The Daily Honky Tonk 203rd Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
203rd Edition
June 6, 2014
7:30 AM

The Personal Narrative- Part 1

    If you ever watch one of those reality show competitions (The Voice, Chopped, The Next Iron Chef), you always get several personalities who are scripted to say something like, “I know my whole life has led up to this moment, and if I win, I will know I was doing the right thing.  It will really validate to others that what I have been doing is right.”  Somehow, their life is defined by the moment.  They were always preparing for this competition that didn’t exist when they were little kids.

    Despite my incredulity towards reality shows, I do think the stories we tell about ourselves matter.  A couple of months ago, I was listening to an episode of This American Life in which a rather successful man tells Ira Glass how he progressed.  He credits all his life’s highest points to plagiarizing a paper as an elementary student.  His English teacher was so impressed she used it to recommend him to a private school, away from the problems of the public school.  His whole life hinged on this moment.  Without the private school, he believed he would never have gotten anywhere.  Curious about the teacher, Ira had a private investigator searching six months until the lady was found.  She recalled the student, but viewed the story differently.  She couldn’t remember one particular paper, she just recalls the young man being on track for success in general – based on that she recommended him. But her recollection was that the school wasn’t that bad and he would have succeeded anyway.  The two narratives of the young man’s life differ significantly.  When Ira asked whether this new knowledge changed how the man felt about himself, he explained that he preferred his version of the story.

    This really got me thinking about the stories we tell about ourselves.  Many people believe life has some kind of purpose and that they are meant to fulfill some sort of mission during their time on earth.  It is only natural that people would look for that guidance and connect the pieces of their lives to explain where they are.  Some see themselves as the epic hero in their story, while others see themselves as the embattled victim of defeat after defeat, and most fall somewhere in between the two extremes.  In any case, people tend to see their life as a narrative of connected events.

    I started to consider the personal narratives I tell myself.

    Here is the personal narrative that explains why I became a teacher.  When I was little, I would stay up late at night reading books in bed.  I would wait until the house was quiet, and then turn on the light, hoping the click of the lamp wouldn’t wake my parents.  If I heard any stirring in my parent’s room next door, I would turn off the light quickly and pretend to be asleep.  Over time, this love of reading turned to a love of writing and creating stories.  I started writing stories on my own and began writing a newsletter to family and friends through email.  The newsletter gave me hours of writing experience that contributed to my ability to not only use English, but to communicate more clearly.  When I got out of high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to do something that was of benefit to other people.  After being a missionary, I knew that I loved teaching.  I also remembered the admiration I had for teachers and how much impact I felt they had in my life.  Furthermore, I felt that teaching wouldn’t be a boring office job, because teaching requires constant adaptation and innovation.  My lack of expertise in math, my less than totally enthusiastic feelings towards science, and my lack of confidence in memorizing important details for history (unfounded I see now), and my personal connections to reading and writing led me straight to teaching English.  Furthermore, skills learned through theater and leadership experiences had prepared me to engage students and to work a classroom like I would a crowd.  I had been prepared to make a difference through a life of teaching.

    Of course, you know my current situation.  Despite my personal narrative, I am not going to be teaching next year.  While personal narratives can certainly be empowering, they are in the end a construct that we build to explain our lives rather than a predetermined destiny of some sort.  Let me illustrate this by writing a few more personal narratives that could explain my life.

   1) I grew up in a home that taught and fostered the hard working values of corporate America.  My dad is the Chief Financial Officer in a health system. My mom learned hard work growing up on a farm and managing a sandwich shop in college.  They both have strong leadership abilities and work ethics.  Their life experiences informed how they raised their children.  In the home, I learned leadership, hard work, financial stability, a desire to work through challenges and failure, an ability to work with people towards common goals, punctuality, and accountability to name a few.  I was challenged to think and develop my own ideas and opinions.  I learned how to budget, how to interact with others in meaningful ways, and how to understand the connections in the world around me.  As a child, I enjoyed creative endeavors and was allowed/encouraged to follow my passions.  I also strived to be my best self at school and in the community, knowing that who I became would make a difference.  Throughout my life, I obsessively read books about everything, expanding my knowledge in any way possible.  We discussed the news, political trends, and business trends around the dinner table.  I was encouraged to consider any path I wanted to, and encouraged to try out the ones that I was passionate about.  I was bred not only for success, but also to make a difference.  Throughout my church life and work life, I’ve been afforded opportunities to train others and to understand how organizations work.  Due to all these life experiences and more than I have time to share, I know that I have the skills to act as an entrepreneur or leader in a company.

    2) Despite the fact that my mom and dad are not particular fans of the screen, I grew up loving storytelling that took place in video games and movies.  As a boy I was fascinated by Pixar.  I watched every single behind the scenes features on the DVDs and read everything I could get my hands on. I started teaching myself animation in hopes I could join Pixar’s ranks.  As I got older, I would sometimes go to the movie store (no Redbox or Netflix back then) to rent a movie.  I was content to spend an evening watching a movie by myself, pondering the story and techniques of the film.  My love of such productions was enhanced because I participated in drama and wrote stories myself.  Furthermore, I love creating music and seeing how music and images combine to create meaning.  At school, my favorite subject was English because it was about how we use stories to describe and explain life.  In time, I have realized that people specialize towards one specific part of movie making- but I’m interested in the big picture.  Because I understand a little about animation, a little about lighting, music, storytelling, acting, and so forth, I know that working as a writer/director/producer is my calling.  I know how the pieces connect and can put them together.

    3) The name Tonkinson and the word food are practically synonymous.  If you know a Tonkinson, you likely know how much they love eating yummy food.  There is a picture of little me, in a chef’s hat and apron going to town on some kind of dough, delighted .  Learning to cook foods was an adventure.  As a young child, I learned how to make breakfast, pick and prepare strawberries for jam, peel apples for applesauce, and make grilled cheese sandwiches before soccer games.  As I got older, I was required to make dinner a couple times a month for the family.  When I got together with friends we baked cinnamon rolls, had cooking competitions, and enjoyed food together.  As a family, we enjoyed all sorts of food.  I was encouraged to try everything, and to this day I like nearly all foods and I’m willing to try anything.  The passion for food wasn’t just in my immediate family, but also my extended family.  On my dad’s side, I remember lavish dinners beautifully set out on the table- sweet potato casserole, fish, asparagus, my grandfather always drinking a glass of wine.  And on my mom’s side, we ate food from the farm made with fresh ingredients- cornbread, green beans, sweet corn, berry cobblers, and eggs plucked from beneath the chickens while watching out for snakes.  From my mother, I learned that serving food was an extension of the heart.  If anyone came over, my mom made sure I offered them something to drink and munch on.  Around holidays and birthdays, meals were carefully planned and presented in beautiful dishware.  Cooking was more than just eating, it was about serving others.  This love of food led me to work in restaurants and in catering where my love for food grew deeper.  The year I got married I immersed myself in restaurant business books, looking to fulfill my childhood dream of opening the greatest buffet ever (darn you Bacchanal!).  To this day, one of my favorite things to do at night (and the one my wife likes to tease me about) is to prop up some pillows and read a cookbook until my eyes can no longer stay open.  The studying of cookbooks allows me to invent and modify recipes on the fly because I understand methods, techniques and flavor combinations.  Wonderful food fills our home.  My life has prepared me to make others happy by bring them great food through a restaurant or catering business.

    I can easily think of many other life narratives that could define why I should work in fields like marketing, writing, business consulting, counseling, social work, etc.  But, personal narratives don’t in and of themselves define which path I should take.

    Personal narratives can inspire and help individuals make meaning in their lives.  And we don’t just use narratives to describe our work life, but rather many aspects of our lives.  I believe that our personal narratives can be guided by revelation and directives from the Lord.  However, if we aren’t careful these narratives can be a destructive power in our lives rather than a benefit.  As the Lord expects us to “be anxiously engaged in a good cause and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" I think He would like us to be aware of the narratives that we write for ourselves.  In so doing we can recognize this promise- “For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.  And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.”

    In Part 2, I’ll explore how the personal narrative can empower or destroy individuals.

The Editor,
Mark

The Daily Honky Tonk 202nd Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
202nd Edition
June 1, 2014

9:47 PM

  
    I was looking at job postings on craigslist when I found this title “Write Research Papers for College Students”.  Curious to see if it was as shady as I assumed, I clicked on the link.  Sure enough, it was exactly what it purported to be.  I was surprised by the apparent hypocrisy in the professional expectations:

      “Please keep in mind that plagiarism and the theft of intellectual property is not tolerated and all work is scanned with anti-plagiarism software. ”

Seems like a double standard to me.

I’ve really enjoyed a number of essays that I’ve read online recently.

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/04/134388-freshman-shames-ivy-league-college-personal-story-white-privilege/

    An essay about “privilege” and receiving the fruits of our labors.  The title assigned by the website unfortunately undermines the intelligence of the writer.
    This also reminds me of one writer commenting on the economics of those who are asking for the raising of minimum wage.  The price of goods goes up if you bring up the base pay, meaning that those who are on minimum wage just find themselves the same amount of poor at a higher price point.


http://msn.foxsports.com/college-football/outkick-the-coverage/actions-matter-more-than-words-unless-you-re-on-the-internet-051214

    I have to say that I was disappointed by the number of grammatical errors in this article – having seen my writing, you should know that I’m not a grammar nazi.  However, considering that it a national news affiliate, I would have liked to see some more polish.
   That being said, I really feel like he nails something I’ve been worried about . . . The witch hunt to destroy politically incorrect opinions.  The author makes a comparison to the McCarthy era, one that I had previously thought of- I was glad to see it wasn’t just in my head.
   In the spirit of the article, I feel the need to continue to assert that I believe in traditional marriage.  I’m tired of seeing people who state their beliefs being bullied as if they have done something wrong.  Following God has rarely been popular, but I’m sad to see an increased disregard for and desire to shut people of faith down when they have politically unpopular views.  I think this is because many felt that religion was a “controlling” or “manipulating” force in America.  If it ever was “controlling”, it clearly isn’t that way now.
   
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/how-to-live-without-irony/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

    This is a biting critique of my generation . . . And I love it.  It is a fascinating commentary on the break down of honest living in our society.

“Take, for example, an ad that calls itself an ad, makes fun of its own format, and attempts to lure its target market to laugh at and with it. It pre-emptively acknowledges its own failure to accomplish anything meaningful. No attack can be set against it, as it has already conquered itself. The ironic frame functions as a shield against criticism. The same goes for ironic living. Irony is the most self-defensive mode, as it allows a person to dodge responsibility for his or her choices, aesthetic and otherwise. To live ironically is to hide in public. It is flagrantly indirect, a form of subterfuge, which means etymologically to “secretly flee” (subter + fuge). Somehow, directness has become unbearable to us.”

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/17/a-life-beyond-do-what-you-love/?_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=fb-share&_r=0

In my search for a different job, it is important to be reminded that work is honorable in and of itself.

And finally, I listened to this one on Caleb’s recommendation: The End of Wonder in the Age of Whatever- an interesting observation about learning and the adventure of life from a cultural anthropologist who came and spoke at a BYU Forum.  You can listen to that at http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=2090


Thoughts on Thinking Outside the Box

    On occasion, we can get the feeling that we are trapped in a box.  Problems exist for which there doesn’t seem to be a solution.  Circumstances seemingly limit our capacity to take action with respect to the problem.  And, the box can feel suffocating if we spend a lot of time in it.  Boxes are not, in fact, impossible to get out of; however, they may require some outside the box thinking.

    The phrase “thinking outside the box” is not particularly new.  It’s use in our modern vernacular is attributed to management consultants from the 1970s and 80s (Wikipedia), who used the nine dots puzzle to illustrate their point.  At times, I’ve come to view the box as an enemy. However, new insights lead me to believe that the same mental/emotional constructs that form the box - circumstances, conditions, lack of confidence, or ability - are an absolute necessity and predecessor to our success.  

   In order to get out of the proverbial box, there has to be one in the first place.  Problems arise out of the circumstances and constructs in which we already exist.  To respond proactively, it behooves us to prepare ourselves through exploration of box prior to any difficulty.  Each part of life contains necessary limits and restraints, whether at home, among friends, at work, or church.  There are rules, guidelines, and principles that guide each facet of life.  These positive attributes are part of the box also.  To fully understand our capacity in each situation necessitates jumping into the box and playing around in it as a child does.
   
    Give a young child a refrigerator box, and it has for them much potential. It can be a house, a ship, a prison, a special suit of protective armor, a time machine, or a life form transformation device if you are Calvin and Hobbes. This seeming freedom doesn’t mean there are no rules or principles that guide their play.  Young children would not appreciate if midgame an adult declared that their spaceship was a submarine (Technically, there is the off chance they might delight in your declaration depending on the fluidity of the moment, but you get the picture). And without cardboard walls, it might be a little harder to imagine the box as a ship, house, or prison.  Like children, we need to appreciate that boxes already have potential. The open space inside leaves us free to experience much. Without this space in the box, or the awareness of it, we couldn’t possibly start to think outside of it.

   After recognizing that the box is not only there, but is also significant, we need the ability to look outside the box. Though we could turn to many examples to learn outside the box thinking, I like taking a closer look at what comedians do.

    To be comical, a comedian uses what people “know” about life to guide anticipation towards one thing and then suddenly do a U-turn.  In other words, a comedian is doing outside the box thinking about life – which requires careful observation of life’s boxes. Comedy is often a commentary on the idiosyncrasies of humanity.  As an example, I present comedian, Jim Gaffigan:

“Some people get so into Christmas they decorate their yards. That seems completely backwards, "Alright, chop down that tree, bring it in here... Take all these lights, put 'em out there...” 

   Gaffigan picks up a plate of what is normal and then flips it over so we see something irrational about our accepted holiday traditions “box”. This kind of out of the box comedy appears in music as well.  In Jaron and the Long Road’s “I Pray for You”, the singer goes to church after a painful heartbreak.  He appeals to the preacher for help with his difficult feelings.  The preacher tells him,

“ . . . You can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you,
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.”

    What the preacher advises is what we would expect from a preacher.  The box is unhampered with.  Then a nice musical pause gives us time to anticipate how this man might change through prayer.  The disruption of our expectations in the box creates the comedy:

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you

   Similarly, a pause is used for comedic (and meaningful impact) in John Mayer’s “My Stupid Mouth”.  The song iterates the problems of saying dumb things on a date.  Having provided examples of why he should keep his mouth closed, John Mayer closes the song- “I’m never speaking up again, starting now”.  His words and the music fade off into silence.  And then, “One more thing.” A final verse starts. The irony - he can’t keep his mouth closed.  Getting outside the box requires us to anticipate what people think the box is and then creatively flip it around.

    If we want to imitate the comedians, we have to think outside of the boxes that we live in.  This requires us to turn the boxes in our heads like we might a precious diamond in our hands.  We need to look at it from all the angles - beyond what we’ve established as the norm.  Because we get comfortable when we understand the box, new problems can be like disrupting a child’s play by telling them their spaceship is a submarine.  Adults also struggle when their concept of the world is frustrated.  But when we reach that moment, that is the most crucial time to take what we know and let go of it.  We have to be fluid and start thinking outside of what we know exists.  But as you may well have concluded, if we haven’t taken time before this point to know what exists, it’s hard to pinpoint where we could go outside of the problem.

    More often than not, to find a solution, part of getting out of the box means rethinking how I envision the solution.  Sometimes we limit ourselves to seeing a solution coming about through very specific means.  The actual solution, though providing similar results, may look very different than we expected.  In “Creativity Inc.” Ed Catmull describes how at Pixar there was a table in a planning room where the intention was that everyone would feel free to speak up.  However, because of the long table design, the head producers at Pixar were assigned seats at the middle of the table to be in the middle of the action where they could hear all the ideas.  Other seats were assigned by the secretaries as well.  Without the management’s intention, this indicated to other staff members that where you sat at the table indicated the importance of your input.  After a number of years, the leadership team noticed the lack of unity between their purpose and the action of the employees.  They corrected this by replacing the table with a large square table better suited to incorporate more people.  They also stopped the practice of setting out placement cards.  People started speaking up.

    While serving as a missionary, President Ellsworth frequently used the analogy of outside the box thinking in trainings.  He taught us to see that we build boxes of excuses around ourselves.  “President, I could do better if not for my lack of  ____________,  or if not for my companion, or if the ward members were a little more excited, or if I wasn’t so __________________, etc.”  He taught us a simple way to work around these things.  “Elder, tell me what you would be doing if none of those things were true.”  You would then describe your idealized version of how you would do things.  His simple response, “So, do that.”

 Suddenly the light would click; the excuses would melt away for one of two reasons-

1. The realization that the excuse was all based on concerns about what other people were doing- you refocus on what is in your power.
2. The realization that it was only the fear in our heads that got in the way.
   

    Example of a dialogue:
“President, if I just knew the scriptures better, I would be more confident as a teacher.”
“So Elder, if you knew all the scriptures, what would you do?”
 “I would use them as I taught each lesson, I would speak up more frequently, and I’d feel more confident.”
“So, do that.”

     Suddenly the vision of what was possible would come.  You could start picking a few scriptures to use, you could speak up more frequently, and you could be more confident in yourself.   And sometimes there were things one couldn’t change- but thinking outside the box, meant looking at what you could change.

    Now, thinking outside the box can’t just be to change things.  In education, I’ve noticed that progress is sometimes measured by whether you changed something, not always whether that change produces great results.  In some instances, I’ve seen people make changes just for the sake of being innovative.  I felt fortunate to work in a place where I didn’t feel that was the case.  Because what often happens when people desire to just make a change happen is that they ignore reason and the forget the emotional motivators behind why people do things the way they do.

    Without appreciating what others have accomplished in the box, people will probably not celebrate the forward thinking disturbances caused by others  “outward” thinking.  I don’t know that people who want to be innovative can get people on their team without understanding and appreciating what already existed in the box.  However, if you start with respect for what’s already discovered, it’s more likely people will reciprocate respect for your new ideas.

    For example, I don’t mind that President Obama had a desire to take a new look at healthcare laws.  However, the legislation went through with such a push to get it passed and then “discover” its consequences that I think he shot himself in the foot.  Good ideas can speak for themselves over time, if that time is given.  If people have time to adjust to a different vision of what the box can be, then they can get on board and celebrate change.  If not, there may be so much resistance to the change, that who will know if it really does any good.  

**As an aside, I accept that sometimes taking steps quickly is important, even without the acceptance of others, but I think generally we should strive for the support of others.

    In reflecting on some of my current frustrations about life, I found myself in a box.  The exercise taught by President Ellsworth is easy to replicate on my own.  What do I feel is limiting me?  I don’t enjoy all aspects of teaching.  Why has my life has felt out of balance?  I’m felt I was either working or trying to escape.  I wasn’t enjoying school and I wasn’t particularly enjoying my time at home.  I started to ask myself what I would do if I enjoyed my job. The answer- I would come home, I would use my time productively and accomplish the things I wanted to do and needed to do.  This simple exercise helped me to refocus.  I worked harder to finish school work at school, to accomplish important tasks rather than just trying to escape through distractions.  While writing this article over the past month, I did find balance that brought the joy needed to get through the rest of the school year and to accomplish the things I really want to do – like write this DHT.

The Editor,
Mark