The Daily Honky Tonk 175th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
175th Edition
May 29, 2009
4:42 PM
I’m taking a creative writing class in which I am supposed to write for 50 minutes a day 5 days a week. I’ve been enjoying that class a lot. One of the neat things is that for my homework, I can write a DHT. And so that is what I am trying to accomplish this morning. I was trying to write poetry, because that is the unit we are in, but I found myself too tired from going and watching the first showing of Pixar’s new movie “Up” last night.
The DHT doesn’t demand as much thinking time as does the poetry. Trying to think deep was making me sleepy! So here goes nothing.

On Right Wing Conservatives and Left Wing Liberals
Politics is one of those topics that I sometimes prefer to ignore, but don’t because I believe it is important to know what is going on. However, the contention and corruption that exists in the system, are factors that don’t please me. Granted, I’m not sure how much of that isn’t media hype and high emotions running outside of politicians. There has been for quite some time a mistrust of government. Corrupt government is a central part of many popular books, movies, and everyone enjoys talking about a scandal. I would be naïve to say there is no corruption, but I often wonder if it’s as much as everyone thinks or if because everyone thinks there is a lot, that politicians accept it as fact and go towards corruption.
When people ask me if I’m Democrat or Republican, I usually respond something similar to “Well, I guess I would generally lean more towards republican because of many conservative values, but I wouldn’t say I would never vote democrat. The morals of the candidate are very important.” One of the things that frustrates me in party politics is that it polarizes issues where I think we should be meeting somewhere in the middle. I would be most likely to vote for a candidate who tried to take what was good from both sides of the spectrum. However, we don’t really have that.
Candidates often seem to take the extremes of their parties platform- that is only generally speaking. On reflection, I’ve come to discover why that is. If we could lump everyone into three parties when it comes to politics, I would lump people into groups of Right Wing Conservative, Left Wing Liberals, and the Middle-grounders. The middle-grounders would actually be the largest group, they might hold some fairly strong opinions slanting in one direction or the other, but in general they don’t go for the extremes. The extreme end of Conservatives and Liberals would be groups that have large followings, but neither nearly as big as the middle-grounders. If this is in fact the case, why are things not more balanced? Well, it comes down to who actually cares. Middle-grounders accept things as they are, they try and look at things evenly. When it comes down to it they know there are fallacies in both major parties. They will vote for whichever fits more of their personal opinions, but they recognize there could be more agreement in the middle. Since there isn’t, and both sides contain some good things and some bad, they are content not to do anything. Extremists Left and Right polarize the issue in a very black and white way. They can rarely see the strengths of the other party’s argument. Suddenly, it is not an issue of merely voting, but rather a conquest not unlike the Holy Wars of the Middle Ages. Thank goodness they don’t try and resolve these issues by bloodshed. For liberal extremists, you have to make everyone be open minded . ..bending to the strengths of conservative values, would be putting ‘open mindedness” which would indeed be a crime, because that would be giving extreme conservatives some amount of rightness. As an extreme conservative, traditional values are threatened by the evil liberals. It doesn’t matter if a liberal has a good point because giving just a little would be giving liberals the open mindedness that they want and then they would think the conservatives agreed on that point. The emotions run so high and it becomes polarized. Their expressions become loud and very emotionally loaded, causing the opposing side to need to respond emotionally, causing both sides to polarize even more “We must be right because they are getting so upset about it, they wouldn’t get upset if they really believed they were right”. In the meantime, I just kind of think its all dumb.
Yet, as a Middle-grounder, how does one make a stand. If the middle-ground were to bring forth a significant voice, would something change? Or does one have to polarize something before anybody will notice it and talk about it? These are all questions that I haven’t come to an answer about. But, again, I’m a middle-grounder, its not so important. What can a President really do? They can’t write down laws and just make them happen, they have to go through a government. A Presidential campaign is not unlike a Student Council President, making promises that sound good, but aren’t feasible once you sit in office. No, students, your president will not be getting you another day off or new vending machines, its not in power. A U.S. President is not very different.

Movie Review- Pixar’s “Up”
I am constantly amazed that Pixar is able to steadily produce great film after great film. They not only amaze us showing off what their animation teams can do, but also by rich stories that are fun, entertaining, and meaningful. Pixar’s creative group is really just a group of excellent storytellers.
“Up” contains a very rich story. You kind of get the gist of the story from the previews. Old man, who wants to travel and adventure, causes his house to float by thousands of balloons and gets stuck with an annoying little kid. While the previews were hilarious and I did find much of the film to be quite funny, there are very serious overtones in this film. A couple times I found myself almost crying. Topics like death, the loneliness of old age, the profundity of loss, and the importance of faith to a promise were all serious themes that were explored in the rich story. One of my favorite parts about watching the movie was that it made me feel at different points that I was a kid again. As a little child one’s imagination soars free and the world is a place of adventure and excitement waiting to be discovered. “Up” successfully embodied that sense of wonder and amazement. All I’m really trying to say is that I highly recommend this movie.
The only thing I was disappointed about was that in the previews they announced Toy Story 3. . .I mean, really, that’s great news . . .but it’s not coming out till June 18, 2010.

Star Trek
Okay, so while I’m on movie reviews I should probably comment on Star Trek. That is another movie that is very much worth seeing. I think the thing that makes it such a good movie, is that it has such a talented cast, and a great script with great character development. Besides all that it is a good story and it’s settings and graphics are visually impressive and stimulating as well. The best description I could give of this movie is to compare it to the new Wolverine: X-Men Origins movie. Wolverine was entertaining, it had action, a decent story, and the graphics were pretty well done. However, after watching Star Trek, Wolverine seems like a half done project. I can’t pinpoint what makes the two movies different in their value, but I can describe what the difference feels like. Star Trek seems like it is a completed project, kind of like “Up”. It was a very well thought out production. Each scene has meaning and was a project that everyone gave their whole too. It is the difference between a C project and an A+ Project. Star Trek screams I’m A+ material, this film took some serious work.

Song Lyrics to close
“Under Control” by Parachute
“Because I’ve kept my heart under control,
But baby, all this time its taken its toll
Said I tried to but I can not back what’s deep in my soul”
*Everytime I include lyrics in the DHT, when I got to look at them, I am surprised how much meaning is lost without the music behind the words. It’s rather startling.

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 174th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
174th Edition
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
4:12 PM
Somehow waking up from a dream where two people close to me died, and then finding out in reality that one of my friends is engaged screamed to me for a DHT. I’m almost amazed that I’m taking time to do this. For the spring term I’m taking a Creative Writing Class, Fundamentals of Literary Criticism, and a Spanish Writing Class. . . Which pretty much equates to a LOT of writing. I’m really enjoying it, but sometimes it seems like reading and writing are all I do.
Okay, I can’t really say that is all I do. It’s spring time and I play a lot- tubing down the river, shooting hoops, volleyball, hikes, running, walks, and late night movies. I like how people have play time now since most people are either just working or taking fewer credits. Anyway, let’s officially start this.

Art Therapy
So, I’ve avoided using the DHT as an emotional release since making it home from the mission. Since that was one of the main purposes in high school, I don’t have that need as much anymore. Granted, I still go through episodes, but I am not as quick to want to share them with everyone. I’ve become a big fan of cognitive therapy which focuses in on changing irrational thoughts and were the basis for the crazy papers that my mission president gave me. Still at times, I’ve just wanted to spill my feelings out in words. Playing piano and guitar can be very effective, but I still find writing to be even more effective in releasing emotion. Yesterday I completed my first draft of a very sad story . . . And as I was discovering what the one character’s past was really supposed to be, I almost couldn’t write it .. .but I knew what needed to happen to explain everything else. I was thinking about writers like Earnest Hemingway and wondered if they used writing as therapy; I think there is a good chance.

A Smidgen of Poetry
I am part way through the poetry unit in our class for Fundamentals of Literature and we are start poetry in our Creative Writing Class tomorrow. I have not been fond of poetry in general. If it is to hard to abstract an overly abstract meaning from a poem then I find it frustrating. And while I do get an urge to read a good book, I rarely have the urge to sit down and read a collection of poems. However, I’ve found some poems that I really like and I thought I would share some with you.

**This poem is by my friend Lamora. I know Lamora from the singles ward in Champaign-Urbana. When I learned that she was a writer we started sharing pieces of writing. She gave me permission to share some of her writings with you. For today, I chose this poem.

You Are What You Eat-Lamora Delp

I sit quietly,
my eyes devouring
the night outside
my window.

I am the ration of night herself.
Deep and forgiving
and fleeting.

I am the immortal chocolate oak,
reaching, stretching, clawing
upwards.

I am a sugar crystal of star,
bright, and alone.
Sometimes millions
and millions
of years
away.

I am the sliver of moon.
A white, chewed-off
bit
of fingernail, scratching
the dark.

Epitaph by Timothy Steele
Here lies Sir Tact, a diplomatic fellow
Whose silence was not golden, but just yellow.
**I love how Steele points out the dangers of being tactful to an extreme.

Anonymous Victorian poem without a name
Here’s a little ditty that you really ought to know,
Horses “sweat” and men “perspire,” but ladies only “glow.”

Recital by John Updike

ROGER BOBO GIVES
RECITAL ON TUBA
-Headline in the Times

Eskimos in Manitoba,
Barracuda off Aruba,
Cock an ear when Roger Bobo
Starts to solo on the tuba.
Men of every station – Pooh-Bah,
Nabob, bozo, toff, and habo -
Cry in unison, “Indubi-
Tably, there is simply nobo-

Dy who oompahs on the tubo,
Solo, quite like Roger Bobo.”

**I picked this one for its ability to emphasize meaning and the sound of a tuba through the sounds of each word choice rather than there specific meaning.

I think that is enough writing for today. I enjoyed it for the time being. However, I’ve been sitting in the same spot in the library for the last couple hours and it’s time to move.
The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 173rd Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
173rd Edition
February 20, 2009
2:26 AM
Hello again. How long have you been standing there? Sorry, I didn’t see you.

I got some spare time on my hands and felt like writing. Writing makes me happy. However, the article from this DHT that I’m going to recommend isn’t written by me. It’s called “Love: A Poet’s Nightmare”. Please read it. It’s an awesome piece of writing. I think you’ll enjoy it.

A couple random notes:
I just got into play acting in 4 or 5 different roles! I didn’t think I was going to get to do a play. . .but this is perfect. The play is Bertolt Brecht’s “Mother Courage and Her Children”. I had 3 and 1/2 hours of play practice tonight and loved every minute of it. I’ve missed theater a lot. I love it because it helps me to relax and loosen up as an individual.
I watched “No Reservations” tonight and was very impressed. I love movies about “control freaks” and stories that focus on the individual getting past their controlling natures. Naturally I connect with the control freak and try to get an outside look at myself and how I can handle situations better. I’m not so concerned about removing my control freakishness as I was in the past. . . I’m just concerned about keeping it in check and being able to recognize it and react to it in different ways.
On sleeping. You will notice that this email is coming to you from the early morning. The other evening I laid in by bed from 10-11:30 without my mind racing and I couldn’t fall asleep. I got up and talked to people till I thought I was finally tired enough to sleep. I laid back down around 2 and when I checked my phone a couple minutes before I drifted off it was almost three. . .ergh. Last night I slept 9 hours. . .and tonight, I was alive again and will unfortunately be tired at the time when I need to be awake :(

**Note about the author: Jenika Beck is in the singles ward in Champaign Urbana. Although, seeing as she got engaged on Valentine’s Day, I guess she won’t be there for too much longer. She is a graduate from Yale and she is continuing her education at the U of I. I loved this piece of writing and got her permission to include it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Love: A Poet's Nightmare- Jenika Beck
Friday, February 13, 2009 at 1:25am
Have you ever been in a group discussion and thought of an excellent point, only to have it swiped by someone who was a nanosecond faster at raising their hand than you? Or read something in a book and came up with a really great idea, only to keep reading and find that very idea detailed in the following paragraph? (Hey! How dare they print my thoughts!) And name me one thing more irritating than the car in front of you swooping down upon that perfect parking spot merely because they happened to be ahead of you. Yes, infinitely irksome.

Yet such is my life since I fell in love.

I became aware of this when I sat down to write a Valentine's Day poem for my Danny. I poured out my soul only to find the result no more creative than your average Backstreet Boys ballad. Do I really have nothing better to offer than the syrupy musical refuse of the 1990s?

Well, no, but....all the good stuff is taken. Poets have been robbing the shelves of the English language for centuries. First, they stole all the obvious ‘feeling’ words (love, tenderness, kindness, sweetness), and the terms of endearment (sweetheart, sugarpie, honeybunch), then they made off with the simple analogies and anthropomorphisms (sweeter than honey, time stood still), and rounded up the extended metaphors (I miss you like the fields miss the rain). Alarmed by their dwindling stock, they became desperate and started raking up the made-up words, like "snookums." So in sum, when Robert Burns wrote of how his love is like a red red rose, he ruined it all for the rest of us. Thanks a lot, Robbie – how long did you have to chew on your fountain pen before that flash of inspiration? No one would say "O my love is like a red red hydrangea bush." Forget literary genius, these folks just got there first.

The more I become aware of this phenomenon, the more disturbing it all seems. Take, for example, the unsettling trend of adding the suffix "-poo" to the end of a beloved's name, as in "Frankie-poo." Or worse - a poem Danny once quoted to me: "Sho' as the vines twine round the stump, you are my darlin', sugar lump."

Does anyone else sense the direness of the situation? We cannot even use the words 'lump' or 'poo' without plagiarizing someone else's affection!

I thought for a moment that I would take refuge in the nethermost depths of Websters Unabridged Dictionary, only to find that some smart-aleck named Shakespeare stole all those about 500 years ago (the cretin!). Well he wasn't exactly working from a blank slate either. Go read the Roman legend of Pyramus and Thisbe and then tell me what a stroke of genius you think Romeo and Juliet was. Shakespeare lucked out because the Romans died and their language with them (and note: the Romans pilfered the idea from the Greeks). And for the record, I happen to have an answer for Shakespeare’s timeless query "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" No you shall not! Leave something for the rest of us, man!

Is it my fault that I arrived late on the literary scene, only to watch those last crumbs of phrases like "How sweet it is to be loved by you" or "I got you, babe" snatched from my famished mouth, with only the residue of a tired cliché left upon my lips? I wish I had been the first to fall in love, so that my pen could have gushed with depth of feeling, instead of falling on its knees in a desert of available originality.

So, to heck with it. Since I apparently can't come up with anything that hasn't been said for centuries, to Danny I simply offer a few lines from that great smart-aleck, William Shakespeare:

As easy might I from my self depart
As from my soul which in thy breast doth lie.
That is my home of love; if I have ranged,
Like him that travels I return again.

Or the same thing said more modernly by that standard bearer of high culture, 98 Degrees:

"Cause I'm losin' my mind when you're not around
It's all because of you."

I love you, Danny. Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet hydrangea bush. (Sorry, "rose" was taken.)


A Smattering of the News- Mark Tonkinson
At no time in my life have I regularly watched the news. Nor have I ever read the newspaper on a regular basis. I do enjoy reading from Newsweek. I also will read anything anyone points me towards from the Wallstreet Journal (well, I guess technically my dad is the only one who points me there) and I will read any article from major magazines people point me two. . .but two of them have recently caught my attention.
The first was an article that my mom saw on the computer while we were talking on Skype. Alec Greven, a nine year old wrote a book that is doing very well in it’s sales rate called “How to talk to Girls”. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the opportunity to read it. . .but I do know from the article that its a 9 year olds advice on dating. Does it scare anybody else that something like that can get published? Even if printed with a chuckle and a knowing smile; something makes me uneasy about that. I’m not sure what it is. Nor do I suppose it matters. Perhaps its the fulfillment of the prophecies that the wise would be astounded by the last days! :)
*to find this article just type Alec Greven “How to talk to Girls” into google and you’ll find a bunch. Speaking of Google I knew that it is used as a verb in English, however, I did not know that it was a verb in Spanish- the word is googliar. Goo-glee-are is the pronunciation- who knew?

While in reality, that one only brought a discomfort similar to that which one sometimes experiences on a first day, another article bothered me at a more profound level. The article comes from our friends in the United Kingdom. The title of the article, “Is it selfish to have more than two children?”. Now, before reading the rest of what I have to say, I want you to take a moment and try and think in what area of life you might be selfish in. Got it? Okay, well the thesis of the article, or the controversy that is presented is that it’s selfish to have two children because of the damage it does to the eco-system. I was astounded that I could even be reading an article. It sounds like something I would read in a literary work like “1984”, you know, like, a book you read about a hypothesized world where the humans make vastly different decisions about life that kind of bother you at the core. In “1984” it presents a “Utopia”. . .but not really a Utopia. If I had seen this presented as part of the plot for the Twilight Zone, I would have thought it was a creative story. Seeing as it actually appeared in International News is quite disconcerting.
* http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7884138.stm


Top Ten Songs
**Music definitely doesn’t have the same appeal that it used too. But I still have some favorites that stay in circulation for a while. These are my top ten. I like doing an occasional top ten list. I did not try and put them into an actual order. . I just listed them as they came to my mind.
The Fray- Syndicate- I actually like this one purely for the sound- somehow I still haven’t listened to the words for its meaning. That’s way unusual for me.
Don’t I Hold You – Wheat – Here is another song that I picked for sound-I watched Elizabethtown a couple weeks ago and I loved the feelings that it brought to the scenes.
White Horse- Taylor Swift – I’ve had this one stuck in my head. . .I love her imagery (no Caleb, don’t confuse that with her image, though, yes, she is beautfiul :) ).
Q- Cartel- “Still it always seems just like, I’ll never know . .. If you’re not getting answers, ask better questions” Or ask someone whose interested in talking to you.
When it Rains-Paramore “You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole and convinced yourself that its not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore” Its good to remember when I get in mental ruts that its generally me digging the pit. When I’m smart I stop digging and start building stairs back out .. .I take charge of my mind!
All We Are-One Republic- One of the things I love about music is best displayed here. In the intro, as best I can tell he plays a total of about six notes on the piano, but it produces this epic sound by hitting the same notes in an interesting rhythm, plus I love the imagery in his words “I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong, black and white didn’t fit you, and all along, you were shaded with patience”
A Little Too Not Over You-David Archuleta – it’s like John Mayer’s “Back to You” accept “Back to You” its a better song in my opinion. However, its one of those songs that struck an emotional chord that resonates in all of us at some time or another.
Touch My Hand- David Archuleta – Simple Driving Piano and Percussion- the formula is simple. . .plus, it’s about taking chances on a relationship “Try to reach out to you touch my hand, reach out as far as you can, only me, only you and the band. Can’t let the music stop, can’t let this feeling end, cause if I do it will all be over I’ll never see you again.” I’m not a very big risk taker when it comes to girls and relationships. Somehow, I’ve convinced one of my roommates that I’m a “Pimp”. Granted I’m not a fan of the word “Pimp”- because it doesn’t describe me and it implies a horrible use of women. Stepping off my moral soapbox, I think it’s funny because I’m still the same. . .I’m what one of my companions defined as “the best friend guy”. I still seek lots of girl friendships.
Time After Time-Quietdrive (not Cindy Lauper)- It’s interesting to think that Cindy Lauper produced several fairly big hits seeing as I think she has such a weird voice. . .but I asked the same thing about Modest Mouse and this one other song on the radio called Paper Planes by M.I.A. (I just looked it up so I could find the name, and as I took a little time to get past the wierdness of her voice, I realized it not only sounds strange, but also is in the least not very uplifting.) Enough for long side notes. I love this cover. I think it better conveys the emotional complexities (those two words are academic fluff!)
Learning to Fall-Boys like Girls- this is definitely the most recent addition to my top ten list. With just the title ideas emerge like “Falling with Style”, “Losing Gracefully” etc.

Some Favorite Quotes as of Late

Hitch: Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

**I watched Hitch again recently. Will Smith is one of my favorite actors by far. Not only is he a very talented individual, but I’ve never heard anything bad about him. That impresses me.
I like Hitch, simply because it gives me such confidence. Come on, if Albert can win over the heart of Ms. Alegra Cole, then what guy can’t sweep a girl off her feet? Ha ha . ..reality is a little more complicated, but there are some very poignant truths. Like, the whole part about women lying . .. It sure is refreshing when we say what we really mean rather than burying it in our half truths for the sake of politeness. Granted, its a reflection of our society and our more closed culture. It’s a method of not stepping on each other’s toes. Kind of like we prefer to remain oblivious to our neighbors because we don’t want them to think us weird or a bother. Ha!
Realizing that writing can come off different, I’m kind of laughing at things, fully conscientious of the many times I conform to the same societal standards of attitudes and responses.

“Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around.”-Taylor Swift

**I’m glad that she stands up and doesn’t let the chivalrous guy back into her life!

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 172nd Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
172nd Edition
Sunday, January 18, 2009
10:25 PM

Hmmm. I’ve been taking things way too seriously. I’ve been taking life way too seriously. I’m trying to run life at a sprint rather than as a marathon.

BYU is amazing. I love it here. I love my classes. I love my professors.

I was going to write because I’ve been thinking a lot. I think I’m going to write about what I need to do, and that is not take life so seriously.

Living in the Present
There are three time based lenses through which we can live our life. We can live in the past, in the present, or in the future; or perhaps I should add a fourth one because idealistically you learn from the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. Realistically, I kick myself for the past, enjoy a few moments, and I obsess over making the future excellent.
Today we went to see my Uncle Brent and Aunt Kori in Salt Lake. They are a really fun couple with a beautiful new little girl named Samantha. They were teasing me for not skipping my two classes to ski with Dad and Caleb on Friday. “I never wish I would have studied more or spent more time in class” Kori teased. . ..especially not for the likes of Physical Science and Music 101. The teasing, and other discussion about college life, caused me to pause and look at myself.
I did one thing really good in coming to BYU. Instead of trying to predict what college life was going to be, I’ve just enjoyed watching it reveal itself to me. At the same time, I’m realizing that I’m trying to run college at a rate by which I will be married, graduated, have a solid job, AND have a kid on the way in a year. That’s just ridiculous. Ha ha. I’m trying to laugh at myself.. . .but its kind of sick.
I’m always trying to prepare myself to get the most out of the future. But if your always doing that, you can’t have any presents to get the most out of.
My current roommate and former missionary companion Scott, said to me once as a missionary; “Elder Tonkinson, when you are relaxed you are the most fun person to be around, we have so much fun. But when your stressed, it stresses me out.” Everytime I get stressed, I think about that. I try and relax myself so I can be fun.
I can feel myself tightening up as I start to go into sprint mode. Let’s see, to complete my major, I need these classes, the quickest I can take them is in how few semesters? Run. If I’m really careful about who I date and I only date girls who I could see myself dating, then I could get married in the next year or a little bit more. Run. Run. I need to get a job next semester so I can save money to be married, to have a family, and to really support myself without any help from the parents. Run. Run. Run. Faster. Faster. Faster. Suddenly I start asking what I need to cut out. Do I need to cut out music? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with music. I can’t see myself making a fulltime profession out of it. I don’t want to be flirtatious and playful. . .or I might send the wrong signal to a girl I’m not interested in. Suddenly I tie myself to some imagined future, to some imagined outcome that I’m trying to control. The control freak comes out in me. I mean come on. . .. I couldn’t honestly cut out music just because it will get in the way of me speeding through school or because I don’t think I’ll make a profession out of it.
In these moments, taking life too seriously, I start to try and view myself. The character I see is eccentric, a little weird, excited when there is something deep to talk about, rather boring and non conversational on a basic conversational level, so driven in progressing forward that it scares people. (It’s what I hear when people tell me “to enjoy it”, “to not be too set on getting married” and other things .. .lots of people have said that. It scares me that what seems weird to other people often seems rational to me.
What I’m doing right now is what my English Professor calls spewing “emotional vomit”. Ergh.
This is the consequence of taking things too seriously; I start to not like myself. I start to see, or imagine the worst parts of me that everyone else must see in me, but not tell me because they are polite. You know what I’m talking about. .. .like my Grammy Tonkinson. She has severe paranoia (which has been lessened slightly by alzhiemer’s.) We may talk to her and tell her that her fears are irrational, but we don’t walk around saying, Grammy you are paranoid! Nor do you tell the one really awkward kid at school who seems clueless about it, that he’s awkward .. ..obliviousness is bliss, right? I just find myself trying to guess all the things people see that they don’t want to tell me about.
Now relax.
Rationale tells me this. No matter what I am really like, every person will percieve me a little differently. The same thing that some people will love me for, others will despise and find to be annoying. Therefore it does very little good to worry about what others think or interpret from your actions. Recognizing and acting on my most deep motives will allow me to be happy, despite how others may view it.
Rationale also tells me that life is not a race, and everything will come in due time. Because I trust in God, all things will work together for my good. Trying to do it all on my timing and in my way will stifle growth and will stop the Atonement and the Lord’s hand from working in my life.
Thirdly, being serious about life is an addiction, and like all other addictions it leads me to misery. So quit it.
Fourth, there is a lot of time ahead of me. It doesn’t, can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, all be done by tomorrow. Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and to enjoy life. If I’m not enjoying it, I’m doing something wrong.
Fifth, there really is very little I can control. When I do try and control everything around me, Heavenly Father allows it to happen the way it was supposed to, despite my best efforts to have it my way.
Sixth, the scriptures and my Patriarchal Blessing do contain the promises and directions for my life .. However, they do not need to be completely understood, fulfilled by tomorrow or anytime soon. I just need to be faithful.
Finally, I need to come up with some new coping ideas for pulling out of stress into seriousness. I need to figure out what has worked before. Experimenting and doing things that I wouldn’t normally often allows me to better understand my limits, and to discover where I’m actually more relaxed and comfortable than I assume. Not thinking at all about the future. Spending significant time pushing out thoughts of the future is often a great stress reliever to me. I already spend so much time planning for it, that I know I’ll still be headed in that direction. In fact, just by trusting in the Lord I will move in the right direction. And if at some point I think too little of the future, I know that I’ll be prompted back in the right direction. The Spirit never lets one stray too much if you are always trying to give heed to it. That was a comforting lesson from my mission and probably the most powerful for relaxing. If I let go of trying to take over everything in my life. If I just continued doing good, being good, and went out trying my best, I didn’t have to preoccupy myself over doing every little thing just right. The Atonement became an enabling power, allowing me to live. To really live, to really enjoy the moments, instead of worrying about the moments. Faith based living brings joy. I know that.
I feel happier now. If I can keep that idea in my head, I’ll do fine for a few months. Just live life. Keep doing the right things and all the little things will work out. Life does turn on small hinges, small things do have eternal consequences . ..but because of the Atonement, and because I am following the Savior, fretting over the small things will not help me progress and shows too much confidence in myself and my abilities and not His power and His ability to guide my life.

Okay, I’m done. This was a good writing session. Writing is a great form of therapy :).

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 171st Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
171st Edition
Monday, December 22, 2008
1:00 AM

Today, it is officially cold in Illinois. Its the first time I’ve actually thought it overly bitter. At the same time, the cold has brought good things with it; the snow, friends, my parents anniversary, cuddling up with good books and movies, and ice sliding on the driveway with Caleb.
I started reading various authors commentaries on writing. The result would seem to be great feelings of inadequacy, and also the realization that there are thousands of people trying to do the same thing. Just like music. But I do not find it a good enough reason to quit writing. And, well, I’ve started again pondering plots for novels. One benefit of reading the commentaries was I discovered that my fatal mistake in trying to write a book has been that its never been thoroughly planned. Like music, I’ve always considered writing a discovery activity.. . When I write music, I tend to sit at a piano and play around, and rather than writing a song, I feel like I’m uncovering a buried treasure. When it rings true, when it, for a lack of better words “speaks to me”, then I keep it as part of the song. There is a song that I started to write in High School, and just a week or so ago, I discovered another part of it.. . .I part that I have been missing and trying to find. I could feel the lack for it.
As I write these things, I started to wander to whom these words will appeal, and also to whom will they cause to turn their heads. We all interpret the world a bit differently I suppose.
Today, I actually am pleased to announce that another writer has contributed to this DHT. A dear friend and mentor, Scott Wilson recently wrote a piece about his Thanksgiving trip. With his permission, I share this with view. I do enjoy his writing, particularly because of the funny twists he gives to his personal insights on life happenings.

A Texas Thanksgiving- by Scott Wilson
As many of you know, we spent Thanksgiving with Jon and Lisa in Texas. This was our first trip to the Lone Star State since leaving Austin in 2002 for the greener grass of Illinois. One of the nice things about living in Colorado is that we are within a day's drive of all of our family members (with the notable exception of a couple of wayward Michigander families). We made trips earlier this year to Utah and Idaho, and we spent Thanksgiving a few years ago in Kansas, so we decided to invite ourselves over to the home of our favorite Texan family for the week of Thanksgiving.

We arrived Saturday night after an admittedly long drive made slightly shorter by Diana obeying the "spirit" of the speed-limit laws. As you can imagine, for cousins that had not seen each other for nearly a year, it took our kids a while to warm up to the Schaack boys. This lasted for about 1.2 seconds, after which time our kids played together as if they had never been apart. We like the Schaack boys. Caleb has quite a commanding presence for a four-year-old. He will often talk to those around him, including adults, as though he is the one in charge. We decided that he will likely be the CEO of a major corporation someday (or some comparable position). And Jacob is just so darn cute. Our bedtime routine included my telling episodes of the classic tale of Sam and the Magic Blanket, and Caleb correcting me when I made slight continuity errors in the story.

Fortunately, Jon had the week off, so we played the whole week. Jon and Lisa took us on an extensive tour of all of the exciting tourist attractions of the Dallas area which included the following: the X in the road marking the spot where Kennedy was assassinated. After that, we spent much of the rest of our time visiting the playgrounds in the area. We went to a total of six playgrounds, and our kids could not get enough of them. This was partly because of the sunshiny 70s weather we enjoyed for most of the week.

We were pleasantly surprised to find out that the Phillips, our good friends from Austin, just happen to be living in the Schaack's ward. Jared Jepson, my friend from high school, is also now living in the Dallas area, and we took advantage of that fact by talking on the phone with Jared several times, but never actually coordinating a time to meet. As you know, though, talking with someone on the phone when you're in the same metro area is much better than talking on the phone with them when you're a couple states apart. Besides, Jared and I are related, he being my sister's husband's sister's husband's brother, so I'm sure we'll have the opportunity to meet up with him in the future.

So we had a great time with the Schaacks. The best part of the entire trip, of course, was the $1.55-per-gallon gas. We just wanted to drive around in circles for a while to keep burning that cheap, cheap gas. To make up for the money we saved in gas, I decided to get a speeding ticket on the way home. This occurred near a small town in west Texas where the local government has apparently decided that the only way for them to balance their budget is to give huge fines to drivers passing by their small town who are going nine mph over the limit, smugly ignoring the well known rule that policemen are only supposed to give tickets to those going at least ten over (which is why my cruise control was set at nine over). Regardless, we were happy to make our substantial contribution towards the city park's new merry-go-round.

OK, the actual best part of the trip was the reaffirmation that we have a great family, and boy do we enjoy spending time with them. Lisa is amazing with her creative and artistic and homemaking skills. She makes Martha Stewart look like . . . like an engineer (for lack of a better comparison). And Jon kept us entertained with emergency-room stories (accompanied by vivid photographs) involving teeth (or a lack thereof) and blood and gore.

Being as it is the holiday season, my company recently gave us the cheerful news that approximately 16% of ULA employees will be laid off next year. I'm not worried, though. A company would never lay off an engineer whose football team is currently ranked #3 in the nation. If that's not job security, I don't know what is.

Speaking of college sports, I've mentioned in the past that one of the great benefits of having attended three universities is that at any one time, at least one of my teams will be doing well. I've recently realized that there is an even greater benefit. In almost any situation I can instantly make an enemy. You see, I've attended universities in the Mountain West, Big 12, and Big 10 conferences. It is quite frequent that people I meet have attended a school in one of those conferences, and it helps that at least two of my schools (BYU and Texas) regularly beat up on their conference foes. For instance, yesterday I attended a presentation by a company made up mostly of University of Wyoming graduates who were trying to sell our company some software. When I mentioned I was a BYU alumnus, the CEO of the company instantly started talking about how badly the Cougars beat the Cowboys this year, and said we might as well call the meeting off—that he couldn't sell his software to a Cougar. That's the kind of immediate animosity that I am capable of creating with almost anyone.

**Thanks Scott :)

Seeing the Value in Others
The following story is from a talk by Vaughn J. Featherstone “A Man After God’s Own Heart”. I found it on my mission and used It often for teaching purposes. I like it because it teaches many valuable principles. My favorite principles to discuss surrounding this story are the potential that we have as God’s children, seeing others as God’s children, drawing out the good in people, and the power of love inspired service. I think the story will speak well enough for itself.

Marian Wright Edelman told the story of Jean Thompson, who was a teacher:

On the first day of school, Jean Thompson told her students, "Boys and girls, I love you all the same." Teachers lie. Little Teddy Stollard was a boy Jean Thompson did not like. He slouched in his chair, didn't pay attention, his mouth hung open in a stupor, his eyes were always unfocused, his clothes were mussed, his hair unkempt, and he smelled. He was an unattractive boy and Jean Thompson didn't like him.

Teachers have records. And Jean Thompson had Teddy's. First grade: "Teddy's a good boy. He shows promise in his work and attitude. But he has a poor home situation." Second grade: "Teddy is a good boy. He does what he is told. But he is too serious. His mother is terminally ill." Third grade: "Teddy is falling behind in his work; he needs help. His mother died this year. His father shows no interest." Fourth grade: "Teddy is in deep waters; he is in need of psychiatric help. He is totally withdrawn."

Christmas came, and the boys and girls brought their presents and piled them on her desk. They were all in brightly colored paper except for Teddy's. His was wrapped in brown paper and held together with scotch tape. And on it, scribbled in crayon, were the words, "For Miss Thompson from Teddy." She tore open the brown paper and out fell a rhinestone bracelet with most of the stones missing and a bottle of cheap perfume that was almost empty. When the other boys and girls began to giggle she had enough sense to put some of the perfume on her wrist, put on the bracelet, hold her wrist up to the children and say, "Doesn't it smell lovely? Isn't the bracelet pretty?" And taking their cue from the teacher, they all agreed.

At the end of the day, when all the children had left, Teddy lingered, came over to her desk and said, "Miss Thompson, all day long, you smelled just like my mother. And her bracelet, that's her bracelet, it looks real nice on you, too. I'm really glad you like my presents." And when he left, she got down on her knees and buried her head in her chair and she begged God to forgive her.

The next day when the children came, she was a different teacher. She was a teacher with a heart. And she cared for all the children, but especially those who needed help. Especially Teddy. She tutored him and put herself out for him.

By the end of the year, Teddy had caught up with a lot of the children and was even ahead of some. Several years later, Jean Thompson got this note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

I'm graduating and I'm second in my high school class. I wanted you to be the first to know. Love, Teddy.

Four years later she got another note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

I wanted you to be the first to know. The university has not been easy, but I like it. Love, Teddy Stollard.

Four years later, there was another note:

Dear Miss Thompson:

As of today, I am Theodore J. Stollard, M.D. How about that? I wanted you to be the first to know. I'm going to be married in July. I want you to come and sit where my mother would have sat, because you're the only family I have. Dad died last year.

And she went and she sat where his mother should have sat because she deserved to be there.

[Deval L. Patrick, "Struggling for Civil Rights Now," Vital Speeches of the Day 61, no. 3 (November 15 1994):93­p;94]

I think that is the kind of thing we talk about when we talk about having a heart like unto God's own heart. Otherwise we'll live like the person in this little verse by Henry Drummond:

I lived for myself, I thought for myself,
For myself, and none beside--
Just as if Jesus had never lived,
As if He had never died.

[The Greatest Thing in the World (New York: Thomas Y. Crowell Company, n.d.), p. 40]


It’s late because we just got home from picking up my Aunt Kristl (my dad’s sister). It’s good to have her with us. It was weird to see the airport again. And I’m going to see it again soon.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 170th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
170th Edition
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
10:17 PM


This DHT has been sitting on my new MacBook Pro for two days waiting for me to get the address book updated to this computer. Yay! It’s finally done. Which makes me very happy. In the meantime, I’ve also finally gotten a cell phone. I found out that I am without planning scheduled to be in a class with one of my best friends and I’m getting excited to go to school after the holidays. Snow is covering everything and I love it. Maybe I’ll get into the habit of writing more often again. Especially now that things are more convieniently in one place.
Oh, I was trying to figure out how I was going to effectively budget my life without paying too much for a good computer program. I was doing my research and found out that Quicken has a free online service that you can directly attach to your account. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a beginning budgeting program. It has a nice little program that helps you see where you are spending your money and it also has a goals program that allows you to set your budget for items and can send you emails to warn you if your going to go over or are getting close. Just go to www.quicken.com and look for the Quicken Online :)

The ABC’s of My Life
Amy and Alyssa- I saw Alyssa after Thanksgiving and Amy comes home December 18th. It’s good to have my Champaign girls again.

Baptisms- Krysta Hanson and Britt Grove were just recently baptized in the Champaign singles ward. They are both awesome people. . .I’ve enjoyed getting to know them, as I have the rest of the Singles Ward. For purely social reasons, I could definitely stay in the Singles Ward here. Ha ha, but then, something I came to understand better about myself on my mission, is that I could be happy almost anywhere based purely on social things. . ..there are cool people everywhere.

Consuming- How I’ve begun to start to think of my new MacBook Pro and computers in general. In the movie Wall-E we see a place where in future society people live in chairs where they don’t see past the projected computer screen in front of their faces. They are fat, because they can do everything in their chair. They can talk, order things, travel, talk to people, whatever. An increasing amount of my interests and daily activities can be done on a computer. I can write, I can study online courses, go shopping, I can learn new guitar songs (from YouTube and tablature), I can communicate with others, I can do research, and now I don’t need to take a stereo and all my CDs to college to have my music. With so many productive things to do on a computer, and just as many distracting things that are fun like games, movies, and watching whole TV Episodes, I’ve started to feel like its consuming my life. It’s very efficient, and I don’t think I waste as much time as I used to. However, I do often feel like I’ve been in front of it for too long.

Dark Knight, The- The New Batman movie is rather intense. It’s rating includes a statement that it is rated PG-13 for “some menace” . I kind of laughed when I saw that. But I understood that it was referring to the Joker. The movie is very dark and the menace quite disturbing (to me at least). However, I thought it was a genius script. Interestingly, the person who said the most truly profound things were The Joker. The film made poignant remarks on motivations, on right and wrong and where the lines blend, on what is virtue, and on humanity in general. I love how The Joker can’t be bought, whose motivation is for the sake of doing things. If virtue is “doing good for only the sake of doing good”, we see the opposite in a man who doest bad for the very sake of enjoying the bad. The Joker also makes some great points about being in control and out of control. He uses peoples desires to control a situation to accomplish his tasks. When I speak of this movie, I will say that I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love the genious in it. . . .but the darkness of it kept me up watching something more pleasant to return to my insides to a “happy medium” (can someone remind me where that idea is from? “happy medium” I think its from Madeline L’engle’s “A Wrinkle in Time” but I can’t remember.

Ears- I laughed the other day when my Mom told me that I’m definitely the child who has a telephone growing out of his ear. Something we’ve taken into consideration while looking for a cell phone.

Frumpy- Scotts Johns word for me. I’m so excited that he comes home and gets to be my room mate.

Gifts by Ursula K. LeGuin is a really good book that makes some interesting observations about gifts. What is a gift? Is it’s value dependent on the user? It’s a good book, with beautiful prose, and is a short read as well. I highly recommend it. Oh, I guess it would fall under the fiction/fantasy category.

Holiday with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn addressed one of my favorite expanded insights on the mission. Before I left on the mission, I thought a lot in black and white. I’m quite confident I still think in a lot of black and white. ..but its significantly less. The insight I finally understood was how in many situations there isn’t one right answer ..there are many. For some reason I used to think that as everyone neared perfection, truth would be the basis for there decision, and ultimately, that would mean they would all make the same decision. On my mission I finally came to understand that this is not a cookie cutter plan .. .we are not cookie dough all approaching the same shaped cookie. In our eternal identity there is personality and character and that will always be with us. It doesn’t detract from perfection .... .Joseph Smith taught that the Lord gives us revelation adapted to our circumstances. .. I assume circumstances includes our personalities and those of the people around us. So acting perfectly would not assume that there is one right answer for the situation. .because it changes according to the people. The truths like love, patience, virtue, etc., don’t change. . But revelation helps us to understand how to use those truths in our situation. In Holiday Cary Grant is going to marry, but eventually discovers that his spouse and he have different ideas about finances. At first he tries resolve it by deciding to follow the girl’s philosophy, but then he discovers he can’t really do it and she can’t change for him. In a former time, I would have seen the girl as wrong because my philosophy on life is closer to Cary Grant’s. At this point I recognize both as fine and appropriate for the individual and that the best answer for them was not getting married.

It’s a Wonderful Life- about a week ago we watched this movie as a family. I forgot how much I love this movie. The message is so positive. It just makes you want to get up and enjoy life and bless others lives.

Jimmy John’s- I had my first sandwich from there the other evening. “Subs so fast you’ll freak” means that you don’t sit around in Subway, in fact, I think they generally finished within 20-30 seconds of the order. I was impressed .. . .but as those who were there know, not “obsessed” :)

Kentucky still remains to be one of my favorite places. Nostalgic for sure.

Love is a decision set aside from attraction, enjoyment, and hormones. “Enchanted” makes some great observations on love.

Money- I’m about to go off and be a poor college student! I’m really excited! The other day I was talking to someone about dating (an activity which at this point I find myself a little terrified of) and the girl commented that she didn’t like going on dates unless she was interested. She felt it disingenuous to have someone spending there money on her. I wandered to myself how many girls use guys for there money. And I have to admit, my own philosophies I’m hoping will counter that. I’m don’t want to spend lots of money on dates. I’m not going to have a lot of money, I don’t plan on it, and I don’t want the girl to think otherwise. Financial security is important to me .. .having an excess of money is not. I truly believe that how much money you have is not about how much you earn, but how much you spend. I want to be a teacher, and I want to marry a girl who wants to stay home with the kids. Doing that on a teacher’s salary is going to require good financial skills and a great deal of sacrifice. But with it should come rewards of the simplicity of not having too much in the house and if financially stable then there shouldn’t be concerns for the money. Removing black and white thinking allowed me to see that for some families, and some girl’s personalities it can be very beneficial for them to work. Which allowed me to accept that I can enjoy my own philosophies and others can enjoy theirs.

Not too seriously will I take myself and life. A friend and family member, suggested that I beward of “analysis paralysis”. . .overthinking and freezing up on decisions. I thought it was brilliant :)

Orange Crush- I learned something cool when I was visiting my grandparents for Thanksgiving. Orange Crush used to have real bits of orange in it! Hence the name.

Picking college courses, picking where to live, picking what to do with my life, and in time picking who I will marry. There are a lot more decisions to be made in normal life.

Quests I’m currently on- I want to start a band at BYU. I am on a quest for a good story idea. And I’m on a quest to continue overcoming the irrational thought processes that occasionally plague my existence.

Risk Taking- So I’ve decided its a good idea to take more risks than I have in the past. Some of the more recent risks I’ve taken are riding a motorcycle, attempting to ride a horse after several failed attempts, and well, I was going to go see my first concert. . Then the concert was cancelled due to the singer getting sick . .. Oh well. Its been good for me to do things I wasn’t sure I would be comfortable with. Even little things like watching some episodes of The Office. I was always so careful of every little decision. I don’t think I am as much anymore. The crazy papers helped me see that taking risks helps us to increase our discomfort tolerance and actually know our limitations(instead of assuming them), and it also is helpful to me ridding myself of perfectionism to be able to see things as a success if I tried it. I don’t have to like it or do it well, but I can try it and find out if I like it.

Spectacular Individuals- James Holman and Wilbur Wilberforce. I would like to recommend here a book and a movie. “A Sense of the World” by Jason Roberts is about a blind man named James Holman who traveled the world despite his inability to see. It is a biography and is very well written and very fascinating. “Amazing Grace” is a movie about Wilbur Wilberforce and his fight in Parliament to stop the British Slave Trade. An inspiring true story, that was very tastefully put onto the screen. I mention these two, and I have been thinking about great individuals in general as I have been studying American Heritage and learning about the founders of our nation. I love reading about great people. I admire both James and Wilbur for there fight against great odds, for their perseverance, diligence, and good will towards others. I think when I read about great individuals, it helps me to remember that doing great things is something obtainable. People who are considered great are in reality still just normal people. What separates them is not having any extra ability that allows them to do, but rather that they decide to do despite the odds. Both are truly inspiring tales, and the modern day storytellers of the book and the movie are great.

Three- the number of guys who unnecessarily felt “threatened” by my return from missionary life. Ha ha, that number could actually be four, but three are confirmed. By threat, I am referring to a threat to their relationships. The funny thing was I wasn’t and am not a threat at all. I can’t even really think of myself as a threat :).

University, Brigham Young- I’m getting excited to get out there and start school. I’m looking forward to throw myself into another world.

Virtue, virtue, virtue. . .I read about virtue in my American Heritage book. Virtue was considered by the Socrates, Aristotle, and other ancient thinkers. In the late 1700s through the 1800s virtue was a largely important topic. In “A Sense of the World” and “Amazing Grace” it was evident that virtue was a daily consideration for many of the players and a question often brought up. But now, I wonder what is to become of virtue. Virtue of character would play into so many things if it was more valued in our society. If virtue was considered important Marriage would still be a sacred institution respected before and after the fact. If virtue was still important, Illinois and North Dakota would not be uncovering political corruption. If virtue was still important, The Office would always be funny, entertaining, and CLEAN. If virtue was still important, one could leave the TV on and the only concern would be time spent, not content viewed. If virtue was still important, woman would be respected. If virtue was still important, large businesses would not suffer scandal. If virtue was still important, a man wouldn’t be trampled in a Black Friday’s sales rush. If virtue were still important, missionaries, teachers, Priests, and other various members of society wouldn’t have to tip toe around children and worry about lawsuits fired against them. If virtue were still important, our natural inclination would be to trust rather than to wonder what the “Catch” is.
I think virtue is very important. I don’t think our world is completely lacking of it either. People are still rescued, happy families continue to exist, and honest businessman, politicians, and regular everyday great people exist and consider the tenets of virtue important. But it does not play the same central role in society. A couple examples. .. In Much Ado About Nothing, when Hero is framed as to having lost her carnal virtue, her father in rage says he prefers her dead than alive with the scandal. Its so serious that they pretend she is dead. I’m pretty sure Clinton and Lewinsky did not go into hiding. The character of the individual was valued. Today, character, especially virtue, while valued, especially by employers, is not held to the same high regard in the societies eye. Obama and McCain were never found dueling as Hamilton and Burr despite vicious attacks on one another. (Granted this one may be a stretch. Burr, the winner of the duel ultimately was tried for murder, and although acquitted was unable to continue his political career. In our times, we would not take up an illegal action such as dueling just to defend our reputation.. . Unless your a gangbanger of course. Our virtue and character just doesn’t have that much importance anymore.

Wyatt gets mentioned for just being awesome. And because when I think lonely. . I know his definition of lonely is the closest to mine :)

X is a cross that goes through things to tell you no!

Yesh!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz’s are still something I avoid :)

The Editor,
MARK

The Daily Honky Tonk 169th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
169th Edition
November 16, 2008
11:00 PM

Today, Addie(2) decided to put on my deodorant. . . however, instead of applying it underneath the arms, she applied it as lipstick. Luckily, Gideon(8) caught her in the act and was able to report it to mom. If that seems as weird to you as it does to me (and I'll add funny to weird), then you’ll be able to identify with my feelings for this week. This week was weird. Nothing weird happened in particular. . . but I felt weird about many of things that did happen. Maybe I can paint a little picture.

Everyone I talked to this week, for more than a casual five minute conversation, confided something to me about their personal life. Most of those items were of pretty major consequence.

I set up my schedule for classes at BYU. I chose a major and a minor. I want to be an English Major and Minor in Music. It feels right, but I haven’t got down and prayed about it, perhaps because I just feel good about it already. At the same time, I don't feel like I'm leaving for BYU soon.

Firsts since coming home: bought two new CDs, restarted piano lessons, started recording a song on garage band, went to the theater (saw the new James Bond Movie), went bowling, watched a girls hockey game, watched a couple episodes of The Office, went hometeaching, started and finished Twighlight, and renewed my license.

I wrote two articles for this DHT. For those of you who pick and choose what you read, the first is about Emotions, their causes, and how to get past them. The second is a Book Review on Twighlight (If you really really liked Twighlight, don't read my book review).

Thoughts on the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory
After I had been out for about 18 months, my Mission President sent me a packet of about 20 pages of material on Rational Thinking and Perfectionism. There was a page that identified Common Irrational Thinking Patterns, An article about 12 Principles of Rational Thinking, 4 or 5 talks from Apostles addressing concerns about an imbalance in striving for perfection i.e “perfectionism” and a paper about the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory. As a packet in and of itself, I like to call them crazy papers. When I consider changes that have taken place inside of me, while being on a mission, This is one of them. The crazy papers helped me to balance out. They have helped me to think more rationally, act more appropriately, and to deal with emotions that I used to think I couldn’t change. They taught me how to relax and think about things more realistically. The benefits have been very positive.
I ‘m going to focus on one page tonight. I like to review the packet and tell other people, because it helps in a continuing internalization process that I’m going through. This week’s emotion has been “weird”. The theory goes like this:
A (Events and Circumstances) +
B (Thoughts, Attitudes, Beliefs, Perceptions) =
C (Emotions)
“A” is the factor that you generally cannot change. The Event/Circumstance passes through “B”, our perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, which causes us to experience emotion “C”. Therefore, the only way to change your emotion, is if you change the belief, attitude, perception or thought. That would seem to be the part where rational thinking principles comes in. As an individual, one needs to figure out which thinking patterns are rational and which aren’t. I often couldn’t identify my own irrationality, because I thought my own perceptions were reality. Thank goodness for a friend on the mission who shed some light when he said that I needed to remember that just because I perceive something one way doesn’t make it truth. I thought about that long and hard.
I do at this point feel that there is a way to overcome feelings. Although, I don’t think it necessary to remove feeling; the scriptures warn us about not getting “past feeling”. By changing irrational thoughts and silly perceptions or beliefs, I’ve been able to remove unnecessary anxieties, fears, obsessions, pains, and other undesirable feelings. However, I would add, that sometimes, to remove the irrational thoughts, it was essential to rely on the Savior and my faith in Him. The Atonement, has a much more powerful eraser than my own intellect and ability. It can change thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, and believes that are deeper than we can see on our own.
So, the next time you are sitting there, dealing with an undesirable emotion. .I challenge you to take a moment. What is the circumstance or event that is causing the trauma, stress, etc.? What do I believe, perceive or think about this event? Are those thoughts, beliefs, perceptions causing unnecessary pain to myself? What would be a more appropriate thought? Then, dwell on that thought, perception, or belief. Make it yours. And do me one other favor, check that your new belief, perception, attitude, or thought is in line with the Lord’s commandments and laws J.
As a final note, I would like to add, that this kind of change in feeling is not limited to what we consider negative feelings, but to the positive ones as well. Tired of missing somebody? Want to let go of an obsessive crush? Tired of overreacting to something? Try it out.

Book Review- Twilight-by Stephanie Meyer
I caught wind of this book on my mission. LDS Author, Vampire Love Story, and National Bestseller were all I knew about it. Taryn, being the prolific reader, wanted me to read that as soon as I finished Harry Potter and wanted me to go see the movie with her. Someone, I don’t remember who once commented that it was a good book for all genders because it contained a love story and decent action. That statement was true. However, it is not recognized, at least here as a piece of literature that is appropriate reading for both genders; but when have I ever paid attention to what the ominous “them” say.
Now, having read the book, I can’t say that I’m overly impressed. The book wins people over, I believe, on it’s plot. A mix of mystery, romance, adventure, and perhaps a little suspense keeps you moving through its pages. However, it could not pass as a piece of literature. It does not stop to make you ponder any deeper part of life; I had to do my over analysis to get any of that from the book. And as it’s written, well, it’s written, but not well. Granted, I may be harsh because I had just been reading JK Rowling, who I think is an outstanding writer. But, as I discussed with Caleb and Mom, there isn’t anything deep about the book, what you read is what you get.
The most frustrating part to me however, was the relationship of the narrator, Bella, and Edward (her vampire boyfriend). It is an obsessive relationship. They both obsess over each other. Edward, who never sleeps, you come to find out is a stalker. . .he watches her every night. Bella, is obsessive in her thinking patterns. Their interest in each other is built on attraction and is never built on the foundation of a solid friendship. They form the friendship coupled with the obsession. They are often mean to each other, they lack openness and honesty, and they act impulsively despite how they have the appearance of showing great personal restraint.
I don’t know which part disappointed me more, that the writing was poor and didn’t make me think or that it was portraying an unhealthy relationship. Don’t get me completely wrong. In the end, I’ll say I like the book because it’s plot is captivating and the exploration of vampires who don’t eat humans, seems like an original idea. Plus, it’s a short enough read that I couldn’t say it was a waste of time. However, I opted on asking for a brief summary on the rest of the series from my sister rather than reading them on my own. It’s time to move onto other books.

The Editor,
Mark