ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-10691353) and right under it “White House seeks to end criminalization of HIV transmission”( http://iowaindependent.com/39442/white-house-report-end-state-criminalization-of-hiv-transmission)
The first headline interested me as it was directed towards helping women forced into sex in Nigeria and other countries. I saw it as a hopeful message where education about abstinence for the past however many years still isn’t cutting it.
However, having this kind of protection does bring some fears to me about how it could be used in our country. What if people used the gel as an excuse for more freedom in sex. The idea saddens me. And the second headline stirs me to anger inside. How could you possibly say that HIV transmission is a good thing? Lets make people irresponsible. Lets take away the consequences by law. What comes next? You can have sex at whatever age with anyone of any age? Prostitution houses should be public and easily accessible? Pornography can line our streets and be seen on public tv as it is in Europe? In essence we should just become a Godless people who love ourselves more than others. Passing on HIV is an entirely selfish thing to do and should be considered a crime.
Its complicated once we have the knowledge of something to know what to do with it. I’m back to talking about the gel in case you are confused. In countries where alcohol is legal from an early age there is less abuse of it, but the use is more common (or at least that is what I’m told, I haven’t seen it for myself). Abortion has a couple good purposes, and if it was made legal for only those purposes then I think it should be. But if it is made legal to any woman it allows women and men to avoid the consequences of the life giving power they have been given from God. They can sell themselves into lust while avoiding most consequences. And the truth is, those who want to have an abortion find a way to do it. Just like when alcohol was banned people found more ways to abuse it and crime increased. And the White House seems to be arguing something similar about HIV. People who have it ignore the laws according to studies. The desire of the White House is the same as mine, reduce HIV infections. Yet I would not take away punishment from those who willingly hurt others. What do you think?
P.s. I’m starting to think I would like to political lobbying . . . Or at least serving on a city council in my future.

Movie Reviews
Yesterday was action movie Monday. Action movies are fun :).
Vantage Point- was a film I got from the library. Featuring Dennis Quaid, the film is about a murder of the President told from multiple points of view. Nothing spectacular but a fun film to watch.

Inception- on the other hand is brilliant. The commercials are confusing because there is too much in the film to really give anyone much of a grasp of what happens. The concept is brilliant, the action plenty, and the characters interesting. If you see any movie besides Toy Story 3 this summer go see this one, your mind will be blown. And if you want me to come see it with you . .I wouldn’t mind watching it again :).

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 187th Edition

2010-07-18T23:27:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
187th Edition
Sunday July 18, 2010
10:24 PM

Table of Contexts
Passions
Letters to the Editor
Broadway Music
Other Music
Movie Reviews

Passions

I was out with a friend last night and she and I were talking about life lessons. Life lessons, you know well usually come back to dating for me. She described dating a guy who sounded very similar to me and I recognized some misguided perceptions I’ve had for quite a while. This lesson has become both important to me for dating and for my life.
I’ve told this story a million times I know, but I think it gives important context. When I was twelve I was a chunky kid who determined that if he was ever going to get married he may not ever be attractive, but he could create a personality that would be nice for girls. I knew at that time very well that girls were less likely to put looks first and could see around looks if a guy was really good.
Years later, all this preparation to be a good person has kind of become my enemy. While I mean in this in several aspects, I’ll just focus on one and that has to do with passions for life.
My friend told me that her boyfriend at the time seemed really needy. He wanted to talk all the time, he wanted to see her all the time, and he wanted didn’t seem to have anything he was doing except dating her and working. She found it annoying that he didn’t have any other passions in life. He wasn’t doing anything else. Upon hearing this, my head screamed. . .Mark, this is you, you didn’t even realize it. Your intent is not to seem needy at all . . But I suddenly saw why it came across that way. So it was time to go on a little self discovery adventure.
What is it that I do that is so similar? I cut everything else out of my life and give all my time and attention to the girl. Sounds good on one hand. . .and for really needy girls it would be very nice. . .but I don’t date needy girls . .so . . . Why do I do it?
1)Expectations. . .I thought it was what was expected. Some experience tells me it isn’t .. .and it stresses me out trying to do so. Some of my expectations were set by things people told me .. .but they were talking about parts they enjoyed later in the relationship and not in the beginning.
2)Passions as portrayed in the media. Do you know how many commercials or movies portray guys as being stuck glued to the TV and the wife rolling their eyes at them? The guy is made to look stupid and the girl then tempts him away with sex or beer. But, I also can’t name how many times I’ve listened to girls annoyed at somebody for being into sports or video games or some other obsession which lead to them ignoring the girl. I’ve listened to stories of the same thing ruining marriage. And with black and white thinking as a younger person I cut them out of my life. Sports isn’t that big in my household anyway .. So it’s not like I was really going to miss out on much. I enjoy occasionally watching a game, but I don’t care enough about games to let them get in the way of other things. I cut video games out of my life at the end of high school. I played them a lot. They were a good distraction from my stresses .. I decided I should learn to deal with my stress without having to use an escape method and just becoming non stressed. Since dating has started I found myself wrong. Many of the girls I go on dates with love sports and enjoy playing video games. **For more comments on media portrayals look at two of my movie reviews.
3)Black and white thinking about selfishness. I have a hard time putting any want before people. Its a good trait. But not in its extreme version. When I start dating, I stop writing, I don’t play or listen to as much music, I read less, I don’t go practice with improv comedy, I don’t seek out people to play sports with. I do just what I know I’m required to do, Homework, Work, Church commitments, and commitments to plays etc.
4)Passions as I envisioned them went something like this. If I was too passionate about anything then one day my wife would look at me and say Mark, you come home and you sit there and do this and that and you ignore the kids, and you don’t help in the house, and you are a bum. And I would just be that lame guy like in all the commercials, and in all those marriages where I see the wife is hurting and is frustrated and worn out. I’ve even worried that I’ll never write a book or a musical because I have this fear
5)Cutting out friends- to be honest, I have one really good guy friend right now who I can do things with. Sam, my roommate. All my other friends are girls. Or my other close guy friends are far away. Or I’ve always opted to be around girls instead of guys. . And so I don’t have any guy friends to do things with. When I’m dating I don’t necessarily feel comfortable going and hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends if I’m not with my girlfriend. So I just try and do something with my girlfriend all the time.

The consequences are this. Being around someone all the time leaves no time for the individuals in the relationship to think. It gets stressful. It doesn’t allow the other person to do the things they want, and it doesn’t allow me to do what I want. Plus it doesn’t represent how much time I spend alone doing my own thing at home. But even being home I’ve found recently I have trouble doing things for myself without feeling like I could be going and doing something more useful. This extreme takes the joy out of life and makes me unhappy. I just haven’t realized that it was the source because I thought I was acting unselfishly.

So what time is it? It’s time to take action. It’s time for me to realize that doing things that I enjoy and being passionate about them is healthy. Will they get in the way of my relationships. Maybe once in a while, but I think I’ve thought about it enough and will be sensitive enough that I won’t be like the guys in the commercial and if it occasionally gets out of hand, I’ll already know how to take a step back from the things I care about to do other things. And hopefully anyone I marry wouldn’t be afraid to tell me that I was doing it. This is part of relaxing and enjoying life. And now that I’ve written about it. I can just do it.

Letters to the Editor

Mark, Great post- it got me thinking!

I think I cheat, because my meditation typically comes when I run, it's how I get out my stress, and at the same time I feel like I accomplished something and exacted some control over myself. During my runs my mind clears, and answers to problems just come to me.

There's also a difference between mediation and analization.

This is a fabulous topic for discussion. Thanks for sharing.
Kori
**the line about the difference between meditation and analization was particularly helpful. I was talking to my friend Natalie about this and she said that she thought contemplation wasn’t analyzing but just taking things in and enjoying them. Together these two ideas have been particularly helpful. I highlighted the part on running because I felt it was a very profound thought :)

Mark,
I actually learned the "I need ME time" lesson a few weeks ago (see my blog for further details) :) but I take time to just sing, or play an instrument, or JUST sit and listen to music, or go to a concert. GO do something that you enjoy that keeps your mind activated, but isn't WORK. To me, THAT is relaxing. Hope that helps-? :)
Briana
**I’m going to refer to this in my passions article

Mark,
one step toward helping you relax more without necessarily distracting you from what you wish to accomplish - notice the little things. For example, when you're in the car, waiting, or even just sitting next to a window, look around - a lot of people have forgotten the little things and overlook them, and miss out on the joy and wonder that they can bring. If there are people around, are they busy, or do they look like they're on a stroll? Are they walking with someone, or alone. Why bother? Because there's a lot under the surface.
People are interesting, but my favorite thing to study during my "down time" is nature - the sky's wide range of colors and moods, the insects in the grass and the way they move, the sound of the wind as it moves through the leaves - do you know what I mean?
I've also found that it helps with my patience.

Hope this helps,
Belen (:
**Belen I enjoyed your comments a lot.

We need immigrants, but we need immigrants that want to come here and become citizens. Unfortunately, when millions pour illegally across our southern border with no intention of become citizens, it defeats the purpose and is also an ugly stain on our national fabric. Lawlessness seldom leads to anything good. At Ellis Island, they came in legally and started a new life as future citizens. It is an insult to those who have sacrificed everything to be US Citizens the right way, if we allow millions to "steal" their way into the same blessings. Without the rule of law, we have no country.

Brock
** I agree with these statements. . .especially about maintaining laws. . . And coming in legally is important. There isn’t an easy answer. In fact I don’t have any clue what one could do. Unfortunately where there are laws my experience (in California) was they weren’t enforced, and enforcing the laws was too costly with the amount of immigrants. However, the people who live here illegally don’t gain all the blessings. Without citizenship they are limited to a very few choice of jobs less they should be caught and they continually live in fear of being deported. They steal their way into some blessings but at a very high stress cost. Laws being upheld doesn’t bother me, people hating on immigrants does.

Mark,

I grew up in the country. I learned at an early age that there is a God. I knew this because of long walks, alone in the woods. Provo was a prison my first year of school. Then I discovered the mountains. A place of quite reflection. The mountains can be overwhelming. It is amazing to stand back and take them in. But it is more healing to me to find a place alone (a place that you think you are the first person that has been there, until you see the cigarette butt!) Look at the minute. Turn over a rock to see the patterns of the algae growing under it. Or study the vein structure of a leaf. Listen to one of those beautiful mountain streams and watch the water as it flows by. As your mind flows to nature it is easy to let go of the world. Be in that moment. After your observations of the infinitesimal. Look up, look around, take it in. Always then I feel so grateful and so renewed. It is a good time to talk to the Lord. Not so much in prayer, but just as a friend. He really is Omni-everything. So I don’t think it is disrespectful to be worshipful in prayer sometimes and be a best friend other times. I miss those times in nature. It is hard to get them now with a family and not having the same access to the woods. Even thinking of it now is comforting.

All the best.

Elizabeth

PS. Please oh please don’t spend these fun years stressed out. There is plenty of time for stress. Play, play, play. College was a blast. What a great time and place to be completely goofy! And the more you stress about finding the right girl the harder it will be. Be yourself, have fun and she will come to you.

**I woke up at four thirty in the morning the other day and went to a park a couple of blocks down and laid and staired at the mountains and the stars as they came out of the clouds. It was nice to let go and just try and breath in something without caring what was going on.

Broadway Song List
**These are a list of favorite Broadway tunes in no particular order- this list would change depending on what I’ve seen as of late . . . Or can remember.
“Along the Way”- Paul and Pasek’s Edges
“Stars”- Les Miserables
“I Dreamed a Dream”- Les Miserables
“Dancing through Life”-Wicked
“Thank Goodness” Wicked- the part where Glinda sings “I couldn’t be happier”
“If I can’t Love Her”- Beauty and the Beast
“I’ve Been”- Next to Normal
“Goodbye” Catch Me If You Can- yes there is a musical
“I’m still hurting” The Last Five Years
“I’ll Be There”- Pirate Queen
“I Miss the Mountains”- Next to Normal
‘Without Love”- Hairspray

Other Songs I like- notice how much this affected by billboard toppers
King of Anything Sarah Bareillis –I love how biting Sarah Bareillis is. She is honest and direct. “Love Song” is the same way. I love the way she rocks the piano. “Who died and made you king of anything” Plus I love her body and facial expressions in the video.
Secrets-One Republic- can somebody explain the music video to me? Favorite Line: “til all my sleeves are stained red from all the truth I’ve said”
Angels and Airwaves Young London- I love the intro- I haven’t picked up the message of this song yet.
California Girls- Katie Perry “Nothing comes close to the Golden Coast.” Minus the price, I really think California is beautiful and could be happy living there.
I Never Told You- Colbie Caillat Colbie is in my mind the female equivalent of Jack Johnson . .. Don’t take that literally. They are very different, but their music and voices are both very calming to me.
If it’s love- Train - great new music by Train after several years off the scene “the rest is just whatever”
Nothin on You- B.O.B. - I love the hypocrisy in the video and Bruno Mars is really short
Love the Way You Lie- Originally by Eminem with Rihanna .. .I like Tyler Wards remake.

Movie Reviews
Freedom Writers- good movie. A bit of language. I appreciate it because its about a teacher in a hard situation who gives her all. Unfortunately her passion does ruin her marriage. . That and her husbands lack of communication skills.
Toy Story Three- They pulled it off a third time. . .magnificent go see it.
Letters to Juliet- fun movie, way cheesy, I don’t believe in the destiny crap . .but there were some fun parts. In this one, the passion of the fiance about his business ends his relationship with the girls **this happens over and over again in chick flicks :)

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 186th Edition

2010-07-13T19:33:00.002-05:00

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The Daily Honky Tonk
186th Edition
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
6:32 PM

So, I’ve returned to Provo. Not much else to say there. Provo is pretty much my home at this point. Going home is visiting. It was nice though. It was good to be around family. It was nice to learn a lot more about my parents that I didn’t know. I love learning from people’s experiences. Experiences are in my mind the best teacher. They illustrate best what we have learned. Principles are nice, but they are so wide and not specific. Principles applied to specific experiences teach me things that I wouldn’t understand otherwise.
The family reunion on the farm was excellent. It was so nice to see family. It’s nice to be older and to understand better the varying personalities and watch how they interact. Families are some of the greatest teachers I know.
I’m digging into myself and trying to understand some things. I’m hoping writing will help. I hope that as you read, you will have experiences you can share with me personally or publically that have helped you.

Patience

Two of the main topics that I study in the Gospel are patience and charity. I can always use a lot more of both of these.
I’m out of school until fall semester. I have over a month where I’ll just be working a few hours a day. I’m used to keeping myself so incredibly busy that I don’t usually have any time for myself. Now that I have all this time for myself, I’m tempted to fill it back up . . .but I think the Lord wants me to learn to relax. To be patient with life and accept the pace of life and not how I hectically try to live it.
I was about to pick up a book today, when I saw the Ensign sitting on my roommates computer and the headling “Slowing Down and Putting God First”. Those who put God first slow down I wandered? I keep trying to dedicate all my actions and thoughts and life choices to Him and to do as much as I can for my Heavenly Father. In short, I picked up the article and read it.
This part stuck out to me the most- the subtitle was :Don’t be in a hurry to Fill Your Days with “Busyness”
“A national journalist shared the following blunt assessment: “A good Mormon is a busy Mormon.” A historian has also observed that “in Mormon culture . . .action is esteemed over contemplation.” Noting the Church’s mandate to prepare the world for the Millennium, the author wondered if our sense of “urgency, [initially] fed by noble purposefulness, [might] morph into busyness.
It is true that we have work enough to do, but when it comes to busyness, we may be taking our cues from the world rather than the Lord and His servants.” Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles cautioned us against a “frantic, heedless busyness . . . [that often] crowds out contemplation and . . . leaves no time for renewal.” He likened thoughtful “intervals between [our] tasks” to “the green belts of grass, trees, and water that . . . Interrupt the asphalt,” and he said that when we “plan some time for contemplation and renewal,” we will feel drawn to our work instead of driven to it.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve observed how easily we fill our lives with “appointments, meetings, and tasks” and then act frightened at the prospect of some quiet time. Why would that be? He feared that we might “feel that the busier we are, the mor important we are – as though our busyness defines our worth.” On another occasion, he reminded us that “being busy is not necessarily being spiritual” - for in fact, noise and busyness can actually crowd out the still, small voice of the Spirit”.
President Gordon B. Hinckley prescribed a remedy for this fever of busyness: meditation, or pondering, or introspection. President Hinckley recalled that his father “never ceased growing” because he made time for thinking, meditating, [and] pondering.” You may have to turn off your TV, computer, cell phone, or MP3 Player, but it’s worth it. As Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society general president, put it: “take time to slow down and ponder so that you can feel the Lord’s love for you.”

I like this article, but I have some questions on application of the principles:
I do more than enough contemplation and pondering - my parents have told me that multiple times . . In fact one of the lessons that I felt was most important for me was “stop thinking and just act”. . . While I am very well aware of the power of pondering and contemplation and believe it is good. . .there are times when contemplation and pondering is so stressful for me that I would prefer to be busy and not to have to think. Any suggestions for replacements?
How does one renew? I’m so used to not taking time for myself and thinking that most of the time my needs are selfish . . . How and what is renewal like?
It says if we relax we will feel drawn to our work. I think this could apply to a lot of other parts of our life. Sometimes I feel like I have to keep myself driven to things. .. I feel like a lot of things don’t draw me and I have to find within myself my own power. . . Else I have always considered that if I didn’t press myself, I would run from most things just because its so much work and energy. . . Oh the fears and the anxieties of life. Can anyone relay an experience in which they learned how to let go and then were drawn to things more naturally?
What are some ways you handle your own stresses?

“Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God’s will and accept His timing. When you are patient, you hold up under pressure and are able to face adversity calmly and hopefully. Patience is related to hope and faith – you must wait for the Lord’s promised blessings to be fulfilled.
You need patience in your everyday experiences and relationships, especially with your companion. You must be patient with all people, yourself included, as you work to overcome faults and weaknesses.” (PMG)
**I have read this quote over and over again to remind myself that being anxious and frustrated and angry is not the feeling Heavenly Father intends me to have. Usually it has to do with my want for control over my life. I’ve watched lots of people who suffer because they just let life happen to them. The extreme is that they feel like they have no control over their life or what is happening or what they are feeling. Most of us go back and forth between the two. I could learn a little about letting some parts of life just happen to me.

“Strive to love as He loves, with unfailing compassion, patience, and mercy.”
**I struggle to love myself with mercy. Mercy means giving people the benefit of the doubt. Generally they mean the best things and even if they do stupid things they aren’t usually intending to hurt another person. Life, feelings, making choices are all difficult . . . Part of mercy is being patient while waiting to understand, to grow, and to change. I beat myself up for not making changes or growing fast enough.

“Others seek only to have fun in life. With this as their main goal, they allow temporary pleasure to distract them from lasting happiness. They rob themselves of the enduring joys of spiritual growth, service, and hard work.”
**I think busyness is the other extreme of this .. .in my mind, only do things that are joys that come through endurance. . .only spiritually grow, only serve others the best you know how, only work hard. I struggle to give myself time to just enjoy some parts of life . . . I tend to think that my time is spent selfishly when I’m not working for something outside of me. However, after reading about Winston Churchill (who was so effective as an individual partially because he knew how to completely relax when he took time to relax) and realizing that this is not a healthy attitude. .. I could really use some experiences and stories about doing things for oneself and the blessing that came from it.

I liked this quote I found that Amy sent me, I wrote it down in my journal one day when I was trying to work past some troubles through writing.
“The greatest handicap: Fear
The best day: Today
The worst bankruptcy: Loss of enthusiasm
The hardest thing: To begin”

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 185th Edition

2010-07-06T11:10:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
185th Edition
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
10:08 AM

Being Home

Our road trip was a good chance to take time to talk and learn as a family. As we were returning to Illinois late in the evening on Saturday we were playing a family discussion game. The question card said to talk about your earliest child hood memories. It was fun to see who remembered what early on. I love learning about people. I read a biography about Churchill and I’m working on McCullough’s massive John Adam’s biography. As I’ve gotten older, its nice to get new stories about my parents life that they haven’t shared with me before. I gain new insights into life and understand more where they came from and how life changes, develops, and grows. One of the most interesting conversations was on Sunday as I was fighting a battle with my anxiety and perfectionism.
My parents started digging into what I was like as a child and helping me remember that some things may not be completely changeable in me because we are born with certain traits. This idea helped in me in the battles of life in which I struggle to love myself. I find myself asking how can I feel so much love for others and believe so much that God loves them, but not believe I can be loved? It’s rather hypocritical on my part. Anyway, I’m getting away from what I want to talk about. I was the first child, and my parents said they were a lot more controlling. However, I would go toe to toe with them on things. When I knew what I wanted, I fought for it. They said it took about five years until they could finally learn that I needed to be presented choices and then to let me make the choice on my own. Things didn’t go well if they backed me into a corner and I didn’t have the choices. If they wanted me to do something, they would have to find several different ways I could do it that were reasonable to them and then present me with the choice. Once I was making the decision I could choose and do what I wanted within there parameters and I felt my need of choosing and doing what I wanted was in my control.
They commented that both Caleb and I have a talent for getting what we want. We know how to field the right questions and we both know appropriately how to press into people’s comfort zones. We both know how to phrase our questions in ways that don’t challenge people or push too far. However, my parents say I’m more likely to go toe to toe with someone fighting for the things I want. Caleb is better at leaving things alone when he knows he won’t be able to get it. I take a lot longer to realize that I can’t get something.
I saw that over the years, this may have developed into a parenting skill that my parents have that I appreciate the most. Their ability to talk to me about choices and give me a clear view of several choices. I used to struggle a lot if anyone told me what to do. By giving me choices and laying out the consequences they always left the choice in my power. From the outside world most people would say my parents are fairly controlling. My parents actually agree in a lot of ways, and know that at times all their children would agree. However, most of the time I don’t feel they are controlling, but rather they bestow wisdom upon me that usually leads me to make a good choice anyway. I still like having my own choices. I think I have become a lot better follower. I’ve had to fight to become that way. I don’t like the pressure that comes when I feel like I’m being told I have to do something. But, I’ve learned to let that feeling go and when it doesn’t matter to just do what people want. However, generally, I still want control. I like leading. I like being in the power to make decisions. But I work hard to use the same thing my parents taught me. You don’t control the people to do what you want. You give them choices, you lay out the consequences, and then you let them decide. But, there are always “buts”, there are times when you just have to tell people what to do and hold them to that.
Maybe when it comes down to it, this is why I am sometimes obsessed about knowing what people want. I try and figure out what people really want in their life. I don’t care what it is, but I know I can’t be of much service unless I know what they are shooting for. What do I want, other people to be happy. I can’t reach my end goal without knowing what their goal is. However, I have to set aside that goal when I remember that I can’t make people happy, it’s not my job to make them happy, and they can only really be happy for themselves.

New York

We parked our car about an hour and a half outside the city and road a train in. A short list of our activities include:
-The Museum of Natural History (the “setting” of Night in the Museum)
-Central Park
-West Side Story (Caleb, Nathan, and I)
-China Town, Little Italy, and watching soccer while walking down the streets
-South Pacific (Caleb, Nathan, Gideon, and I)
-Church in the Chapel over the Temple in downtown Manhattan (which Natalie told me is right across from Juliard)
-The Met
-Street Performers- music, people jumping, etc.
-Soaking in Time Square
-The top of the Rockefeller Center
-The Empire State Building
-Next to Normal
-The Today Show (seeing Tom Brokaw, Matt, Al, and Kristen Stewart (Bella, if you’ve forgotten)
-And a heck of a ton of walking and keeping younger kids fed and taking turns with Addie on our shoulders

A couple of observations:
-I love big buildings with beautiful architecture- whether it is old or sleek and modern. That 13 year old kid who wanted to be an architect still gets excited at certain aspects of beautiful buildings. A couple of my favorites have been Grand Central Station and The Met.
-Because of the lack of space, buildings have to save lots of space. In non important places like certain hallways and entrance rooms they take space out. I get a little claustrophobic in the city. Subway terminals (not so much the subway themselves) have felt that way too with low lying ceilings and hundreds of people.
-Time Square is the epitome of American Advertising. It’s impressive. Glimmer, glammer . . . And Broadway! A fascinating place for sure.
-Due to the number of TVs down the streets of New York, watching the game became a community event. I could watch the watch the game in multiple places as I traveled down the street. A cheer or groan from a group could be heard up and down a block. I like that feel of community.
-I long thought I wanted if I had the money (and I mean lots of it) to live in the city for a year. It doesn’t seem that appealing anymore.
-I love watching the passing faces. I love the mix of culture and languages that surrounds me. I love the variety of life. Something about seeing the vast amount of people caused me to reflect on Heavenly Father and His love. Hmmm . . . I’m going to say what caused me to ponder was the Spirit. I realized that if Heavenly Father could love every person in this city personally, then that love would extend to me in a very personal way and can’t be limited too my finite understanding. My love for others automatically feels increased.

Broadway Review
West Side Story- I loved the dances in West Side Story. If there was a trade center for talents, I would call up and request the ability to dance- I would sacrifice. . .sweating lots (especially in humidity). I also appreciated that much of the cast was Hispanic. I had never seen the full story, but I knew it was a Romeo and Juliet like story. I enjoyed the theme of facing and understanding racial mixtures. I think I’ll comment on this more in my Ellis Island Section.
South Pacific- I loved that I knew next to nothing about South Pacific. The whole musical was a surprise waiting for me. My favorite characters were by far Bloody Mary and the mechanic who are both hilarious. However, I like the main love story between our old french plantation owner and little Arkansas girl. The thing I like most about their relationship is the aspect of falling completely in love and then coming to terms with things they discover after they are head over heels (this was a lot more realistic and interesting to me then the passionate murders of West Side Story).
Next to Normal- this is a new musical you may not have heard of. The main theme circles around the treatment and consequences of the Depression/Anxiety/Schitzophrenia the mom has and how it affects the home and her relationships with her children and husband. The music is brilliant/fabulous. Right now its competing for Wicked’s place as my favorite musical. The story is brilliant, hilarious (while not making fun of the seriousness of the issue), and there are moments that are deeply sad, but mostly you feel alive and real, and the musical ends on a positive note. However, the only thing you need to know is that there is a bit of language. I think the F word was used probably around thirty times and other language appeared from time to time. But the story is about coping with a real issue that I really care about and I think it was beautiful. Oh I loved it. It’s going on tour apparently on the 18th, several of the leads will be going with it, so go see it.

Ellis Island
To be perfectly honest, my visit to Ellis Island was a far more spiritual experience than I had intended. I felt very connected to the people who came through Ellis Island and the Spirit of Elijah manifest the promise that “the hearts of the children would be turned to the hearts of the fathers”. Walking where thousands had entered our nation I felt gratitude for the mix of cultures and people whom live in our country. As I listened and asked questions of our national park guides (I don’t envy their uniforms by the way), I came to see that the country at the time was trying to provide the best opportunity for people to come. Ellis Island is associated with, or at least has been in mind, a crowded place that people had to suffer through. And while it was, only 2 percent of the people who came were rejected. The crowded conditions came after they had expanded Ellis Island simply without the foresight or comprehension of how many people would actually come. It was interesting to me that people were afraid of the authority figures who were observing them because many’s experience previously led them to believe that policemen practiced extortion, beat, and executed people. And, another fact that I found interesting was that at the time, the health care on the Island was some of the best available.
Now, to pull in West Side Story, and Japanese Interment camps, and any other historical events (perhaps Hitler and the Jews), I want to address my concern about new immigration laws. Laws are important and necessary. I don’t really want to talk about the law since I haven’t done my research on it. However, I worry about the attitude towards immigration on our southern border. Some behavior reminds me of attitudes of hate reflected in West Side Story. The behavior also reminds me of the Japanese Internment camps, or even the shipping away of the Commies. I’m worried that some of the action is not motivated out of love for the law and country but out of hate and misunderstanding.
Even if there are individuals crossing the border (and I know there are a lot, I met hundreds of them in California), I’m afraid of the hatred that drives some of the voices trying to protect our border. I would hate for this to be another stain on our nation. I would be disappointed to repeat mistakes history has already made. As much as our nation has been built upon the mixing of peoples and cultures, and as many conflicts as we have had, you would think people would learn.
The Hispanic community in California is very social and interactive. One of the things I noticed while reading in the Ellis Island museum was a plaque that said people would often live together many to a single apartment so that they could support one another and get each other on their feet until the individuals had enough to go live on their own. Many people still do this when they come to our country. I’ve always been somewhat judgmental of this kind of living establishment, but suddenly reading that line I saw the love and the good will towards each other that I missed when I paid more attention to the less desirable living conditions. I was talking to my Nepalese roommates and they told me that you could go anywhere in Nepal and if you needed a meal and a place to stay you walked into any house and they would provide it free. The people trust and love each other. The Nepalese told me how shocked they were to discover that we send away our old ones and ignore them. While being independent (a key attribute of our nation) has its important and very good aspects, I think we could learn a lot from the other cultures. Sometimes we miss out on the happiness and connection that is available to them as we sit in fear of putting ourselves out there for each other.
In short, I ask that we be careful as we look for solutions in handling immigration and the way we deal with other people.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 184th Edition

2010-05-21T13:03:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
184th Edition
Friday, May 21, 2010
12:03 PM

So what does it mean that I’m writing a DHT? It means my classes are cancelled for today. And I have enough hours to squeeze in some writing for fun. Which I’ve really been wanting to do. I couldn’t ask for a better summer so far. But eight credits of class hour (which is the equivalent of a 16 credit normal semester), three hours of rehearsal a night, and a new girlfriend will keep one busy . . . A good busy . . . A really good busy :)
Anyway, let’s have some fun talking to each other. Oh . ..what’s that you say? I dominate the conversation? Really? Hmmm . . . I’ll try and include you in my dialogue. Don’t give me THAT look. I am weird . . . But I KNOW it. As long as you can think that you might be crazy - you can’t be crazy- crazy people never ask themselves whether they are- at least that is what David Auburn taught me in his play Proof.

Table of Contents
“Understanding- by Samuel Kellar” This thought provoking article comes from my roommate. I asked him to record down the lesson he shared with me as we were talking one night. After reading his writing and knowing that he and I have conversations about all sorts of interesting things, I think you’ll see why I love having Sam as my roommate.
“YouTube Collaborations”- An observation about changes in technology and their potential
“Mysteries of Monster Grove” - A shameless plug for the play I’m in that rocks!
“Letters to the Editor”- more like letter .. .but still appreciated. I had another one from one of my Mission Presidents that I appreciated .. .but I don’t think you all would understand the Spanish :)

Understanding- Samuel Kellar

Mark asked me to write down a lesson I learned from my parents during the last presidential elections. So this is my simple attempt to put words to the ideas that jump in and out of my mind. I hope it sounds coherent.
As a preface it is helpful to understand that I am studying physics in college. I was raised by two parents who were fairly well educated. My father has a PhD. in logistics and all but dissertation on another PhD. in mathematics. My mother is a docter. She studies family practice specifically and is continuing her education even as she raises her children. Hopefully, I don’t sound boastful but I just want to make clear that I was raised in a house that was very educated. From a young age I was taught to make clear any opinions I had and my father especially would play devil’s advocate commonly to force his children to come to a clear understanding of where their opinions were and why. This was common place for anything that was up for discussion in my house. As a result when I come to conclusions I generally have thought them through and can explain why I feel a certain way.
This hopefully serves as an informative back-story to the story I am about to tell. During the presidential elections I was, sadly, a common college student. I briefly listened to summaries of what candidates said and formed “educated” opinions on their platforms. It certainly was an imperfect way to form opinions but it was what I did. During all the campaigning something that came up consistently was the idea of going green. As a scientist I agree with this idea. I feel I have a decent idea of what good will come from this. These campaigns excited me because I felt they were very important. I paid a bit more attention to what was being said around these campaign points. The more I listened the more frustrated I became. I realized that the conclusions the candidates reached I agreed with but their logic was completely flawed. It was to short sighted. It was to short term. There was no way, I felt, these goals could be reached on the schedule they were laying out. This really frustrated me because I could easily foresee the common people giving up on good ideas because development was to slow. This is the problem with right conclusions from flawed logic. At some point someone realizes the problems in the logic and begins to doubt the conclusion independent of how correct it is. As I went home during a break for school I expressed these feelings to my parents. I gave it my best shot anyway. They did not seem see my point of view much less be persuaded. Finally, in a moment of frustration I said something to the effect that the reason I was so bothered by these campaign promises is that they were lies. They were lies because there was no possible way anyone could follow through with them. It did not matter if I could explain how I knew this. It didn’t change the fact that the campaign promises were wrong and I therefore interpreted them as lies since they were passed along as promises. My father proceeded to teach me a profound lesson. He asked me who had said these lies. I told him that I heard it on the news and on campaign commercials. He asked me who I thought wrote those commercials and the news reports. I told him I did not know but I imagined someone was hired to do so. He asked me what kind of a person I thought would be hired to do that job. Would it be someone who had a Phd. in physics or chemistry and understood the ins and outs of the discussion. Was it someone who had an extensive knowledge on the subject. Was it someone who had thought through all of the counterpoints to convince themselves that the logic was sound. I had to admit I could not imagine anyone like that having written the commercials or news. My father then said that he was not convinced from my words that these campaign promises were false. Though I felt like I understood the subject much better than the people writing about the topic I could not express myself convincingly enough to show the others were incorrect. I have to admit I am not sure if at this moment he was just playing devil’s advocate or if he was serious but independent I learned a great lesson that day. If I with all my education and preparation could not express myself clearly and succinctly at that moment it is very understandable that someone else who was not as prepared would say “lies.” I do not wish this to be a commentary on the people making those campaign promises. I want to expand this to a much broader sphere because that is how I understood it.
There are so many times that I feel like someone has said something that is wrong and I try to show them why. I realized that sometimes people have the correct idea and they simply don’t know how to express it. The example that comes to mind is someone in fast and testimony meeting feeling prompted to speak on the importance of eternal families. They came from an imperfect home that was unfortunately broken during their childhood. They try to express the love they still felt from both their parents throughout their childhood. They are thankful that there are promises that they will one day have an eternal family. With all of these thoughts coming to mind and a short period of preparation they say the first things that come to their mind. They say something to the effect of “I am grateful to live in a divorced family.”
This is clearly incorrect and it is very tempting to nip this in the bud. I began to realize that this is not the important thing. The intent is the important part of the statement. It was clearly not said in any way meant to provoke. Also when someone comes up and corrects the comment it is natural to feel defensive but suddenly they don’t have anywhere to turn. They don’t know how to express themselves and they either fight back or retreat to a corner. It is difficult to really solve the problem because no one really knows what it is. I know I have felt this way in my life. It is uncomfortable especially when you are certain that all parties would agree if proper communication took place. Sometimes we just don’t allow that to happen.
I learned an important lesson that day. The lesson of understanding. It is important to listen to what people have to say. Even when it comes out imperfectly it is important to understand the person. Sometimes we say things and mean something completely different than what we mean. Sometimes we do not comprehend the full effect of our words. If time is not taken to reach and understanding then no progress is ever made. As a result many problems arise from a situation that could have been avoided entirely.

YouTube Collaborations

Among college students, we spend a lot of time Utilizing YouTube. YouTube clips are used to share funny moments with each other from movies or t.v. Shows. YouTube allows individuals a medium in which they can create and share short films. YouTube allows people to listen to new music and for aspiring (and not so aspiring) artists to share their latest creations. And at this point, YouTube is a tool that is effective for allowing teachers to add a media element to their teaching. I’ve learned a lot from YouTube!
One of my favorite recent discoveries is a group called WongFu Productions. A couple of students who found short films as a fun media hobby made it their life job. Many of their short films make the mind ponder over simple interesting aspects of life. My favorites have been a series of three short films entitled Technology Ruins Romance. Type those three words into YouTube and they will appear right away.
The real reason that I wrote this article however, is because I found an Artist called Tyler Ward collaborating with TheBeatboxHitman. Both record in home made studios and are popular YouTube artists. The thing that fascinated me the most is that they recorded a mash-up (combination of two songs) cover without ever having to come in contact in the physical world. I think this is really neat. I love that we can create things together with people and collaborate to make something more than what we could do on our own. If you want to watch this performance go to http://www.youtube.com/user/TylerWardMusic#p/u/22/gRDsPDpdhZg

Mysteries of Monster Grove

We went through our first full dress/ full tech rehearsal last night. The production is gorgeous. I guess gorgeous is a bad word for monsters . . .but they are fun monsters. Are show is designed for an audience of kids (with enough intelligent moments for adults to enjoy it with their kids). I love this play more every day. My cast is a lot of fun to play with. The costumes, lighting, sounds, and props have created a whole new world that we play in and I love every moment in Monster Grove. If you are going to be in Provo anytime from May 26-June 12th I invite you to come see a performance. If not, go check out these sites to get a little taste of what we have done :)

For ticket info:
http://www.byuarts.com/calendar/eventdescription_v2.php?eventid=626

http://heraldextra.com/entertainment/arts-and-theatre/theatre/article_325d5bc8-774d-567f-805f-17cd399a668f.html

If you go to this page one of the four title pictures it scrolls through is for Monster Grove . . . It’s my favorite picture of some of the monsters in our cast :)
http://www.byuarts.com/

Letters to the Editor

Well I have to see the Dragon movie because I completely agree with you on Blind Side (amazing job with a book), Julie & Julia and The Village. M. Night really makes you think. And the point of the movie that you can’t escape bad things, is so profound. Especially when they have worked SO hard and given up SO much to achieve it. It’s quite sad really.

If you like the 5 hour Pride & Prejudice, I was very pleased with BBC’s 8 hour rendering of Dickens’ Bleak House and highly recommend it.

Shelly Olivier

** I like what you said about the point of The Village. It really is the most profound aspect of the movie. Maybe I’ll point a friend of mine to it and ask her to watch it when thinking about relationships. She’s had a boy pursuing her a little and has been scared to let herself like him. There is a lot of fear of getting into a relationship because it could be painful, especially if it doesn’t work out. But, accepting the pain is also accepting the joy. And in any case, you are just avoiding one type of pain and volunteering to accept the pains of loneliness if you choose not to love. I’ve always liked the oft quoted “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”(Moulin Rouge or originally Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy” - I just did my research).

The Editor
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 183rd Edition

2010-04-24T05:38:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
183rd Edition
Saturday, April 24, 2010
4:40 AM

Being perfectly honest, I’ve struggled a lot with sleep in my life. As my parents could tell you I stopped taking naps within the first year or so of my life. Tonight I find myself still awake and as I am starting this DHT it is 3:52 AM. Which likely means I will finish between 4:30 and 5:00. Usually my sleep finds me around 1 or 2 when I’m having a really hard time. The funny thing is I don’t even feel really tired right now. I know I’m going to be paying for this for the rest of today but sleep is just not coming. . .so I might as well write.

Moving

To be honest, I’m pretty sure tonight I’m awake because I’m moving. Big changes- they always lead to less sleep . . . Even when I am excited for the change. Starting a new school year, taking a plane somewhere else, at different points in dating, big tests, projects, performances, the night before leaving to be a missionary, before leaving the MTC, before coming home, before going to college. My mind and body tell me a big change is coming and nothing many things are about to change.
I have to admit that my feelings about moving are very bittersweet. I am excited for a change. But I realized that I have come to think of this room and the bed I am sitting on as my own. I’ve come to love all the people who are in my ward. I love them a lot. And it has been sad to see them go, and sad to think of others who I am leaving here. This is life. People move on. But now as I leave, I know that my heart has become attached- something I sometimes fear I don’t actually do with people. My feelings are proving some of my thoughts and assumptions wrong. I still feel for people and yearn for their closeness and the relationships I have with them. And I look ever so much forward to these next few months of adventure.

Big Events

My friend Kjerstine Young (formerly Jackson) just had a little girl, Adelaide. I’m excited for her.
I already mentioned moving.
I know several couples getting married today. Later tonight I’ll go to a wedding reception.
I finished another semester.
The play performances begin in just over a month.
Life is gorgeous in so many ways.

Movie Reviews

So it’s possible that I watch quite a few movies. I love watching movies. I love the music, the acting, the stories, and thought provoking messages.

How to Train Your Dragon
When it comes to thought provoking messages. . .not so much in this movie. When it comes to being good fun entertainment with a nice story “How to Train Your Dragon” is a winner. I’m sure you have seen plenty of dragons- but I bet you haven’t ever thought they looked cute or really wanted to have your own. Wait, I lie. If you read Eragon and the succeeding books you may have wanted a dragon. But you probably never thought of Eragon as cute. Anyway, its a fun movie and appropriate for a family outing.

Julie and Julia
Wow. I don’t think I reviewed The Blind Side- but The Blind Side has become one of my favorite movies of all. Why do I mention this, because I think Julie and Julia was a movie of similar caliber. Granted, I would love to watch The Blind Side over and over again. Julie and Julia, I would probably enjoy watching again in a year or two . ..but if I never got around to it I probably wouldn’t mind. However, it is a beautifully put together film. However, I think the real thing that sells this movie is Meryl Streep. Her acting is incredible in every shape way and form. This is perfect for a date night, or a cooking party with a more mature audience. There is a little bit of language and there are some suggestive scenes but nothing to graphic. Definitely worth a watch :)

The Village
So, tonight I went to a friends birthday party and when I came back I had a few more things that I needed to do to pack and so I put in The Village with the intent of not finishing it. In fact, once I was done packing, I turned it off. After laying in my bed without sleep coming, I decided to finish it. Now, typically I am not a fan of scary movies. They aren’t my thing. The darkness that resides in my heart when I watch one is not something I enjoy in the least bit. But this is actually my second time watching The Village because I love it. Now, the reason I was able to enjoy The Village enough the first time was that somebody explained to me what was happening. Not only was I told the reasons, but there is nothing supernatural in the movie. At the end of the movie there is no unsettling feeling. The only other scary movie that I enjoy is Signs. Interestingly enough, these are both by M. Night Shyalaman.
What intrigues me about Shyalamans films is that he is such a good storyteller. Both Signs and The Village are profound stories. One of the main themes of The Village is dealing with pain and suffering and life. The movie has profound insight to what is good and evil. It considers the extremes at which we might go to protect those that we love. It shows the depths of human care, joy, and sorrow. Shyalamans scripts are genius and beautiful. They discuss topics of faith, doubt, fear, hope, good, evil, and everything that is profound in life. Besides this, it is a movie that continues to unveil meaning upon re-watching.
Like Julie and Julia, this is another movie with incredible acting. The characters are rich. Two of the most interesting characters are a blind girl and a mentally retarded young man. But as a whole, the entirety of the cast does beautifully.
As a final plus, the music from The Village is absolutely gorgeous as it appropriately accompanies a beautiful green 18th Century village. If you are interested in watching and desire not to be scared, I can explain the main parts of the movie. However, it will spoil the movie in some senses. I still enjoyed it even knowing, more so then if I hadn’t. The other part of the movie, which I don’t really like is that there is a stabbing in it. I close my eyes. I don’t recommend this for the young. And I have given you the precautions that I still have.

I think that is all I want to write about tonight. Hope you enjoy. I’ve enjoyed getting responses back from people. Some I may not have responded to but fully meant to. I’ll have to go back and look. Thanks for reading. Or skimming :)

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 182nd Edition

2010-04-21T17:24:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
182nd Edition
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
4:25 PM

Two weeks turn around on writing another DHT. I like this much better. It could have to do with the fact that I finished all my finals and don’t start spring classes again till Tuesday. I’m also most of the way packed to move and did a lot of cleaning on my apartment. And I don’t even move out until Saturday. So I think I am in pretty good shape.
Mainly in this email I want to share a few quotes that I found recently and to re-share a piece I wrote back in 2006 that I’m pretty proud of.

Quotes

From a Word A Day by Anu Garg- an interesting quote about effecting change. However, I think that in reality everyone needs to be willing to “be anything or nothing in the world’s estimation”.
Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation. -Susan B. Anthony, reformer and suffragist (1820-1906)

From my Book of Mormon class, a letter that our Professor once received that talks about what Faith really is.
“I worry when we sometimes teach our children that if they have enough faith, God will restore a lost dollar, a lost toy, or a lost school paper to them. What will they think when God does not restore a lost parent or sibling? Do we set them up to fail in their faith? We teach them the belief that faith is enough to get what they most want. When in fact, faith is being willing to trust what God wants, whatever that might be.
“I have spent a lot of time wondering why my faith was not enough to change things. What I have come to understand is, that sometimes it takes more faith to accept things as they are, than it does to change them. I have also come to understand that true faith is trusting God, even when it hurts desperately, even when we don’t feel equal to what is asked of us, even when we don’t seem to receive what we live for, even when we feel so alone, even when we don’t understand. With the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we do not give up, give out, or give in. We endure, we trust with faith that we will someday understand. We strive to love God as Christ did, and to trust in His perfect love for us.”

I love the line in this letter “even when it hurts desperately”. I don’t even know that I’ve hurt desperately, but sometimes my heart has ached for a long time as I have tried to understand something. But its not necessary to understand everything. Nobody does and nobody asks us to.

Baby

Fallout boy has a song called “Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner,” (I actually don’t even really know what it sounds like, but Amy said it was her favorite one time) but to say “Nobody” is a big assumption and I am going to prove that assumption as false. I, myself put Baby in the corner all the time. In fact, that is where Baby belongs; in the corner. By putting her in the corner I can find her and pick her up again each morning. It’s nice to see Baby in the corner all quiet and pretty. And when I pick her up, she sings. Or, at least it sounds like music to me.
Baby is my acoustic guitar- a Jasmine model by the guitar company Takamine. I found her in a little guitar shop in Urbana, the kind where the guy running the store probably owns and loves it. He was very nice, very helpful in finding a guitar, and was also very knowledgeable about guitars. It didn’t take long before we found the Takamine; it had just come in. Who knew that you could buy such a great friend for one hundred and twenty dollars?
Baby and I can play for hours and often, we do. Until of course, a couple of people in the house get tired of us repeating the same music to make sure we have just the right words and just the right sounds. So Baby and I take a break, knowing we can pick back up right where we left off. It’s rather pleasant to know your friend will be in the same temper it was the last time you left it- even if you are not.
Sometimes I play Baby because I’m sad. Sometimes because I want to get rid of some anger or stress. But most of the time I play Baby because it makes me happy. With no relevance to whether I am sad, angry, or happy- Baby still sings beautiful and clear, even when I cannot.
Some days I just sit with Baby running through the same old stuff. Making sure it stays in my head so I don’t forget it. But then, Baby and I like to explore; try new chord combinations, write new lyrics, and form beginnings of new songs. When Baby and I can’t figure things out, we just walk away to wait a little while.
While waiting I start listening to music. No, not hearing music- listening to it. Breaking it down into components. The voice fluctuates here, but the guitar doesn’t come in till here. Oh! Did you catch what the drum did right there. Genius. Once you take the component apart to see what you do, you can put them back together. I like that. It makes me feel like a little mechanic.
When I was a little kid, I played with Legos all the time. I loved piecing the colored brick together into spaceships of exploration, armies to fight out civil wars, and space wars and wars where Indians, space guys, cowboys, and revolutionaries all fought on the same battleground? I loved building massive cities with buildings two or three bricks high where Lego people became real, ran businesses, and fell in love. This was great, I loved it. But I often wandered and kind of wished in my little heart that I was like the kids who had to tear things up and figure out how they worked; like for example my cousins Russel and Shelvin. But apparently I must have been afraid of the consequences of tearing things up. Because all I ever did was build. And if I couldn’t make it on my own then it wasn’t that important. Sadly, I lack a mechanical understanding of electricity, cars, home repair, etc.; in short, when I grow up, I’ll read the manual. But it wasn’t the same with music.
Music was something I could grasp. We bought a piano for about seventy-five dollars off our close friends the Walkers. Out of tune, with ruined keys, it should have been on the side of the street (which is where it did eventually end up, soaked by rain, sounding awful and sick). But instead my parents bought it with hopes of getting it tuned and repaired (when we finally called to see what the cost would be to repair and tune the piano, they told us it would be better to buy a new one- repair costs would have been prohibitive). After they bought it, that piano sat there in our house- looking pretty?
At the time it was beautiful to me. I kept asking my parents to let me take lessons. Finally, after a year of me pleading for lessons, they found Kevin Wells, a piano teacher from another ward in Roanoke Virginia. So, in fourth grade, I began to unlock the components of the piano, and, in reality, to all music.
I recall flying through the first couple of lesson books, barely able to contain the excitement. Progress, learn more, progress, get better. I was breaking into a beautiful world that was mine to play with. At the time though, I only knew the parts of the music world that others had created. It didn’t matter though, I loved playing others music. Because I could play others music, in a way it became mine.
It wasn’t till shortly before we moved that I started really listening to music. After we moved, music became my constant companion. My new piano teacher, Brother Nakea, studied piano performance at the University of Illinois, and still meets with a professor before performing sets of work by Chopin, Mozart, and Grieg. With this type of apprenticeship and previous learning, my pinao teacher has been able to extend my understanding of music far beyond anything I imagined. He opened my eyes to writing music, to loving the intricacies that the composers put in. Little did I realize when I started piano that one day I would be able to play a group of notes on the piano and tell what scale they came from. Now, I am running through a piece and I’ll stumble through a section. “play that first chord Mark, and name it.” “G# Major 7?” I ask uncertain. “Yes.” “So the G# Major scale is . . .” “Actually, there is no G# Major scale, it’s used for chords, but you write music in A Flat Major.” “Oooooh.” I feel like a little boy again. I get giddy with excitement when I start to see a composer’s patterns. I get even more giddy when I realize how I can apply it to my own music. That little boy desire to tear things apart and build again is realized. I get to ear music apart and piece it back together.
This destructive and constructive phase been coming together for years. Now, things start to fall in line and I can write music. Baby and Piano are extra appendages for building the music. And when I throw my voice on top, even if not the greatest, then I can add an extra layer of music, and of words. Words and music are two of the most powerful influences I know. The feelings they create are quite evident. Music and words can bring the Holy Ghost into a church meeting. They create National pride when large groups of people sing the National anthem together in unison. Music and words are vital to everything we are. They are vital to me.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 181st Edition

2010-04-06T01:17:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
181st Edition
April 6, 2010
12:17 AM

I thought I would take a few minutes to respond to the requests of Taryn and Amy and give an update on my life. I’ve started writing again and again, and then I get tired and go to sleep and don’t come back to writing. Or I just write in my journal instead of sending all my thoughts out through the virtual world to your reality.

My life looks like this:
School, Work, Play Practice, Church, Friends, Dating

School
This will be the completion of my third full semester at BYU. I attended Spring Term last year and will do so again, leaving my summer term open to recover for a month or so before I jump into the next Fall Semester.
Highlights of this year in school have been doing a TMA 101 class in which I wrote a play that was performed in front of our class. In January, I got into the English teaching program. During my free time on Campus I tend to live in the library in the Maps section on the Second Floor. Some classes that I have really enjoyed are my Book of Mormon class, Psychology 111 (Intro to Psychology), TMA 101 (Intro to Theater), and English 292 (British Literature). I have not been a fan of my Biology class, but I’ve almost completed my Science Credits.

Work
I still work for BYU Catering. Which I really enjoy doing. I work as a Captain leading out events by instructing other workers how to set up and serve. I’ve always enjoyed the food business. When I was little I wanted to own a restaurant. I don’t want to now, but I love serving people food. I love the variety in this job. Every event is different and I get to meet new people all the time. During the football season Catering kept me for 12-13 hours on Saturdays to drive trucks delivering food and supplies to different food stations around the football stadium. I enjoy the people I work with and like being able to start and complete something each time I work.

Play Practice
I’m just going to say at this point Theater is my obsession. I watch at least one play a week (luckily it’s a free student production) and about a third of the time I see two plays in a week. If I don’t go to a play I attend International Cinema, Divine Comedy( a comedy sketch group on Campus), and LOL (the improv comedy group on campus). Besides having my play produced by my group in TMA 101, I got to be part of a Student Production “I Love Lysistrada” at the beginning of the Winter Semester. Currently, I am in a main stage production called “Mysteries of Monster Grove” that will be playing May 26- June 12. The play is actually based on the concept of a children’s book author who works at BYU. We’ve been writing the play together as a cast. I am cast as Dad, an accountant who has come to monster grove to solve all the money problems. I am also writing a significant portion of the music for the performance on Piano. I love being a part of this project.
Three or Four days ago I was laying around and realized that I am in love. No, not with a girl. I’m in love with theater. I’m going to take a playwriting class in the fall and an acting class in the Spring. One of my life ambitions has become more firmly that I will write a musical.
Besides acting and drama fun on campus, I’ve done a number of little performances with some friends in my ward. My friend Sam and I performed a Mormonized version of Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s On First” skit called “Who’s in the RSP”. We also did a Monty Python skit called “The Four Yorkshiremen”. And now Sam and I are writing the BYU 194th Ward Year in Review – a comedy skit to perform before everyone leaves for the summer. These are the things I love.

Church
Keeps me busy as always. I continue to grow and learn about the Gospel. I keep learning and trying to understand life. Everyday I learn new things and I am more and more greatful for the Spirit and the Atonement. I still enjoy pondering over Gospel topics and their application. I am not as black and white as I was in my youth. And I think I am more of a realist than an idealist. I consider these to be advances that come with a greater understanding of the gospel. I also find that they have benefited the way I interact with and understand people. I continue to strive everyday to know what the Lord wants me to do. I try and listen for the Spirit and act on it. I still feel I have a long way to go in learning charity, humility, and obedience. . .but I’ve become much more appreciative of Christ’s sacrifice and how it gives me strength to become better, and to not feel guilty for every little thing I do wrong.

Friends
I continue to struggle to understand what it means to have a friendship. When I work on forming my friendships I often feel selfish. I feel like I’m not as good at listening to people. I don’t feel like I’m very good at building trust in individuals. And I even find that I have problems letting myself get close to people. Don’t get me wrong. I have LOTS of friends. And I enjoy them. But, I don’t have many very deep relationships. I’ve kind of accepted that. In fact, I’m excited because my friend Sam and I are going to be roommates for the spring summer in one complex and in the fall we are moving to another one . ..which means in the next four months I’ll meet a lot more people. . .which I like. It’s just different than what I really want. Which segues into . .

Dating
When it comes down to it, I think my favorite quote about dating is still one that hung in Amy’s apartment from one of her old roommates “Dating is like communism, it’s a good idea, but the practical application sucks.” It makes me laugh every time I think of it. I’ve struggled to figure anything about dating out. Sam and Phil like to tease me about my dating life. Who is the new girl this week Mark?(Phil) A date for this week, no, Mark has twelve lined up. (Sam) They tease me about it. I really haven’t dated that much. Because I was thinking about it and trying to figure out what I know about dating, I worked to recall every girl I’ve been on a date with. Since turning 16 I could come up with names for about 35 different girls. About 22 of those dates have been since coming to BYU. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. I date more than most guys I know. But that’s the only way one can figure out. I think my biggest issue is that this is the one thing that I’ve cared about more than almost anything since I was 11 or 12 years old. It’s a perfectionist issue, I have to get it right as I can or something. Every date I go on I learn a little bit something more. I try as hard as I can to make the date good and comfortable and safe for whoever I am out with. I can’t think of a date I haven’t enjoyed. That makes it hard to figure out what I want. Even when I try things out, I still come off confused.
For now I’ll have to keep praying, going out on dates, and trying my best to serve the girls I go on dates with.

Well, that’s all for now folks. I need sleep.
The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 180th Edition

2010-01-07T01:18:00.000-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
180th Edition
Thursday, January 7, 2010
12:18 AM

*Note: My address book seems to pick up email addresses that I don’t ask it to. . .but I don’t know on what pretext it does so. If you feel you have erroneously received the DHT feel free to request your name removed. I will proceed to discover that you are on my list and then remove you as requested. :)

The nature of the DHT has change over the course of the years that I have been writing. From the early days as a ploy to see emails appear in my inbox, to an emotional and thinking outlet for my high school years, and now I think my vision has changed. I still see the DHT as an outlet, especially for what I am thinking. I have become aware, that the DHT when published on a frequent basis, allows me to better sort and organize thoughts logically. As well as improving my writing skills. While these are selfish motives, I recognize that writing can and has had a powerful influence in the course and direction of our world. Speeches, letters, news articles, and many other forms of writing have drastically shaped the course of human events. In desiring to be a teacher, I would hope to be able to express ideas to students that will change the course of their lives and educations for the better. I made a goal, no matter how short, that I would try and write more frequently. And so, today I want to share a number of quotes that I have come to appreciate from the Word a Day emails, classes, and other sources:

It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe. -Thomas Paine, philosopher and writer (1737-1809)

Naive you are / if you believe / life favours those / who aren't naive. -Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

“If we start right, it is very easy for us to go right all the time; but if we start wrong, we may go wrong, and it is a hard matter to get right.”- Joseph Smith

“A true principle makes decisions clear even under the most confusing and compelling circumstances.”- Elder Richard G. Scott- Marriage and Family Life class

“How a principle would best apply to one partner might not be the best application of that principles for the other partner.”- Professor Ken Mattheson- from powerpoint in Marriage and Family Life Class

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”- Martin Luther King Jr.- I have a dream speech
(Editorial Comment: I have to wander whether we still value as a society the importance of judging one by their character. If we judged people by the content of their character would we have such corrupt politics? Why do we vote people into office without virtue? The founders believed the people would select those whom are most virtuous. One may ask whether there are virtuous leaders to vote for.)

“ . . .an attitude stems from a tragic misconception of time, from the strangely irrational notion that there is something in the very flow of time that will inevitably cure all ills. Actually, time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right.”- Martin Luther King Jr. - Letter from Brimingham Jail

Our government doesn’t work anymore, or perhaps more accurately, when it does, it works for special interests and not the American people. Washington consistently stoops to legislate 10,000-page perversions of healthcare, regulatory reform, defense, and budgetary mandates overflowing with earmarks that serve a monied minority as opposed to an all-too-silent majority. You don’t have to be Don Quixote to believe that legislators – and Presidents – often do not work for the benefit of their constituents: A recent NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll reported that over 65% of Americans trust their government to do the right thing “only some of the time” and a stunning 19% said “never.” What most politicians apparently are working for is to perpetuate their power – first via district gerrymandering, and then second by around-the-clock campaigning financed by special interest groups. - Bill Gross “Let’s Get Fisical” fromt the PIMCO Website
http://www.pimco.com/LeftNav/Featured+Market+Commentary/IO/2010/Let%E2%80%99s+Get+Fisical+January+2010.htm

“It is impossible to overestimate the unimportance of most things”- source unknown, quoted to us by our home teacher Brother Steve Smith as a quote he keeps in his office as a professor at the U of I.

That’s all for now folks :)

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honk Tonk 179th Edition

2009-12-30T23:59:00.001-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
179th Edition
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
10:53PM

Last DHT: September 16, 2009 = 3 Months of Life
What’s Changed: A lot of everything :)
Things I’m going to write about in this Edition
Politics: Why Obama and I aren’t Friends
Some specially wrapped memories

Why Obama and I aren’t Friends (besides the fact that we have never met)

When Obama was put in office around a year ago I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to think. I didn’t vote for him (but I wasn’t all that impressed with the person I did vote for) . . . But seeing as he was in office I didn’t what to make too quick of a judgment. I wrote about my frustration with the political system and the difficulty in discerning what was real and fake. I decided to sit back and watch to decide what I thought of Obama. I decided to continually read the news and keep myself updated on what was going on in the world. After a year of President Obama I can definitely say I’m not a fan. Here are my reasons:
-The gargantuan increase of National Debt that causes me to wander when money will lose its value and when the economy will fall apart.
-The appearance of Obama in every part of the news. Obama has appeared in the news more than any President I can remember. I find myself weary to read an article unrelated to Obama that mentions that he is aware of what is going on. Hmmm . . .
-The previous comment tied with extra presence everywhere: Obama went to the World Climate Gathering, he went to make a bid for Chicago in front of the Olympic committee, and he won a Nobel Peace Prize without doing anything other than increasing that American Taxpayers will have to make up to be paid (partly) to those who don’t believe nor practice the principles of self-reliance.
-Finally, the thing that bugs me the most is the way that the laws are being passed. I commented on my discomfort with the Stimulus package flying through congress without people being able to read it. . .but it seems to be a pattern. The most recent Health Care Reform vote in the Senate was ridiculous. States were bribed with individual rewards to cast in their vote to finally get the required sixty votes. The Senate has a part to blame here, but Obama was pushing it and I read headlines announcing his disappointment that it wasn’t just flying through so the changes could start. I think its ridiculous that a bill can get passed on bribes, without the bill being available to be read and studied out. I wouldn’t feel so bad about it if people had seen it and been able to make a decision based on what was contained and how they thought it would effect American citizens. But a bill that is passed by making deals in front of everybody to give favor to a state whose vote they want it disgusting. I suspect the Founders of this nation are turning in their graves.

On a lighter note, a funny look at all the goings on this year was written by Dave Barry. Caleb and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it out loud and laughing at Barry’s quirky reminders of what all has happened. . .you can read the article here http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave-barry/story/1397654.html

To the Memory of Christmas

A Summary of The Semester, Break, and Life:

As of today Amy Bucey is Mrs. Amy Knowlton. This past semester has certainly been one of tying the knot. I’ve never had so many engaged and recently married friends. Chelsea, Laura, and Amy are married now. Three young women who changed and influenced my life in so many ways. I was glad that I had the opportunity to know all of their spouses and I feel confident that they are in good hands. I’m not sure what I would have done if I didn’t like the boys they chose, but I am filled with joy knowing they are well married . . After all they deserve the best.
Jonathan Brewster lived with me this semester .. .oh this semester will be memorable just through Jonathan- The Ever Running Skype relationship between him and his girlfriend, the all-nighters once or twice a week, and I am now a certified PHD on ADHD :)
Catering Life has consumed me. I love my job. Wait .. .let me rephrase that .. I really love my job.
In related news I am dating a girl who is amazing.
And as for being home:
- Wii Games (MarioKart, Super Smash Brothers, and Skiing)
- Nerf Gun Battles
- Dinner Conversations
- Snow Ball Fights
- Sledding
- Early Morning Indoor Soccer
- Finishing a Dental Implant . . Say goodbye to the flipper (which by the way made for exciting first dates before having a girlfriend :) )
- Christmas Eve Soup Dinner
- Watching my siblings on Christmas Morning (Most Original gift was definitely from Nathan (13) who gave me an old wallet prefilled with 3 dollar bills and a fourth in coins :) )
- Recording music with my new nifty microphone
- Reading books for fun! - Peter and the Starcatchers, Catching Fire (2nd Hunger Games book), and 3 Cups of Tea
- Being productive by working to finish my independent study.
- Watching my 3 year old sister enjoy and dance in her new ballet tutu’s.
- Having time to write this DHT :)
- Just wanting to eat my family up in case they decide to take off on a few month world tour :)
- And enjoying listening to all they read about touring the world (this returns to dinner conversations)

Speaking of dinner conversations and closing so I can go to sleep tonight something funny happened at dinner. My mom was talking about a book she was reading written by a peace worker who went to Africa. In the book it talked about how the women would prepare and cook all the food and then the men would come and eat what they wanted. Whatever was left would then be divided between women and children, which apparently wasn’t usually very much. We were talking about how different that would be and how we were glad that wasn’t part of our society. Gideon declared that if he lived there he would divide the food among everyone fairly and he would eat last. Nathan, said that he wouldn’t allow his wife to eat first. He said if he let her eat first she would then get on a throne and start whipping telling him to get her food, to do this and to do that. Nathan is hilarious.

Goodnight friends,
The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 178th Edition

2009-09-16T14:19:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
178th Edition
September 16, 2009
1:20 PM

Table of Contents
Intro
Different ways of ending notes
On the subject of rape
Ugly to Beauty Gap

Song Lyrics

I took a stress test for my independent study course on health recently and got a score of 624. The computer generated response underneath my score: “Almost 80 percent [of people] with this score get sick in the near future.” I’m lucky that I almost never get sick. I also have know for the last couple days that I just need to throw down my thoughts on paper and send it out into the vast enormity of that shared space we call the web. I’ve never figured out why telling people these things is more therapeutic than just writing in my journal. If someone knows a study about that I would be interested to read it. I would be interested if I could do whatever transfer of emotion through the DHT in a journal written to myself instead. Anyway, I just wrote about things I’ve been thinking about. Enjoy.

“Words form the thread on which we string our experience”- Alduous Huxley- Author

Different ways of ending notes,

“Love, so and so” “Your Friend” “Yours Truly” “Thanks”
Love is pretty clear . ..you use that for your parents, family, and usually for a person you are dating. But sometimes you also use it for a really close friend. When not used consistently, it becomes quite confusing as to how the person feels.
“Your Friend” seems like it should be really basic as well. But don’t we use “Your friend” to those we are interested in before we are ready to tell them directly that we are interested. . .and while it might not say more to them, as an individual we hope they will read between the letters of friend. And sometimes we use it as a polite gesture to people we don’t even know and who wouldn’t appear on our life list of friends.
“Yours Truly” is in my opinion the most ridiculous. What does that mean? I’m yours, for real, as well as everyone elses who I finish in the same way. I can’t be just yours, and not even truly yours. What kind of privileges does that entitle to the reader from the sender. Can they rely on you? Can they trust you? And how are is one “truly” somebody elses. Aren’t we just somebody’s and not even truly then because we are somebody to many other somebodies.

On the Subject of Rape

Recently I was reading from my Physical Health Independent Study Course and I read these statistics:
Victims would be 97 percent more willing to report the rape if there were laws protecting confidentiality and disclosure of the rape victim's name.
Source: National Victim Center
Sixty-six percent of rape victims are concerned about being blamed by others.
Source: National Woman's Study
Now, I am writing about this for the moment because I don’t know if these statistics are still true. The course was designed in the 90s and I assume they would update it. . .but it caught my attention. Why would they not have laws protecting confidentiality? That doesn’t make any sense to me. In fact, it really frustrates me. I’ve had people confide in me about being raped and to think that there isn’t a law protecting them makes me very frustrated. It’s something I think worth changing. But I would like to know where I could read the laws on the topic. I tried to find a place where I could read up on the laws and was having trouble. Maybe I should go to the law school and see if they can help me. Anyway, if it is true that they aren’t protected I want to do something about it.
As a funny note, the other day I was voicing my concerns with a girl about what I read and I accidentally started the conversation saying... “I’ve been thinking about rape recently”.

Ugly to Beauty Gap

I was with Amy the other day when she brought up an interesting concept- the Ugly to Beauty Gap. The Ugly to Beautiful Gap is the measurement of the difference between a person just getting out of bed or coming home from a run and getting ready for a date. Amy noted that some people have a really big gap and some don’t have much potential to change between the two.
We talked about how if you a big gap you have the advantage of being able to stun your date. While if your gap is really small it’s going to make little difference if you spend 20 minutes or an hour preparing for your date.
Amy posed the question to me and a friend “What would you prefer; to wake up next to a pretty girl, or to have a girl who turns heads like a movie star when you take her in public.” If I’m talking to Amy the right answer is the girl who turns your head when she get’s dressed up. If I’m not talking to Amy and I’m supposed to give the answer I actually think then I want a girl who I will always think is pretty. I think I lean towards my dad’s preference. I’m not big on makeup or extra fluff, I’d rather see someone as they really are and be attracted to that. Amy was mad because she is determined that her gap is big. I would give her the assessment that she gave me “You have a medium sized gap.” She disagreed and said I hadn’t seen her at the lowest. I reminded her of a couple instances where I saw her when she was sick or had just waken up.
I’ve been reflecting to see if their are any good examples of this in our popular media. Princess Diaries is a prime reflection of the Ugly Gap portrayed correctly. Cinderella Story is a failure. ( I apologize to Amy for including a movie with Hillary Duff). In the Princess Diaries the show a huge gap. Granted they had to do a bit to make Anne Hatheway not look pretty, but we definitely as a viewer are not attracted to her. But then there is a huge turn around and the Gap is closed. Although she doesn’t go through that gap day to day. A fallacy for sure. Cinderella Story fails because they never make Hillary look bad. In fact, her character would be a prime example of she’s not much prettier dressed up for the ball than when she is sitting in her room texting in her pjs. Hmmm. . .granted, it’s a film, and we never really see Hillary Duff not dressed up. But I think it illustrates it well. I need to think of a male example. .. Hmmm .. .having trouble. That’s okay. It would probably be worrisome if I could tell you about male attractiveness differences.
Anyway, it was a fun conversation to have and to think about. The Ugly to Pretty Gap is going into my conversational concepts file with “Wingmans and The D.U.F.F.”, “Awkward Dating Stories”, and “Things you probably shouldn’t tell a girl” :)

Song Lyrics

Title Unknown- Nick Day- “Just because I wanted to I tripped and fell in love with you” Love is a choice.
Hot Air Balloon- Owl City: “We wrote a prelude to our own fairytale”- I love the metaphor here.
For Liz(She)- Parachute “How can the only thing that’s killing me make me feel so alive.” The up’s and downs of dating life anyone? Ha ha. . .I love how the piano is the driving force in this song.
Let’s Go- Cartel “Let’s go; take the world with me”- I do love a good song that reminds people have the power to make change and we can in a sense “take the world”.
Life is a Highway- Rascall Flats: “Life is a Highway, I wanna ride it all night long”- this whole song is about enjoying life and just living it and loving it. I know it isn’t new. .. But I fell in love with it recently.
Both Sides Now- Mindy Gledhill- “Rose and flows of angel hair, and Ice cream castles in the air and feather canyons everywhere, I’ve looked at clouds that way. But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone, so many things I would have done but clouds got in my way. I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down , and still somehow it’s cloud illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds at all.”
“I’ve looked at love from both sides now, from give and take, and still somehow it’s loves illusions I recall, I really don’t know love at all”- I include the lyrics because they take me to the edge of my imagination and because they speak towards the truth of being able to see opposition in all things, whether it be clouds or love and how in general I would still choose the illusions. . .and maybe not so much as illusions, but what I think of as realistic hope. I try and avoid the idealistic hope I used to preach. . .that only takes a person to extremes.

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honk Tonk 177th Edition

2009-08-26T22:07:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
177th Edition
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
9:05 PM

This edition I’m just going to title Mark’s Minutes- because they are all just short little random bits.

Written Tonight
Chelsea’s Wedding: There is a stigma as a member of the church that when people go to BYU they get married rather quickly. I remember being sure that I would return and several of my good friends would be married. However, they weren’t married when I got home. However, now having been home nearly a year that statistic is changing. Yesterday, I got to attend Chelsea’s wedding (going out to lunch with Laura, Katie, and Jon, I made the connection afterwards with the fact that she is the youngest). I’ve never had the opportunity to attend a Sealing (the ceremony of marriage in the Temple that allows couples to be together forever). The Spirit and joy in the Temple was overwhelming. I felt so incredibly happy. It made me want to get married!!! (In due time of course). A couple things stuck out that the Sealer said to Chelsea and Justin to me. He reminded them that they have very different talents and that they are to build on them and never compete through them. Then he talked about the Holy Spirit of Promise. His words struck me a lot. I remember while I was studying in the scriptures, I discovered not long before leaving for California about the Holy Spirit of Promise and the important role the Spirit plays in confirmation of individual events and things. The Holy Spirit of Promise comes up when we talk about marriages, baptisms, and other similar ordinances. The Holy Spirit of Promise is what confirms that those actions are recognized and effective in the eyes of God. The Sealer talked about the importance of looking for the Spirit of Promise confirming little things. It made me think about the little instances in which the Holy Spirit of Promise comes in and blesses our lives. As a missionary, there would be times when the Spirit would fall upon me and tell me that my offering was acceptable before the Lord and that I was doing what he wanted. In friendships and relationships with others, I’ve noticed that the Spirit will come into a conversation for several purposes. Sometimes I’ve noticed that the feeling is one that is an increased love and understanding that helps us build relationships. Sometimes, it confirms that the conversation is something you or the other person needed to hear. And sometimes the Spirit comes not in talking but in the way you treat each other (the Sealer mentioned that to Chelsea and Justin).

She Is Love- by Parachute
** This is a recently discovered song that I really like. It’s interesting because this song could be interpreted to be about a girl or it could be a general description of the power of love.

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

Chorus

And when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love. love.

Chorus

Written at the beginning of last week
My brother sent me an email to inform me about a change in his email address. He mentioned that he felt that his old address was juvenile. It kind of made me laugh because I really liked his email address. But then I started to think about moments with my email address. With people I don’t know, I usually don’t get much of a reaction. You know, when some business or school person asks for your email, they hear so many unique ones that they don’t really bother to ask, and they don’t usually show any emotion about it. But sometimes I’m nervous when I catch a look or I can tell they want to ask. Then when friends or new acquaintances ask about it there is always a chuckle when I say Honky Tonk and then an “oh, that’s actually really cool” when I explain what it is. Just a funny little thought pattern I wanted to record.

I saw a blog where a friend said in a list of things she can do that she can “Fall in love”. I haven’t thought about the agency involved in falling in love in quite a while. Can I fall in love? Or do I just have too much fear of letting someone that close?

I’ve always believed that I’m not very photogenic. Every once in a while I’ve seen pictures that I thought looked good. But if I’m going to look at myself, I usually feel better in a mirror than in a picture. I was looking through the pictures that are posted of me on Facebook and I was reminded of a comment a friend made after she met me. She said “The pictures I saw of you before I met you don’t really do you justice” or something to that effect. . .whatever she said it translated to “Wow, pictures of you don’t turn out well, I’m glad you look better than that.” It made me laugh because she’s a friend who is very honest and direct and doesn’t bury her comments in mush and it made me feel better that at least one other person recognizes that when I take pictures they don’t turn out very well.

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 176th Edition

2009-08-17T12:27:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
176th Edition
Monday, August 17, 2009
11:30 AM

Table of Contents:
On Friendships
Mexico!

On Friendships

Going home after our trip to Mexico was one of the best things I have done this summer. On the drive back home from the Bloomington airport in the Honda Accord the I drove back in highschool, I felt more homesick than I ever have in my life. I don’t really get homesick, not for the two years on my mission and not really while I’m even out at school. But driving home, I became more sick for home than ever. I didn’t even desire as much to hook up with friends, as I just wanted to be at home and with my family. Okay, so this is kind of a weird way to start off an essay about friendships, but it will relate.
Over the past couple months, I’ve been pondering what it means to be a friend. While I still have a few friends who I consider my best friends, in reality, the relation we share is not the type we shared in high school. Several of us live hours away from each other, two are getting married, school and work keep us busy, for two of my friends I hope they wake up from their slumbers, and the lives we lead don’t just don’t intersect like that they did in high school. It’s not bad, it’s just different.
To add another factor to this equation, in coming to college I meet hundreds of new people, in classes, in my ward and apartment complex, and through meeting people here through friends from back home. One of the girls was teasing me and being serious when she said I would be a good person to know just to get to network people. And after dating a girl, I started to wonder if I still know how to build real solid friendships, or just unlimited amounts of relationships of trust. People trust me far quicker and to greater degrees than I trust them on a regular basis; or at least by my perceptions of things they do.
Finally, I’ve recognized that, in relationships other than dating relationships, most people aren’t strictly looking for best friends. Our lives, that of students, are rather transient; there is little that is constant and after leaving high school, I think people realize that everything they know will disappear in again in a few years. This cannot obviously be said for everyone- there are people who have friends from college that last for years. I don’t think right now that this is a bad thing- it is just different. And for me, after meeting many many new people, I’ve realized that I do want friendships that are more constant. Tying it back to home, I think being there helped me to see the constancy that I really enjoy in my relationships there.
Yesterday, I taught the Elder Quorum lesson out of the Joseph Smith manual during the third hour of church. In a very real way, I knew the Lord had allowed me to be in a position to study and teach that lesson for the benefit of myself. In learning about Joseph Smith, it’s obvious from the accounts of others that whether he spent lots of time with a person or little time they felt like he was really a true friend and that he care about the individual. It also became evident to me that we typically define people we know into a couple categories; family, best friends, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. I decided that the main difference between best friends, friends, and acquaintances is the amount of time that we devote to the individual and the amount of trust we build. Yet, one of the points of the lessons was that we needed to be true friends with everyone, especially in our Ward Family setting. If it was true that time was the major requirement for being a friend with someone in a ward with two hundred people, you couldn’t devote even an hour a week to all those individuals, there are only 168 hours in a week. Subtract sleeping, school and work, and you have much less time and more people that you interact with that should be your true friends. So, back to Joseph Smith. He clearly didn’t devote lots of time to everyone he met, but other felt that in the little contact they had that he was a friend. More importantly, I noticed in the comments from his journal how much he valued friends and how much a strength they were to him. In teaching the lesson, my thoughts were led to Christ. In the scriptures, Christ went amongst many people. And even if his ministry was somewhat limited, it was still a lot of people. In the instances where he allowed all the children to come to him, or where he administered to all the sick and afflicted, it’s obvious that he wouldn’t have had a lot of time to spend with each individual. Yet, they loved Him and they felt His love and testify to us from thousands of years before that He is the Savior and is our Redeemer and they must have felt that he was a true friend.
Bring this forward two thousand years to a college student who has been praying about friendships and how to properly build relationships with people. A couple of impressions have struck me. Although certainly there is value in the time spent with people and the trust we build in each other, it isn’t strictly a requirement for friendship. How you feel towards an individual, the love you have towards them is more important. In that sense, perhaps, acquaintances can be called friends. In some cases, I was devaluing my ability to make friends because I know so many people, but have built very few best friendships. My feeling is that while I want that, it isn’t strictly necessary and that I don’t have to devalue a friendship because there isn’t as much devoted to it. People that I feel are real friends are real friends despite the lack of time we share.
I began to think of more practical examples of people who are true friends to everyone they come in contact with. Youth leaders, my favorite teachers, and a few close friends came to mind. There are individuals I know that radiate friendship from somewhere deep within. It is deep, but it glows. Two friends who may have seen an overweight, awkward kid at the end of his freshman year, but saw a friend as well. Teachers that I knew cared about every student. Teaching wasn’t their job, it was the way they carried themselves and its what inspires me to want to be a teacher. Their students learned more because their teacher was a friend even if they weren’t going to be hanging out Friday night. And it’s the way I see my parents welcome people into our home. And it is the characteristic that led me most to my best friends in high school. In these individuals, friendship radiates to every person they meet whether they will spend ten minutes with the person or a life time. I’ve come to realize that this is one of the most attractive personality traits to me personally and the extreme opposite is one of my biggest pet peeves.
But what about the best friends issue? I still wanted to know what made a best friend. Joseph Smith said: “These I have met in prosperity, and they were my friends; and I now meet them in adversity, and they are still my warmer friends. These love the God that I serve; they love the truths that I promulgate; they love those virtuous, and those holy doctrines that I cherish in my bosom with the warmest feelings of my heart and with that zeal which cannot be denied. . . . To them I have proved faithful- to them I am determined to prove faithful, until God calls me to resign up my breath.” And that definition seems good enough for me. My best friends radiate faith and love. Most importantly that faith and faithfulness, not being to me, but to the God that I love and that I serve. In putting Him first, they become the best type of friend one can have and the love I feel from them perhaps is as one popular LDS songs goes a “window to His love”.

Mexico!

I’ve never had that bug, you know, the one where people are just itching to get out of the country and discover all the cool travel destinations everyone has seen in the media or read about in a book. I never had the traveling bug- and then I went to Mexico.
We spent ten days as a family as international travelers. The following is my list of what I considered my top items.

1) We stayed the first couple days in a Bed and Breakfast in Valladolid run by an American who lives down there. La Casa de Hamacas offers its visitors beds and also hammocks to sleep in as well as excellent food made by locals that the owner has hired. Dennis, the owner, is one of the nicest guys I’ve met and is knowledgeable about how to make the most of one’s experience in that area of the country.. Our family recommends this place to anyone and everyone. Dennis is very service oriented and was more than happy to provide us with opportunities to serve in the area. One of the highlights of the trip was visiting local Mayan villages with a translator who spoke Mayan (I translated back into English for my family) and delivering food and necessities to many families. We were humbled by the circumstances and appreciated the opportunity to see what we really take for granted.

2) We visited four different Mayan ruins. Chichen Itza, Ek Balam, Tulum, and Coba. I love the Mayan ruins. I am hoping in the next life that we will have a way in which we can visit/watch past civilizations and see what they were like. Our family favorite ruins were Ek Balam for a couple reasons. At Tulum and Chichen Itza you can’t walk around on the ruins. Coba, you can, but it is a little more spread about and very easily accessible to tourists for it’s proximity to Cancun. We really did like all of them, but Ek Balam was quite stunning and we loved one of the murals that was more intact than others. Another highlight of the ruins were that in Chichen Itza you can clap in front of the main pyramid and it will produce a sound that sounds like a bird call. This is due to the placement of the buildings that they built and how the sound waves bounce. It is way cool. And also there is shadow created once a year on the pyramid that looks like a snake crawling down the pyramid. They Mayans were genius. In Tulum, the buildings are placed so that the sun will shine through tiny windows depending on the months of the year, so that they could use their buildings as a calendar.

3)We enjoyed visiting Cenotes, underground water holes that are varied and beautiful. Are favorite was one where you could jump off a ledge from about twenty feet above the water.

4)In no particular order, we “love” how the road systems work and where often the lanes aren’t marked with lines, so a road might be two, four, or three and a half lanes. We really did love sampling various foods and fresh juices made by the locals. We discovered that in Mexico a waste basket is literally a waste basket, no toilet paper is flushed down their toilets. We discovered that Europeans believe in going topless on any beach they find. We were glad to know that we should always drink bottled water and even Addie, the three year old reminded us not to drink the water. We loved watching the storms come in over the ocean while we stayed at a beach house and I enjoyed speaking the language. We went snorkeling and few of us went on a turtle walk late at night and got to help baby sea turtles make their way to the ocean and watch a turtle land and build her nest and lay eggs and then leave (a two to three hour process!). We enjoyed going to a place called Hidden Worlds Cenote Park where you can ride ziplines (one that splashes into the water as well as ride a skycycle, which is a suspend bike which allows you to pedal on a wire to travel above the jungle and to enjoy the sights around you.

The best part by far was just being with the family. Spending time together and discovering a culture and a people that were new and different. I loved it. After the Mayan ruins, I definitely find myself wanting to explore all the ancient cultures and past cultures. That little traveling bug awoke inside me.

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 175th Edition

2009-05-29T17:42:00.000-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
175th Edition
May 29, 2009
4:42 PM
I’m taking a creative writing class in which I am supposed to write for 50 minutes a day 5 days a week. I’ve been enjoying that class a lot. One of the neat things is that for my homework, I can write a DHT. And so that is what I am trying to accomplish this morning. I was trying to write poetry, because that is the unit we are in, but I found myself too tired from going and watching the first showing of Pixar’s new movie “Up” last night.
The DHT doesn’t demand as much thinking time as does the poetry. Trying to think deep was making me sleepy! So here goes nothing.

On Right Wing Conservatives and Left Wing Liberals
Politics is one of those topics that I sometimes prefer to ignore, but don’t because I believe it is important to know what is going on. However, the contention and corruption that exists in the system, are factors that don’t please me. Granted, I’m not sure how much of that isn’t media hype and high emotions running outside of politicians. There has been for quite some time a mistrust of government. Corrupt government is a central part of many popular books, movies, and everyone enjoys talking about a scandal. I would be naïve to say there is no corruption, but I often wonder if it’s as much as everyone thinks or if because everyone thinks there is a lot, that politicians accept it as fact and go towards corruption.
When people ask me if I’m Democrat or Republican, I usually respond something similar to “Well, I guess I would generally lean more towards republican because of many conservative values, but I wouldn’t say I would never vote democrat. The morals of the candidate are very important.” One of the things that frustrates me in party politics is that it polarizes issues where I think we should be meeting somewhere in the middle. I would be most likely to vote for a candidate who tried to take what was good from both sides of the spectrum. However, we don’t really have that.
Candidates often seem to take the extremes of their parties platform- that is only generally speaking. On reflection, I’ve come to discover why that is. If we could lump everyone into three parties when it comes to politics, I would lump people into groups of Right Wing Conservative, Left Wing Liberals, and the Middle-grounders. The middle-grounders would actually be the largest group, they might hold some fairly strong opinions slanting in one direction or the other, but in general they don’t go for the extremes. The extreme end of Conservatives and Liberals would be groups that have large followings, but neither nearly as big as the middle-grounders. If this is in fact the case, why are things not more balanced? Well, it comes down to who actually cares. Middle-grounders accept things as they are, they try and look at things evenly. When it comes down to it they know there are fallacies in both major parties. They will vote for whichever fits more of their personal opinions, but they recognize there could be more agreement in the middle. Since there isn’t, and both sides contain some good things and some bad, they are content not to do anything. Extremists Left and Right polarize the issue in a very black and white way. They can rarely see the strengths of the other party’s argument. Suddenly, it is not an issue of merely voting, but rather a conquest not unlike the Holy Wars of the Middle Ages. Thank goodness they don’t try and resolve these issues by bloodshed. For liberal extremists, you have to make everyone be open minded . ..bending to the strengths of conservative values, would be putting ‘open mindedness” which would indeed be a crime, because that would be giving extreme conservatives some amount of rightness. As an extreme conservative, traditional values are threatened by the evil liberals. It doesn’t matter if a liberal has a good point because giving just a little would be giving liberals the open mindedness that they want and then they would think the conservatives agreed on that point. The emotions run so high and it becomes polarized. Their expressions become loud and very emotionally loaded, causing the opposing side to need to respond emotionally, causing both sides to polarize even more “We must be right because they are getting so upset about it, they wouldn’t get upset if they really believed they were right”. In the meantime, I just kind of think its all dumb.
Yet, as a Middle-grounder, how does one make a stand. If the middle-ground were to bring forth a significant voice, would something change? Or does one have to polarize something before anybody will notice it and talk about it? These are all questions that I haven’t come to an answer about. But, again, I’m a middle-grounder, its not so important. What can a President really do? They can’t write down laws and just make them happen, they have to go through a government. A Presidential campaign is not unlike a Student Council President, making promises that sound good, but aren’t feasible once you sit in office. No, students, your president will not be getting you another day off or new vending machines, its not in power. A U.S. President is not very different.

Movie Review- Pixar’s “Up”
I am constantly amazed that Pixar is able to steadily produce great film after great film. They not only amaze us showing off what their animation teams can do, but also by rich stories that are fun, entertaining, and meaningful. Pixar’s creative group is really just a group of excellent storytellers.
“Up” contains a very rich story. You kind of get the gist of the story from the previews. Old man, who wants to travel and adventure, causes his house to float by thousands of balloons and gets stuck with an annoying little kid. While the previews were hilarious and I did find much of the film to be quite funny, there are very serious overtones in this film. A couple times I found myself almost crying. Topics like death, the loneliness of old age, the profundity of loss, and the importance of faith to a promise were all serious themes that were explored in the rich story. One of my favorite parts about watching the movie was that it made me feel at different points that I was a kid again. As a little child one’s imagination soars free and the world is a place of adventure and excitement waiting to be discovered. “Up” successfully embodied that sense of wonder and amazement. All I’m really trying to say is that I highly recommend this movie.
The only thing I was disappointed about was that in the previews they announced Toy Story 3. . .I mean, really, that’s great news . . .but it’s not coming out till June 18, 2010.

Star Trek
Okay, so while I’m on movie reviews I should probably comment on Star Trek. That is another movie that is very much worth seeing. I think the thing that makes it such a good movie, is that it has such a talented cast, and a great script with great character development. Besides all that it is a good story and it’s settings and graphics are visually impressive and stimulating as well. The best description I could give of this movie is to compare it to the new Wolverine: X-Men Origins movie. Wolverine was entertaining, it had action, a decent story, and the graphics were pretty well done. However, after watching Star Trek, Wolverine seems like a half done project. I can’t pinpoint what makes the two movies different in their value, but I can describe what the difference feels like. Star Trek seems like it is a completed project, kind of like “Up”. It was a very well thought out production. Each scene has meaning and was a project that everyone gave their whole too. It is the difference between a C project and an A+ Project. Star Trek screams I’m A+ material, this film took some serious work.

Song Lyrics to close
“Under Control” by Parachute
“Because I’ve kept my heart under control,
But baby, all this time its taken its toll
Said I tried to but I can not back what’s deep in my soul”
*Everytime I include lyrics in the DHT, when I got to look at them, I am surprised how much meaning is lost without the music behind the words. It’s rather startling.

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 174th Edition

2009-05-27T17:13:00.001-05:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
174th Edition
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
4:12 PM
Somehow waking up from a dream where two people close to me died, and then finding out in reality that one of my friends is engaged screamed to me for a DHT. I’m almost amazed that I’m taking time to do this. For the spring term I’m taking a Creative Writing Class, Fundamentals of Literary Criticism, and a Spanish Writing Class. . . Which pretty much equates to a LOT of writing. I’m really enjoying it, but sometimes it seems like reading and writing are all I do.
Okay, I can’t really say that is all I do. It’s spring time and I play a lot- tubing down the river, shooting hoops, volleyball, hikes, running, walks, and late night movies. I like how people have play time now since most people are either just working or taking fewer credits. Anyway, let’s officially start this.

Art Therapy
So, I’ve avoided using the DHT as an emotional release since making it home from the mission. Since that was one of the main purposes in high school, I don’t have that need as much anymore. Granted, I still go through episodes, but I am not as quick to want to share them with everyone. I’ve become a big fan of cognitive therapy which focuses in on changing irrational thoughts and were the basis for the crazy papers that my mission president gave me. Still at times, I’ve just wanted to spill my feelings out in words. Playing piano and guitar can be very effective, but I still find writing to be even more effective in releasing emotion. Yesterday I completed my first draft of a very sad story . . . And as I was discovering what the one character’s past was really supposed to be, I almost couldn’t write it .. .but I knew what needed to happen to explain everything else. I was thinking about writers like Earnest Hemingway and wondered if they used writing as therapy; I think there is a good chance.

A Smidgen of Poetry
I am part way through the poetry unit in our class for Fundamentals of Literature and we are start poetry in our Creative Writing Class tomorrow. I have not been fond of poetry in general. If it is to hard to abstract an overly abstract meaning from a poem then I find it frustrating. And while I do get an urge to read a good book, I rarely have the urge to sit down and read a collection of poems. However, I’ve found some poems that I really like and I thought I would share some with you.

**This poem is by my friend Lamora. I know Lamora from the singles ward in Champaign-Urbana. When I learned that she was a writer we started sharing pieces of writing. She gave me permission to share some of her writings with you. For today, I chose this poem.

You Are What You Eat-Lamora Delp

I sit quietly,
my eyes devouring
the night outside
my window.

I am the ration of night herself.
Deep and forgiving
and fleeting.

I am the immortal chocolate oak,
reaching, stretching, clawing
upwards.

I am a sugar crystal of star,
bright, and alone.
Sometimes millions
and millions
of years
away.

I am the sliver of moon.
A white, chewed-off
bit
of fingernail, scratching
the dark.

Epitaph by Timothy Steele
Here lies Sir Tact, a diplomatic fellow
Whose silence was not golden, but just yellow.
**I love how Steele points out the dangers of being tactful to an extreme.

Anonymous Victorian poem without a name
Here’s a little ditty that you really ought to know,
Horses “sweat” and men “perspire,” but ladies only “glow.”

Recital by John Updike

ROGER BOBO GIVES
RECITAL ON TUBA
-Headline in the Times

Eskimos in Manitoba,
Barracuda off Aruba,
Cock an ear when Roger Bobo
Starts to solo on the tuba.
Men of every station – Pooh-Bah,
Nabob, bozo, toff, and habo -
Cry in unison, “Indubi-
Tably, there is simply nobo-

Dy who oompahs on the tubo,
Solo, quite like Roger Bobo.”

**I picked this one for its ability to emphasize meaning and the sound of a tuba through the sounds of each word choice rather than there specific meaning.

I think that is enough writing for today. I enjoyed it for the time being. However, I’ve been sitting in the same spot in the library for the last couple hours and it’s time to move.
The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 173rd Edition

2009-02-20T03:31:00.001-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
173rd Edition
February 20, 2009
2:26 AM
Hello again. How long have you been standing there? Sorry, I didn’t see you.

I got some spare time on my hands and felt like writing. Writing makes me happy. However, the article from this DHT that I’m going to recommend isn’t written by me. It’s called “Love: A Poet’s Nightmare”. Please read it. It’s an awesome piece of writing. I think you’ll enjoy it.

A couple random notes:
I just got into play acting in 4 or 5 different roles! I didn’t think I was going to get to do a play. . .but this is perfect. The play is Bertolt Brecht’s “Mother Courage and Her Children”. I had 3 and 1/2 hours of play practice tonight and loved every minute of it. I’ve missed theater a lot. I love it because it helps me to relax and loosen up as an individual.
I watched “No Reservations” tonight and was very impressed. I love movies about “control freaks” and stories that focus on the individual getting past their controlling natures. Naturally I connect with the control freak and try to get an outside look at myself and how I can handle situations better. I’m not so concerned about removing my control freakishness as I was in the past. . . I’m just concerned about keeping it in check and being able to recognize it and react to it in different ways.
On sleeping. You will notice that this email is coming to you from the early morning. The other evening I laid in by bed from 10-11:30 without my mind racing and I couldn’t fall asleep. I got up and talked to people till I thought I was finally tired enough to sleep. I laid back down around 2 and when I checked my phone a couple minutes before I drifted off it was almost three. . .ergh. Last night I slept 9 hours. . .and tonight, I was alive again and will unfortunately be tired at the time when I need to be awake :(

**Note about the author: Jenika Beck is in the singles ward in Champaign Urbana. Although, seeing as she got engaged on Valentine’s Day, I guess she won’t be there for too much longer. She is a graduate from Yale and she is continuing her education at the U of I. I loved this piece of writing and got her permission to include it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Love: A Poet's Nightmare- Jenika Beck
Friday, February 13, 2009 at 1:25am
Have you ever been in a group discussion and thought of an excellent point, only to have it swiped by someone who was a nanosecond faster at raising their hand than you? Or read something in a book and came up with a really great idea, only to keep reading and find that very idea detailed in the following paragraph? (Hey! How dare they print my thoughts!) And name me one thing more irritating than the car in front of you swooping down upon that perfect parking spot merely because they happened to be ahead of you. Yes, infinitely irksome.

Yet such is my life since I fell in love.

I became aware of this when I sat down to write a Valentine's Day poem for my Danny. I poured out my soul only to find the result no more creative than your average Backstreet Boys ballad. Do I really have nothing better to offer than the syrupy musical refuse of the 1990s?

Well, no, but....all the good stuff is taken. Poets have been robbing the shelves of the English language for centuries. First, they stole all the obvious ‘feeling’ words (love, tenderness, kindness, sweetness), and the terms of endearment (sweetheart, sugarpie, honeybunch), then they made off with the simple analogies and anthropomorphisms (sweeter than honey, time stood still), and rounded up the extended metaphors (I miss you like the fields miss the rain). Alarmed by their dwindling stock, they became desperate and started raking up the made-up words, like "snookums." So in sum, when Robert Burns wrote of how his love is like a red red rose, he ruined it all for the rest of us. Thanks a lot, Robbie – how long did you have to chew on your fountain pen before that flash of inspiration? No one would say "O my love is like a red red hydrangea bush." Forget literary genius, these folks just got there first.

The more I become aware of this phenomenon, the more disturbing it all seems. Take, for example, the unsettling trend of adding the suffix "-poo" to the end of a beloved's name, as in "Frankie-poo." Or worse - a poem Danny once quoted to me: "Sho' as the vines twine round the stump, you are my darlin', sugar lump."

Does anyone else sense the direness of the situation? We cannot even use the words 'lump' or 'poo' without plagiarizing someone else's affection!

I thought for a moment that I would take refuge in the nethermost depths of Websters Unabridged Dictionary, only to find that some smart-aleck named Shakespeare stole all those about 500 years ago (the cretin!). Well he wasn't exactly working from a blank slate either. Go read the Roman legend of Pyramus and Thisbe and then tell me what a stroke of genius you think Romeo and Juliet was. Shakespeare lucked out because the Romans died and their language with them (and note: the Romans pilfered the idea from the Greeks). And for the record, I happen to have an answer for Shakespeare’s timeless query "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" No you shall not! Leave something for the rest of us, man!

Is it my fault that I arrived late on the literary scene, only to watch those last crumbs of phrases like "How sweet it is to be loved by you" or "I got you, babe" snatched from my famished mouth, with only the residue of a tired cliché left upon my lips? I wish I had been the first to fall in love, so that my pen could have gushed with depth of feeling, instead of falling on its knees in a desert of available originality.

So, to heck with it. Since I apparently can't come up with anything that hasn't been said for centuries, to Danny I simply offer a few lines from that great smart-aleck, William Shakespeare:

As easy might I from my self depart
As from my soul which in thy breast doth lie.
That is my home of love; if I have ranged,
Like him that travels I return again.

Or the same thing said more modernly by that standard bearer of high culture, 98 Degrees:

"Cause I'm losin' my mind when you're not around
It's all because of you."

I love you, Danny. Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet hydrangea bush. (Sorry, "rose" was taken.)

A Smattering of the News- Mark Tonkinson
At no time in my life have I regularly watched the news. Nor have I ever read the newspaper on a regular basis. I do enjoy reading from Newsweek. I also will read anything anyone points me towards from the Wallstreet Journal (well, I guess technically my dad is the only one who points me there) and I will read any article from major magazines people point me two. . .but two of them have recently caught my attention.
The first was an article that my mom saw on the computer while we were talking on Skype. Alec Greven, a nine year old wrote a book that is doing very well in it’s sales rate called “How to talk to Girls”. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the opportunity to read it. . .but I do know from the article that its a 9 year olds advice on dating. Does it scare anybody else that something like that can get published? Even if printed with a chuckle and a knowing smile; something makes me uneasy about that. I’m not sure what it is. Nor do I suppose it matters. Perhaps its the fulfillment of the prophecies that the wise would be astounded by the last days! :)
*to find this article just type Alec Greven “How to talk to Girls” into google and you’ll find a bunch. Speaking of Google I knew that it is used as a verb in English, however, I did not know that it was a verb in Spanish- the word is googliar. Goo-glee-are is the pronunciation- who knew?

While in reality, that one only brought a discomfort similar to that which one sometimes experiences on a first day, another article bothered me at a more profound level. The article comes from our friends in the United Kingdom. The title of the article, “Is it selfish to have more than two children?”. Now, before reading the rest of what I have to say, I want you to take a moment and try and think in what area of life you might be selfish in. Got it? Okay, well the thesis of the article, or the controversy that is presented is that it’s selfish to have two children because of the damage it does to the eco-system. I was astounded that I could even be reading an article. It sounds like something I would read in a literary work like “1984”, you know, like, a book you read about a hypothesized world where the humans make vastly different decisions about life that kind of bother you at the core. In “1984” it presents a “Utopia”. . .but not really a Utopia. If I had seen this presented as part of the plot for the Twilight Zone, I would have thought it was a creative story. Seeing as it actually appeared in International News is quite disconcerting.
* http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7884138.stm

Top Ten Songs
**Music definitely doesn’t have the same appeal that it used too. But I still have some favorites that stay in circulation for a while. These are my top ten. I like doing an occasional top ten list. I did not try and put them into an actual order. . I just listed them as they came to my mind.
The Fray- Syndicate- I actually like this one purely for the sound- somehow I still haven’t listened to the words for its meaning. That’s way unusual for me.
Don’t I Hold You – Wheat – Here is another song that I picked for sound-I watched Elizabethtown a couple weeks ago and I loved the feelings that it brought to the scenes.
White Horse- Taylor Swift – I’ve had this one stuck in my head. . .I love her imagery (no Caleb, don’t confuse that with her image, though, yes, she is beautfiul :) ).
Q- Cartel- “Still it always seems just like, I’ll never know . .. If you’re not getting answers, ask better questions” Or ask someone whose interested in talking to you.
When it Rains-Paramore “You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole and convinced yourself that its not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore” Its good to remember when I get in mental ruts that its generally me digging the pit. When I’m smart I stop digging and start building stairs back out .. .I take charge of my mind!
All We Are-One Republic- One of the things I love about music is best displayed here. In the intro, as best I can tell he plays a total of about six notes on the piano, but it produces this epic sound by hitting the same notes in an interesting rhythm, plus I love the imagery in his words “I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong, black and white didn’t fit you, and all along, you were shaded with patience”
A Little Too Not Over You-David Archuleta – it’s like John Mayer’s “Back to You” accept “Back to You” its a better song in my opinion. However, its one of those songs that struck an emotional chord that resonates in all of us at some time or another.
Touch My Hand- David Archuleta – Simple Driving Piano and Percussion- the formula is simple. . .plus, it’s about taking chances on a relationship “Try to reach out to you touch my hand, reach out as far as you can, only me, only you and the band. Can’t let the music stop, can’t let this feeling end, cause if I do it will all be over I’ll never see you again.” I’m not a very big risk taker when it comes to girls and relationships. Somehow, I’ve convinced one of my roommates that I’m a “Pimp”. Granted I’m not a fan of the word “Pimp”- because it doesn’t describe me and it implies a horrible use of women. Stepping off my moral soapbox, I think it’s funny because I’m still the same. . .I’m what one of my companions defined as “the best friend guy”. I still seek lots of girl friendships.
Time After Time-Quietdrive (not Cindy Lauper)- It’s interesting to think that Cindy Lauper produced several fairly big hits seeing as I think she has such a weird voice. . .but I asked the same thing about Modest Mouse and this one other song on the radio called Paper Planes by M.I.A. (I just looked it up so I could find the name, and as I took a little time to get past the wierdness of her voice, I realized it not only sounds strange, but also is in the least not very uplifting.) Enough for long side notes. I love this cover. I think it better conveys the emotional complexities (those two words are academic fluff!)
Learning to Fall-Boys like Girls- this is definitely the most recent addition to my top ten list. With just the title ideas emerge like “Falling with Style”, “Losing Gracefully” etc.

Some Favorite Quotes as of Late

Hitch: Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

**I watched Hitch again recently. Will Smith is one of my favorite actors by far. Not only is he a very talented individual, but I’ve never heard anything bad about him. That impresses me.
I like Hitch, simply because it gives me such confidence. Come on, if Albert can win over the heart of Ms. Alegra Cole, then what guy can’t sweep a girl off her feet? Ha ha . ..reality is a little more complicated, but there are some very poignant truths. Like, the whole part about women lying . .. It sure is refreshing when we say what we really mean rather than burying it in our half truths for the sake of politeness. Granted, its a reflection of our society and our more closed culture. It’s a method of not stepping on each other’s toes. Kind of like we prefer to remain oblivious to our neighbors because we don’t want them to think us weird or a bother. Ha!
Realizing that writing can come off different, I’m kind of laughing at things, fully conscientious of the many times I conform to the same societal standards of attitudes and responses.

“Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around.”-Taylor Swift

**I’m glad that she stands up and doesn’t let the chivalrous guy back into her life!

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 172nd Edition

2009-01-19T00:25:00.001-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
172nd Edition
Sunday, January 18, 2009
10:25 PM

Hmmm. I’ve been taking things way too seriously. I’ve been taking life way too seriously. I’m trying to run life at a sprint rather than as a marathon.

BYU is amazing. I love it here. I love my classes. I love my professors.

I was going to write because I’ve been thinking a lot. I think I’m going to write about what I need to do, and that is not take life so seriously.

Living in the Present
There are three time based lenses through which we can live our life. We can live in the past, in the present, or in the future; or perhaps I should add a fourth one because idealistically you learn from the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. Realistically, I kick myself for the past, enjoy a few moments, and I obsess over making the future excellent.
Today we went to see my Uncle Brent and Aunt Kori in Salt Lake. They are a really fun couple with a beautiful new little girl named Samantha. They were teasing me for not skipping my two classes to ski with Dad and Caleb on Friday. “I never wish I would have studied more or spent more time in class” Kori teased. . ..especially not for the likes of Physical Science and Music 101. The teasing, and other discussion about college life, caused me to pause and look at myself.
I did one thing really good in coming to BYU. Instead of trying to predict what college life was going to be, I’ve just enjoyed watching it reveal itself to me. At the same time, I’m realizing that I’m trying to run college at a rate by which I will be married, graduated, have a solid job, AND have a kid on the way in a year. That’s just ridiculous. Ha ha. I’m trying to laugh at myself.. . .but its kind of sick.
I’m always trying to prepare myself to get the most out of the future. But if your always doing that, you can’t have any presents to get the most out of.
My current roommate and former missionary companion Scott, said to me once as a missionary; “Elder Tonkinson, when you are relaxed you are the most fun person to be around, we have so much fun. But when your stressed, it stresses me out.” Everytime I get stressed, I think about that. I try and relax myself so I can be fun.
I can feel myself tightening up as I start to go into sprint mode. Let’s see, to complete my major, I need these classes, the quickest I can take them is in how few semesters? Run. If I’m really careful about who I date and I only date girls who I could see myself dating, then I could get married in the next year or a little bit more. Run. Run. I need to get a job next semester so I can save money to be married, to have a family, and to really support myself without any help from the parents. Run. Run. Run. Faster. Faster. Faster. Suddenly I start asking what I need to cut out. Do I need to cut out music? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with music. I can’t see myself making a fulltime profession out of it. I don’t want to be flirtatious and playful. . .or I might send the wrong signal to a girl I’m not interested in. Suddenly I tie myself to some imagined future, to some imagined outcome that I’m trying to control. The control freak comes out in me. I mean come on. . .. I couldn’t honestly cut out music just because it will get in the way of me speeding through school or because I don’t think I’ll make a profession out of it.
In these moments, taking life too seriously, I start to try and view myself. The character I see is eccentric, a little weird, excited when there is something deep to talk about, rather boring and non conversational on a basic conversational level, so driven in progressing forward that it scares people. (It’s what I hear when people tell me “to enjoy it”, “to not be too set on getting married” and other things .. .lots of people have said that. It scares me that what seems weird to other people often seems rational to me.
What I’m doing right now is what my English Professor calls spewing “emotional vomit”. Ergh.
This is the consequence of taking things too seriously; I start to not like myself. I start to see, or imagine the worst parts of me that everyone else must see in me, but not tell me because they are polite. You know what I’m talking about. .. .like my Grammy Tonkinson. She has severe paranoia (which has been lessened slightly by alzhiemer’s.) We may talk to her and tell her that her fears are irrational, but we don’t walk around saying, Grammy you are paranoid! Nor do you tell the one really awkward kid at school who seems clueless about it, that he’s awkward .. ..obliviousness is bliss, right? I just find myself trying to guess all the things people see that they don’t want to tell me about.
Now relax.
Rationale tells me this. No matter what I am really like, every person will percieve me a little differently. The same thing that some people will love me for, others will despise and find to be annoying. Therefore it does very little good to worry about what others think or interpret from your actions. Recognizing and acting on my most deep motives will allow me to be happy, despite how others may view it.
Rationale also tells me that life is not a race, and everything will come in due time. Because I trust in God, all things will work together for my good. Trying to do it all on my timing and in my way will stifle growth and will stop the Atonement and the Lord’s hand from working in my life.
Thirdly, being serious about life is an addiction, and like all other addictions it leads me to misery. So quit it.
Fourth, there is a lot of time ahead of me. It doesn’t, can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, all be done by tomorrow. Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and to enjoy life. If I’m not enjoying it, I’m doing something wrong.
Fifth, there really is very little I can control. When I do try and control everything around me, Heavenly Father allows it to happen the way it was supposed to, despite my best efforts to have it my way.
Sixth, the scriptures and my Patriarchal Blessing do contain the promises and directions for my life .. However, they do not need to be completely understood, fulfilled by tomorrow or anytime soon. I just need to be faithful.
Finally, I need to come up with some new coping ideas for pulling out of stress into seriousness. I need to figure out what has worked before. Experimenting and doing things that I wouldn’t normally often allows me to better understand my limits, and to discover where I’m actually more relaxed and comfortable than I assume. Not thinking at all about the future. Spending significant time pushing out thoughts of the future is often a great stress reliever to me. I already spend so much time planning for it, that I know I’ll still be headed in that direction. In fact, just by trusting in the Lord I will move in the right direction. And if at some point I think too little of the future, I know that I’ll be prompted back in the right direction. The Spirit never lets one stray too much if you are always trying to give heed to it. That was a comforting lesson from my mission and probably the most powerful for relaxing. If I let go of trying to take over everything in my life. If I just continued doing good, being good, and went out trying my best, I didn’t have to preoccupy myself over doing every little thing just right. The Atonement became an enabling power, allowing me to live. To really live, to really enjoy the moments, instead of worrying about the moments. Faith based living brings joy. I know that.
I feel happier now. If I can keep that idea in my head, I’ll do fine for a few months. Just live life. Keep doing the right things and all the little things will work out. Life does turn on small hinges, small things do have eternal consequences . ..but because of the Atonement, and because I am following the Savior, fretting over the small things will not help me progress and shows too much confidence in myself and my abilities and not His power and His ability to guide my life.

Okay, I’m done. This was a good writing session. Writing is a great form of therapy :).

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 171st Edition

2008-12-22T01:02:00.001-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
171st Edition
Monday, December 22, 2008
1:00 AM

Today, it is officially cold in Illinois. Its the first time I’ve actually thought it overly bitter. At the same time, the cold has brought good things with it; the snow, friends, my parents anniversary, cuddling up with good books and movies, and ice sliding on the driveway with Caleb.
I started reading various authors commentaries on writing. The result would seem to be great feelings of inadequacy, and also the realization that there are thousands of people trying to do the same thing. Just like music. But I do not find it a good enough reason to quit writing. And, well, I’ve started again pondering plots for novels. One benefit of reading the commentaries was I discovered that my fatal mistake in trying to write a book has been that its never been thoroughly planned. Like music, I’ve always considered writing a discovery activity.. . When I write music, I tend to sit at a piano and play around, and rather than writing a song, I feel like I’m uncovering a buried treasure. When it rings true, when it, for a lack of better words “speaks to me”, then I keep it as part of the song. There is a song that I started to write in High School, and just a week or so ago, I discovered another part of it.. . .I part that I have been missing and trying to find. I could feel the lack for it.
As I write these things, I started to wander to whom these words will appeal, and also to whom will they cause to turn their heads. We all interpret the world a bit differently I suppose.
Today, I actually am pleased to announce that another writer has contributed to this DHT. A dear friend and mentor, Scott Wilson recently wrote a piece about his Thanksgiving trip. With his permission, I share this with view. I do enjoy his writing, particularly because of the funny twists he gives to his personal insights on life happenings.

A Texas Thanksgiving- by Scott Wilson
As many of you know, we spent Thanksgiving with Jon and Lisa in Texas. This was our first trip to the Lone Star State since leaving Austin in 2002 for the greener grass of Illinois. One of the nice things about living in Colorado is that we are within a day's drive of all of our family members (with the notable exception of a couple of wayward Michigander families). We made trips earlier this year to Utah and Idaho, and we spent Thanksgiving a few years ago in Kansas, so we decided to invite ourselves over to the home of our favorite Texan family for the week of Thanksgiving.

We arrived Saturday night after an admittedly long drive made slightly shorter by Diana obeying the "spirit" of the speed-limit laws. As you can imagine, for cousins that had not seen each other for nearly a year, it took our kids a while to warm up to the Schaack boys. This lasted for about 1.2 seconds, after which time our kids played together as if they had never been apart. We like the Schaack boys. Caleb has quite a commanding presence for a four-year-old. He will often talk to those around him, including adults, as though he is the one in charge. We decided that he will likely be the CEO of a major corporation someday (or some comparable position). And Jacob is just so darn cute. Our bedtime routine included my telling episodes of the classic tale of Sam and the Magic Blanket, and Caleb correcting me when I made slight continuity errors in the story.

Fortunately, Jon had the week off, so we played the whole week. Jon and Lisa took us on an extensive tour of all of the exciting tourist attractions of the Dallas area which included the following: the X in the road marking the spot where Kennedy was assassinated. After that, we spent much of the rest of our time visiting the playgrounds in the area. We went to a total of six playgrounds, and our kids could not get enough of them. This was partly because of the sunshiny 70s weather we enjoyed for most of the week.

We were pleasantly surprised to find out that the Phillips, our good friends from Austin, just happen to be living in the Schaack's ward. Jared Jepson, my friend from high school, is also now living in the Dallas area, and we took advantage of that fact by talking on the phone with Jared several times, but never actually coordinating a time to meet. As you know, though, talking with someone on the phone when you're in the same metro area is much better than talking on the phone with them when you're a couple states apart. Besides, Jared and I are related, he being my sister's husband's sister's husband's brother, so I'm sure we'll have the opportunity to meet up with him in the future.

So we had a great time with the Schaacks. The best part of the entire trip, of course, was the $1.55-per-gallon gas. We just wanted to drive around in circles for a while to keep burning that cheap, cheap gas. To make up for the money we saved in gas, I decided to get a speeding ticket on the way home. This occurred near a small town in west Texas where the local government has apparently decided that the only way for them to balance their budget is to give huge fines to drivers passing by their small town who are going nine mph over the limit, smugly ignoring the well known rule that policemen are only supposed to give tickets to those going at least ten over (which is why my cruise control was set at nine over). Regardless, we were happy to make our substantial contribution towards the city park's new merry-go-round.

OK, the actual best part of the trip was the reaffirmation that we have a great family, and boy do we enjoy spending time with them. Lisa is amazing with her creative and artistic and homemaking skills. She makes Martha Stewart look like . . . like an engineer (for lack of a better comparison). And Jon kept us entertained with emergency-room stories (accompanied by vivid photographs) involving teeth (or a lack thereof) and blood and gore.

Being as it is the holiday season, my company recently gave us the cheerful news that approximately 16% of ULA employees will be laid off next year. I'm not worried, though. A company would never lay off an engineer whose football team is currently ranked #3 in the nation. If that's not job security, I don't know what is.

Speaking of college sports, I've mentioned in the past that one of the great benefits of having attended three universities is that at any one time, at least one of my teams will be doing well. I've recently realized that there is an even greater benefit. In almost any situation I can instantly make an enemy. You see, I've attended universities in the Mountain West, Big 12, and Big 10 conferences. It is quite frequent that people I meet have attended a school in one of those conferences, and it helps that at least two of my schools (BYU and Texas) regularly beat up on their conference foes. For instance, yesterday I attended a presentation by a company made up mostly of University of Wyoming graduates who were trying to sell our company some software. When I mentioned I was a BYU alumnus, the CEO of the company instantly started talking about how badly the Cougars beat the Cowboys this year, and said we might as well call the meeting off—that he couldn't sell his software to a Cougar. That's the kind of immediate animosity that I am capable of creating with almost anyone.

**Thanks Scott :)

Seeing the Value in Others
The following story is from a talk by Vaughn J. Featherstone “A Man After God’s Own Heart”. I found it on my mission and used It often for teaching purposes. I like it because it teaches many valuable principles. My favorite principles to discuss surrounding this story are the potential that we have as God’s children, seeing others as God’s children, drawing out the good in people, and the power of love inspired service. I think the story will speak well enough for itself.

Marian Wright Edelman told the story of Jean Thompson, who was a teacher:

On the first day of school, Jean Thompson told her students, "Boys and girls, I love you all the same." Teachers lie. Little Teddy Stollard was a boy Jean Thompson did not like. He slouched in his chair, didn't pay attention, his mouth hung open in a stupor, his eyes were always unfocused, his clothes were mussed, his hair unkempt, and he smelled. He was an unattractive boy and Jean Thompson didn't like him.

Teachers have records. And Jean Thompson had Teddy's. First grade: "Teddy's a good boy. He shows promise in his work and attitude. But he has a poor home situation." Second grade: "Teddy is a good boy. He does what he is told. But he is too serious. His mother is terminally ill." Third grade: "Teddy is falling behind in his work; he needs help. His mother died this year. His father shows no interest." Fourth grade: "Teddy is in deep waters; he is in need of psychiatric help. He is totally withdrawn."

Christmas came, and the boys and girls brought their presents and piled them on her desk. They were all in brightly colored paper except for Teddy's. His was wrapped in brown paper and held together with scotch tape. And on it, scribbled in crayon, were the words, "For Miss Thompson from Teddy." She tore open the brown paper and out fell a rhinestone bracelet with most of the stones missing and a bottle of cheap perfume that was almost empty. When the other boys and girls began to giggle she had enough sense to put some of the perfume on her wrist, put on the bracelet, hold her wrist up to the children and say, "Doesn't it smell lovely? Isn't the bracelet pretty?" And taking their cue from the teacher, they all agreed.

At the end of the day, when all the children had left, Teddy lingered, came over to her desk and said, "Miss Thompson, all day long, you smelled just like my mother. And her bracelet, that's her bracelet, it looks real nice on you, too. I'm really glad you like my presents." And when he left, she got down on her knees and buried her head in her chair and she begged God to forgive her.

The next day when the children came, she was a different teacher. She was a teacher with a heart. And she cared for all the children, but especially those who needed help. Especially Teddy. She tutored him and put herself out for him.

By the end of the year, Teddy had caught up with a lot of the children and was even ahead of some. Several years later, Jean Thompson got this note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

I'm graduating and I'm second in my high school class. I wanted you to be the first to know. Love, Teddy.

Four years later she got another note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

I wanted you to be the first to know. The university has not been easy, but I like it. Love, Teddy Stollard.

Four years later, there was another note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

As of today, I am Theodore J. Stollard, M.D. How about that? I wanted you to be the first to know. I'm going to be married in July. I want you to come and sit where my mother would have sat, because you're the only family I have. Dad died last year.

And she went and she sat where his mother should have sat because she deserved to be there.

[Deval L. Patrick, "Struggling for Civil Rights Now," Vital Speeches of the Day 61, no. 3 (November 15 1994):93p;94]

I think that is the kind of thing we talk about when we talk about having a heart like unto God's own heart. Otherwise we'll live like the person in this little verse by Henry Drummond:

I lived for myself, I thought for myself,
For myself, and none beside--
Just as if Jesus had never lived,
As if He had never died.

[The Greatest Thing in the World (New York: Thomas Y. Crowell Company, n.d.), p. 40]

It’s late because we just got home from picking up my Aunt Kristl (my dad’s sister). It’s good to have her with us. It was weird to see the airport again. And I’m going to see it again soon.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 170th Edition

2008-12-16T22:26:00.000-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
170th Edition
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
10:17 PM

This DHT has been sitting on my new MacBook Pro for two days waiting for me to get the address book updated to this computer. Yay! It’s finally done. Which makes me very happy. In the meantime, I’ve also finally gotten a cell phone. I found out that I am without planning scheduled to be in a class with one of my best friends and I’m getting excited to go to school after the holidays. Snow is covering everything and I love it. Maybe I’ll get into the habit of writing more often again. Especially now that things are more convieniently in one place.
Oh, I was trying to figure out how I was going to effectively budget my life without paying too much for a good computer program. I was doing my research and found out that Quicken has a free online service that you can directly attach to your account. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a beginning budgeting program. It has a nice little program that helps you see where you are spending your money and it also has a goals program that allows you to set your budget for items and can send you emails to warn you if your going to go over or are getting close. Just go to www.quicken.com and look for the Quicken Online :)

The ABC’s of My Life
Amy and Alyssa- I saw Alyssa after Thanksgiving and Amy comes home December 18th. It’s good to have my Champaign girls again.

Baptisms- Krysta Hanson and Britt Grove were just recently baptized in the Champaign singles ward. They are both awesome people. . .I’ve enjoyed getting to know them, as I have the rest of the Singles Ward. For purely social reasons, I could definitely stay in the Singles Ward here. Ha ha, but then, something I came to understand better about myself on my mission, is that I could be happy almost anywhere based purely on social things. . ..there are cool people everywhere.

Consuming- How I’ve begun to start to think of my new MacBook Pro and computers in general. In the movie Wall-E we see a place where in future society people live in chairs where they don’t see past the projected computer screen in front of their faces. They are fat, because they can do everything in their chair. They can talk, order things, travel, talk to people, whatever. An increasing amount of my interests and daily activities can be done on a computer. I can write, I can study online courses, go shopping, I can learn new guitar songs (from YouTube and tablature), I can communicate with others, I can do research, and now I don’t need to take a stereo and all my CDs to college to have my music. With so many productive things to do on a computer, and just as many distracting things that are fun like games, movies, and watching whole TV Episodes, I’ve started to feel like its consuming my life. It’s very efficient, and I don’t think I waste as much time as I used to. However, I do often feel like I’ve been in front of it for too long.

Dark Knight, The- The New Batman movie is rather intense. It’s rating includes a statement that it is rated PG-13 for “some menace” . I kind of laughed when I saw that. But I understood that it was referring to the Joker. The movie is very dark and the menace quite disturbing (to me at least). However, I thought it was a genius script. Interestingly, the person who said the most truly profound things were The Joker. The film made poignant remarks on motivations, on right and wrong and where the lines blend, on what is virtue, and on humanity in general. I love how The Joker can’t be bought, whose motivation is for the sake of doing things. If virtue is “doing good for only the sake of doing good”, we see the opposite in a man who doest bad for the very sake of enjoying the bad. The Joker also makes some great points about being in control and out of control. He uses peoples desires to control a situation to accomplish his tasks. When I speak of this movie, I will say that I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love the genious in it. . . .but the darkness of it kept me up watching something more pleasant to return to my insides to a “happy medium” (can someone remind me where that idea is from? “happy medium” I think its from Madeline L’engle’s “A Wrinkle in Time” but I can’t remember.

Ears- I laughed the other day when my Mom told me that I’m definitely the child who has a telephone growing out of his ear. Something we’ve taken into consideration while looking for a cell phone.

Frumpy- Scotts Johns word for me. I’m so excited that he comes home and gets to be my room mate.

Gifts by Ursula K. LeGuin is a really good book that makes some interesting observations about gifts. What is a gift? Is it’s value dependent on the user? It’s a good book, with beautiful prose, and is a short read as well. I highly recommend it. Oh, I guess it would fall under the fiction/fantasy category.

Holiday with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn addressed one of my favorite expanded insights on the mission. Before I left on the mission, I thought a lot in black and white. I’m quite confident I still think in a lot of black and white. ..but its significantly less. The insight I finally understood was how in many situations there isn’t one right answer ..there are many. For some reason I used to think that as everyone neared perfection, truth would be the basis for there decision, and ultimately, that would mean they would all make the same decision. On my mission I finally came to understand that this is not a cookie cutter plan .. .we are not cookie dough all approaching the same shaped cookie. In our eternal identity there is personality and character and that will always be with us. It doesn’t detract from perfection .... .Joseph Smith taught that the Lord gives us revelation adapted to our circumstances. .. I assume circumstances includes our personalities and those of the people around us. So acting perfectly would not assume that there is one right answer for the situation. .because it changes according to the people. The truths like love, patience, virtue, etc., don’t change. . But revelation helps us to understand how to use those truths in our situation. In Holiday Cary Grant is going to marry, but eventually discovers that his spouse and he have different ideas about finances. At first he tries resolve it by deciding to follow the girl’s philosophy, but then he discovers he can’t really do it and she can’t change for him. In a former time, I would have seen the girl as wrong because my philosophy on life is closer to Cary Grant’s. At this point I recognize both as fine and appropriate for the individual and that the best answer for them was not getting married.

It’s a Wonderful Life- about a week ago we watched this movie as a family. I forgot how much I love this movie. The message is so positive. It just makes you want to get up and enjoy life and bless others lives.

Jimmy John’s- I had my first sandwich from there the other evening. “Subs so fast you’ll freak” means that you don’t sit around in Subway, in fact, I think they generally finished within 20-30 seconds of the order. I was impressed .. . .but as those who were there know, not “obsessed” :)

Kentucky still remains to be one of my favorite places. Nostalgic for sure.

Love is a decision set aside from attraction, enjoyment, and hormones. “Enchanted” makes some great observations on love.

Money- I’m about to go off and be a poor college student! I’m really excited! The other day I was talking to someone about dating (an activity which at this point I find myself a little terrified of) and the girl commented that she didn’t like going on dates unless she was interested. She felt it disingenuous to have someone spending there money on her. I wandered to myself how many girls use guys for there money. And I have to admit, my own philosophies I’m hoping will counter that. I’m don’t want to spend lots of money on dates. I’m not going to have a lot of money, I don’t plan on it, and I don’t want the girl to think otherwise. Financial security is important to me .. .having an excess of money is not. I truly believe that how much money you have is not about how much you earn, but how much you spend. I want to be a teacher, and I want to marry a girl who wants to stay home with the kids. Doing that on a teacher’s salary is going to require good financial skills and a great deal of sacrifice. But with it should come rewards of the simplicity of not having too much in the house and if financially stable then there shouldn’t be concerns for the money. Removing black and white thinking allowed me to see that for some families, and some girl’s personalities it can be very beneficial for them to work. Which allowed me to accept that I can enjoy my own philosophies and others can enjoy theirs.

Not too seriously will I take myself and life. A friend and family member, suggested that I beward of “analysis paralysis”. . .overthinking and freezing up on decisions. I thought it was brilliant :)

Orange Crush- I learned something cool when I was visiting my grandparents for Thanksgiving. Orange Crush used to have real bits of orange in it! Hence the name.

Picking college courses, picking where to live, picking what to do with my life, and in time picking who I will marry. There are a lot more decisions to be made in normal life.

Quests I’m currently on- I want to start a band at BYU. I am on a quest for a good story idea. And I’m on a quest to continue overcoming the irrational thought processes that occasionally plague my existence.

Risk Taking- So I’ve decided its a good idea to take more risks than I have in the past. Some of the more recent risks I’ve taken are riding a motorcycle, attempting to ride a horse after several failed attempts, and well, I was going to go see my first concert. . Then the concert was cancelled due to the singer getting sick . .. Oh well. Its been good for me to do things I wasn’t sure I would be comfortable with. Even little things like watching some episodes of The Office. I was always so careful of every little decision. I don’t think I am as much anymore. The crazy papers helped me see that taking risks helps us to increase our discomfort tolerance and actually know our limitations(instead of assuming them), and it also is helpful to me ridding myself of perfectionism to be able to see things as a success if I tried it. I don’t have to like it or do it well, but I can try it and find out if I like it.

Spectacular Individuals- James Holman and Wilbur Wilberforce. I would like to recommend here a book and a movie. “A Sense of the World” by Jason Roberts is about a blind man named James Holman who traveled the world despite his inability to see. It is a biography and is very well written and very fascinating. “Amazing Grace” is a movie about Wilbur Wilberforce and his fight in Parliament to stop the British Slave Trade. An inspiring true story, that was very tastefully put onto the screen. I mention these two, and I have been thinking about great individuals in general as I have been studying American Heritage and learning about the founders of our nation. I love reading about great people. I admire both James and Wilbur for there fight against great odds, for their perseverance, diligence, and good will towards others. I think when I read about great individuals, it helps me to remember that doing great things is something obtainable. People who are considered great are in reality still just normal people. What separates them is not having any extra ability that allows them to do, but rather that they decide to do despite the odds. Both are truly inspiring tales, and the modern day storytellers of the book and the movie are great.

Three- the number of guys who unnecessarily felt “threatened” by my return from missionary life. Ha ha, that number could actually be four, but three are confirmed. By threat, I am referring to a threat to their relationships. The funny thing was I wasn’t and am not a threat at all. I can’t even really think of myself as a threat :).

University, Brigham Young- I’m getting excited to get out there and start school. I’m looking forward to throw myself into another world.

Virtue, virtue, virtue. . .I read about virtue in my American Heritage book. Virtue was considered by the Socrates, Aristotle, and other ancient thinkers. In the late 1700s through the 1800s virtue was a largely important topic. In “A Sense of the World” and “Amazing Grace” it was evident that virtue was a daily consideration for many of the players and a question often brought up. But now, I wonder what is to become of virtue. Virtue of character would play into so many things if it was more valued in our society. If virtue was considered important Marriage would still be a sacred institution respected before and after the fact. If virtue was still important, Illinois and North Dakota would not be uncovering political corruption. If virtue was still important, The Office would always be funny, entertaining, and CLEAN. If virtue was still important, one could leave the TV on and the only concern would be time spent, not content viewed. If virtue was still important, woman would be respected. If virtue was still important, large businesses would not suffer scandal. If virtue was still important, a man wouldn’t be trampled in a Black Friday’s sales rush. If virtue were still important, missionaries, teachers, Priests, and other various members of society wouldn’t have to tip toe around children and worry about lawsuits fired against them. If virtue were still important, our natural inclination would be to trust rather than to wonder what the “Catch” is.
I think virtue is very important. I don’t think our world is completely lacking of it either. People are still rescued, happy families continue to exist, and honest businessman, politicians, and regular everyday great people exist and consider the tenets of virtue important. But it does not play the same central role in society. A couple examples. .. In Much Ado About Nothing, when Hero is framed as to having lost her carnal virtue, her father in rage says he prefers her dead than alive with the scandal. Its so serious that they pretend she is dead. I’m pretty sure Clinton and Lewinsky did not go into hiding. The character of the individual was valued. Today, character, especially virtue, while valued, especially by employers, is not held to the same high regard in the societies eye. Obama and McCain were never found dueling as Hamilton and Burr despite vicious attacks on one another. (Granted this one may be a stretch. Burr, the winner of the duel ultimately was tried for murder, and although acquitted was unable to continue his political career. In our times, we would not take up an illegal action such as dueling just to defend our reputation.. . Unless your a gangbanger of course. Our virtue and character just doesn’t have that much importance anymore.

Wyatt gets mentioned for just being awesome. And because when I think lonely. . I know his definition of lonely is the closest to mine :)

X is a cross that goes through things to tell you no!

Yesh!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz’s are still something I avoid :)

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 169th Edition

2008-11-16T23:01:00.000-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
169th Edition
November 16, 2008
11:00 PM

Today, Addie(2) decided to put on my deodorant. . . however, instead of applying it underneath the arms, she applied it as lipstick. Luckily, Gideon(8) caught her in the act and was able to report it to mom. If that seems as weird to you as it does to me (and I'll add funny to weird), then you’ll be able to identify with my feelings for this week. This week was weird. Nothing weird happened in particular. . . but I felt weird about many of things that did happen. Maybe I can paint a little picture.

Everyone I talked to this week, for more than a casual five minute conversation, confided something to me about their personal life. Most of those items were of pretty major consequence.

I set up my schedule for classes at BYU. I chose a major and a minor. I want to be an English Major and Minor in Music. It feels right, but I haven’t got down and prayed about it, perhaps because I just feel good about it already. At the same time, I don't feel like I'm leaving for BYU soon.

Firsts since coming home: bought two new CDs, restarted piano lessons, started recording a song on garage band, went to the theater (saw the new James Bond Movie), went bowling, watched a girls hockey game, watched a couple episodes of The Office, went hometeaching, started and finished Twighlight, and renewed my license.

I wrote two articles for this DHT. For those of you who pick and choose what you read, the first is about Emotions, their causes, and how to get past them. The second is a Book Review on Twighlight (If you really really liked Twighlight, don't read my book review).

Thoughts on the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory
After I had been out for about 18 months, my Mission President sent me a packet of about 20 pages of material on Rational Thinking and Perfectionism. There was a page that identified Common Irrational Thinking Patterns, An article about 12 Principles of Rational Thinking, 4 or 5 talks from Apostles addressing concerns about an imbalance in striving for perfection i.e “perfectionism” and a paper about the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory. As a packet in and of itself, I like to call them crazy papers. When I consider changes that have taken place inside of me, while being on a mission, This is one of them. The crazy papers helped me to balance out. They have helped me to think more rationally, act more appropriately, and to deal with emotions that I used to think I couldn’t change. They taught me how to relax and think about things more realistically. The benefits have been very positive.
I ‘m going to focus on one page tonight. I like to review the packet and tell other people, because it helps in a continuing internalization process that I’m going through. This week’s emotion has been “weird”. The theory goes like this:
A (Events and Circumstances) +
B (Thoughts, Attitudes, Beliefs, Perceptions) =
C (Emotions)
“A” is the factor that you generally cannot change. The Event/Circumstance passes through “B”, our perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, which causes us to experience emotion “C”. Therefore, the only way to change your emotion, is if you change the belief, attitude, perception or thought. That would seem to be the part where rational thinking principles comes in. As an individual, one needs to figure out which thinking patterns are rational and which aren’t. I often couldn’t identify my own irrationality, because I thought my own perceptions were reality. Thank goodness for a friend on the mission who shed some light when he said that I needed to remember that just because I perceive something one way doesn’t make it truth. I thought about that long and hard.
I do at this point feel that there is a way to overcome feelings. Although, I don’t think it necessary to remove feeling; the scriptures warn us about not getting “past feeling”. By changing irrational thoughts and silly perceptions or beliefs, I’ve been able to remove unnecessary anxieties, fears, obsessions, pains, and other undesirable feelings. However, I would add, that sometimes, to remove the irrational thoughts, it was essential to rely on the Savior and my faith in Him. The Atonement, has a much more powerful eraser than my own intellect and ability. It can change thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, and believes that are deeper than we can see on our own.
So, the next time you are sitting there, dealing with an undesirable emotion. .I challenge you to take a moment. What is the circumstance or event that is causing the trauma, stress, etc.? What do I believe, perceive or think about this event? Are those thoughts, beliefs, perceptions causing unnecessary pain to myself? What would be a more appropriate thought? Then, dwell on that thought, perception, or belief. Make it yours. And do me one other favor, check that your new belief, perception, attitude, or thought is in line with the Lord’s commandments and laws J.
As a final note, I would like to add, that this kind of change in feeling is not limited to what we consider negative feelings, but to the positive ones as well. Tired of missing somebody? Want to let go of an obsessive crush? Tired of overreacting to something? Try it out.

Book Review- Twilight-by Stephanie Meyer
I caught wind of this book on my mission. LDS Author, Vampire Love Story, and National Bestseller were all I knew about it. Taryn, being the prolific reader, wanted me to read that as soon as I finished Harry Potter and wanted me to go see the movie with her. Someone, I don’t remember who once commented that it was a good book for all genders because it contained a love story and decent action. That statement was true. However, it is not recognized, at least here as a piece of literature that is appropriate reading for both genders; but when have I ever paid attention to what the ominous “them” say.
Now, having read the book, I can’t say that I’m overly impressed. The book wins people over, I believe, on it’s plot. A mix of mystery, romance, adventure, and perhaps a little suspense keeps you moving through its pages. However, it could not pass as a piece of literature. It does not stop to make you ponder any deeper part of life; I had to do my over analysis to get any of that from the book. And as it’s written, well, it’s written, but not well. Granted, I may be harsh because I had just been reading JK Rowling, who I think is an outstanding writer. But, as I discussed with Caleb and Mom, there isn’t anything deep about the book, what you read is what you get.
The most frustrating part to me however, was the relationship of the narrator, Bella, and Edward (her vampire boyfriend). It is an obsessive relationship. They both obsess over each other. Edward, who never sleeps, you come to find out is a stalker. . .he watches her every night. Bella, is obsessive in her thinking patterns. Their interest in each other is built on attraction and is never built on the foundation of a solid friendship. They form the friendship coupled with the obsession. They are often mean to each other, they lack openness and honesty, and they act impulsively despite how they have the appearance of showing great personal restraint.
I don’t know which part disappointed me more, that the writing was poor and didn’t make me think or that it was portraying an unhealthy relationship. Don’t get me completely wrong. In the end, I’ll say I like the book because it’s plot is captivating and the exploration of vampires who don’t eat humans, seems like an original idea. Plus, it’s a short enough read that I couldn’t say it was a waste of time. However, I opted on asking for a brief summary on the rest of the series from my sister rather than reading them on my own. It’s time to move onto other books.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 168th Edition

2008-11-09T20:02:00.000-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
168th Edition
November 9, 2008
7:48PM

It’s taken me a lot longer than I imagined to write a second DHT. I think I imagined that when I got home that I would have lots of time . . . but as I have discovered, I just don’t have it. I haven’t decided to make it a priority. Other things have occupied my time.
As of Yesterday, I’ve been home a month. When I got home, the weather here in Illinois, was the same as that in California. As of today, I’m pretty sure we are entering the cold times. . . at least that’s what snow flurries usually mean.
Some major events of the past couple weeks:
· I’ve integrated into the Singles Ward in Urbana and I love it.
· I finished the 7th Harry Potter Book and enjoyed it very much.
· I’ve spent a collective 10 hours on the phones with various girls J I definitely missed talking with girls. Although, I must say, I think my thoughts on guys and girls have changed. Before, I would have told you that girls are generally angels and guys devils. At this point, I think you can find both guys and girls on all ends of the spectrum.
· I’ve lost five pounds between playing soccer 3 times a week and running 4 miles a day. Five to ten more pounds would be ideal.
· I’ve bought a new wardrobe, to replace white shirts and ties J
· I’ve found out that American Heritage, even as an online course, it very time intensive.
· I enjoyed going to the U of I choir concert last night. I think I may minor in music.
· I watched some of the SNL comedy skits of the Presidential Debates last night, and discovered that I was quite clueless about any of the politics. I didn’t see one single debate. Therefore, much of the comedy, and any real sense of the actual election being important seems beyond me.

Chief Financial Officer for a Day
If you ask me what I think I want to study or major in, my answer is “Education, I want to be a teacher.” But, I still haven’t found myself entirely sure. I decided that since I have some time on my hand, that I would go and find out what exactly my dad does. My dad is the Chief Financial Officer for Carle Hospital. I’ve never known exactly what that entailed. So, I asked if I could go to work one day.
My dad found a day that he thought would show me a variety of what he did and would be most interesting to me. So, this past Wednesday I went to Carle.
The first meeting was a report of the yearly financial statement to a board. The presentation was given for the most part by my dad and one of the guys he works with, Scott. Scott, had taken found me alone in the office a couple moments, and commented that he enjoyed working with my dad because he has good moral sense and is smart. I found the meeting interesting. After the financial statement was made, there were proposals of what actions the hospital could take. Then, the members of the board would vote to decide whether they would take it for approval. I found that very fascinating.
Afterward, we ate a breakfast, provided by the company, and talked with the leading member of the Board and Scott. Over breakfast they talked about the economy, the election, and morals of society. That was an interesting conversation. I enjoyed seeing that two of the men my dad works with are men with values, who are not only hard work individuals, but also who preoccupy themselves with the moral decay of our nation. Another thing I started to see was the level at which politics starts to influence our society and where it can actually have an affect.
Great businessmen, I have noted, are well read individuals. They read about politics, the economy, and many of the things going on in society. They are educated about history, religion, and have a wide range of interests. They are acutely aware of cause and effect, and concern themselves with the better good of society as a whole. I particularly noticed this when I visited the home of a multi-millionaire who lived in Santa Maria. He was a very successful businessman who owned thousands of acres in a variety of places in the world. His house included a gorgeous library with many many books. What caught my attention however, was that the immediate reading materials on his Magazine were Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, and other various current events articles. I’ve become aware that many successful individuals are those who can identify the many causes and effects that lie underneath the surface and then react and act appropriately. I enjoy listening to educated people talk.
Afterwards, there was a meeting with a Community Board that talked about the different health programs going on in the community. Wide issues, such as grants Carle had given, community perceptions of the services available, and whether different services were being used was discussed. I found the meeting to be very interesting. I love addressing issues and then working together to try and solve them. As a missionary, leadership counsels did exactly that, we addressed issues and talked about solutions. I love that kind of interaction. I decided that one of my goals is to involve my self in the community through some kind of board.
Then, we listened in on training for the compliance department over a telephone conference. I actually listened to two different seminars over phone conference. I thought that was interesting. It wasn’t my favorite way of training, but I became aware that it is common.
Dad and I went out for lunch at Miko’s, an oriental buffet. I enjoyed discussing what I observed and asking for details on some things I didn’t fully understand as an observer.
The last event of the day was a telephone meeting with a rating company, where the hospital was rated. The agency observed the hospital’s statistics and then would talk different things out and listen to the hospital’s plans.
The day was fascinating to me. So much of it was a new world with it’s own lingo; luckily it wasn’t to hard to follow what was going on. I liked the office atmosphere. I’ve always thought that I would. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s the professional look, or the image of productivity and progress, I’m not really sure. I just liked it.
I’m not sure I would want to be a CFO. But a lot of the skills sets that needed to be used for the job I liked. Specifically that would include; Having a problem, creating, and proposing and discussing a solution; also, Being involved with many different people and departments, I like being involved with lots of individuals. Having the opportunity to be trained and to train employees appeals to me, mainly the idea of continuing education. I think I enjoyed that there seemed to be a variety of things to do and that the conditions were always changing, so it would never get boring.
Spending a day with a CFO was nice. It’s also nice to know what it means when Dad goes to work. Dad going to work is one of those universal concepts where so often, or at least I think, we have a black haze over our mind. It’s a concept, and there reality is something of which we are unaware. However, now, when I think that, Dad is at work, it has significance and there isn’t a black haze in my mind.

Movie Review
Dan in Real Life
Quite frankly, I don’t think that “Dan in Real Life” is a properly named film. I’m not sure what my mind actually conjured from reading the title, but it wasn’t the resulted viewing. However, my rating of the movie, is that it’s a decent watch.
I’ve just realized I don’t like writing reviews. They seem kind of dry. Or maybe, its just that talking about this movie does not leave me to think deeply about much of anything.
Dan in Real Life is a love story about two people who seemingly are perfect for each other in a book store. So the girl disappears; Dan goes to his family reunion, where he is introduced to his brother’s girlfriend, the very same lady he met. An interesting weekend with the family ensues. While the two try and hide there interest. The film is rated PG-13, probably for the two scenes that made me uncomfortable.
The character Dan is played by Steve Carrel and his special interest, Marie is played by Juliette Binoche(Chocolat). I thought they both did a nice job. I was fascinated by Steve Carrel, as near the beginning of my mission, one of the missionaries I served around decided that I look like Steve Carrel. I of course, had no clue who he was talking about. Now, I’m a little less film illiterate and can say I know who Steve Carrel is, and I don’t see all that many similarities.
The one perhaps interesting thing I took from the film was that it reminded me of a conversation with a friend. We talked about two different types of attractions. One is a healthy attraction and the other being an obsession. Healthy attraction is when you like somebody, but you don’t think about them all the time and don’t want to be around them all the time. This allows the two people to become friends and grow into a relationship. Obsession, is less healthy and usually leads to the parties moving at a more rapid pace, without establishing a great friendship first. Dan’s of course was an obsession. It ate him inside; he acted abnormally, and got jealous. It did not lead to healthy emotions or actions. Watching out for that kind of difference in attraction seems important to me as one comes more out of desire (obsession) and the other out of sincere interest that grows and can see the pros and cons before acting. If one decides to act quickly, they can find themselves in a relationship that isn’t that compatible. The other one will have a greater chance of deciding not to enter a relationship that isn’t compatible. On a risk/benefits, my personal feeling would be that you are better becoming friends. Leave out obsession, and then, become friends. One can “fall in love” with somebody who they aren’t really compatible with. Better to decide that before getting emotionally attached.

Letters to the Editor
I recieved a lot of emails saying hello welcom home. Unless there seemed to be pressing questions, I didn't respond to many of them. Although, I did read them and I'm excited to hear from family and friends and to see that your lives continue to move forward in joyous and exciting ways. I still am getting back into the swing of things as you all can tell. This is only my second DHT. I hope to write a little more frequently, though I find myself somewhat nervous to do so. Without the practice, I feel the writing doesn't flow as easily, but I know that will come in time.

Oh, and hopefully, I've changed everyone's addresses who asked me too. But its possible I didn't. If you did send me a message asking me to send the DHT to a different address. Please send me an email again, as I am currently under the belief that I have changed them all. :)

An Interesting Website about a World War II Escape Tunnel
http://www.kerman94.com/tunnelharry.html

For those of you who are bloggers, DHTs will also be posted on
http://dhtmaster.blogspot.com/

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 167th Edition

2008-11-08T17:09:00.000-06:00

The Daily Honky Tonk
167th Edition
October 19, 2008
7:33 PM
Thanks go to the Guest Editor for maintaining an occasional update. Though he comments that it has been a year since he sent one. The DHT proved to be an undertaking that wasn't for the mission. And now that I am back, I have avoided writing one knowing that it would be a time consuming and perhaps an interesting session of writing.I find leaving behind two years of something incredible. Something that words can't fully explain. Words never could quite explain the Spirit of the Lord. We always try and define it by saying that it comes in your thoughts and your feelings.. . but it's the spirit. It's not a specific emotion or a specific thought, it is its own entity. And yet, the other day I was at the Church playing early morning soccer and Brother Smith commented that he remembered how a couple days after his mission he had to read his journal to make sure that it really happened. And in some ways, I feel the same. My goal in this edition is not to define my mission or to share all the things I learned, the countless experiences or the profound depth of change I see in myself and in others. However, in the coming months, perhaps I can capture a little of what I saw. Perhaps you can see I lack direction in where I should begin. Perhaps I'll start at the end.
Coming Home
On October 8, 2008 around 8:00 PM I arrived in the Champaign airport. Six hours of travel was the most time I had spent alone in two years. But I learned something on my mission. . that is too RELAX. I complicate things without relaxation. The time passed quickly. I stayed in the moment. I was not preoccupied about what ifs and how will this play out. The only nervous anxious moment was approaching the escalator where I knew I would see my family. Family. My family. They've grown. Especially Addie and Caleb. Addie went from 4 months to two years and four months. Caleb of course is now taller than me. Nathan has improved reading. Gideon gives me the biggest hugs. Taryn now has some college under her belt and has learned many valuable lessons. Mom and Dad, perhaps a little more gray in the hair, but young, vibrant, full of energy, and the Gospel is still the center of the home.So in the airport were long awaited hugs and then after being released and in classic Tonkinson family style, we went for Custard. The main question I get is "How do you feel? " How are you adjusting? "How was your mission?" My answer for all three unspecifically is amazingly. I thought the adjustment back to normal life would be super hard. Learning to relax has paid off. There of course are things that are weird. When you are called to represent the Lord, you are entitled to a closeness to the Lord that is unlike anything else. Spiritual guidance is much easier to receive. I kind of described it to my parents, that now that I'm not a missionary, I feel like I'm suffocating. Like I used to breath in lots of air (the spirit) and that now, I'm breathing it through a straw. But, I am no longer called to do the same thing, therefore I am not permitted the same privileges. Not exactly the same anyway. The spirit is still present, but not as constant.Hearing music was weird. Watching my first movie after being home for a week was weird. Finding out that I could connect so quickly to thousands of people on Facebook is crazy. Having a robot that cleans our kitchen floor was confusing. Typing on an Apple is different. I don't have the same amount of purpose anymore. I have the purpose of preparing to meet my God. But, well, when you are on full time service for the Lord, every day is filled with purpose, everything you do is for His kingdom. And at home, you can do a lot of that. But much of what I do now lacks significance. There is much I must take care of. . .but it has little to do with helping others to come closer to Christ. Suddenly a rush of emotions comes back. Hmmm. .. let me try and define this. On the mission, the Spirit would come and remove irrationalities and because your separate from music and movies and much other media, you are disattached. . .i think that's the word. But I still can't decide. They say returned missionaries are weird for a while. . .and I can tell that I am. It's alright.
Returning to Writing
The above parts of the DHT was written I believe on Thursday. It is now Sunday. As I started to write a DHT I found the emotions connected a little strange and stopped. However, I spent the last couple hours rereading Harry Potter 6 (I couldn't remember it well enough to start book 7). J.K. Rowling is such a talented writer that I desired to sit down at the keyboard again and go at it. Today I gave my homecoming talk in Church. I talked about Missionary Work and the Gathering of Israel and I talk the Priest's Quorum class about Preach My Gospel, the missionary guidebook that gives great insight to studying, teaching, and becoming converted by the spirit. Last night I attended a singles ward party. I was pleased with myself. I introduced myself to everyone there and it wasn't too terribly awkward. Yet, I could sense my own weirdness as a returned missionary. .. .. returned missionary? Those words are almost too weird. Their implications are great. I completed one more of the adventures I spent my life planning for and it also means the next is impending.. .finding my next companion might we say. I once again find myself in limbo. Like the waiting place in Dr. Suess's book "Oh the Places You'll Go". Yet, I've decided to keep myself occupied. I'm taking a couple independent study classes through BYU to get ahead on credits before I go to BYU. I think I may look for a job. . .perhaps through the school district. Over the past two years, my mind has become more and more warm to the idea of teaching. It seems to call to me, though I still have my doubts. My personal feeling is that for me it would be a very rewarding job that I could enjoy. My questions hinge somewhat on supporting a family. Well, I guess that's all I have for now. To my friends in California, you have now become recipients of the DHT. This is pretty much my first contact with most of you. To you each I say hello and send my love. As a side note this DHT is formatted differently than normally. Usually I try and share things that might invite discussion from others. As I have not written any DHTs in two years, there are no responses to share. But feel free to share your thoughts and feelings as DHTs come your way. I also look forward to enjoying the commentaries and connections with old friends. If anyone has specific questions they would like me to address in the upcoming DHTs, feel free to send questions my way.
The Editor, Mark