Monday, March 17, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 201st Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
201st Edition
March 17, 2014
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
9:10 p.m.

   I continue to study out what I should do with my life.  I’m trying not to let the stress get to me.  A few weeks ago Caleb recommended a video that talks about the metaphor of daily bread or manna.  In the video Elder Christofferson talks about trusting the Lord and becoming content with taking a daily help from the Lord.   Those who were in the wilderness with Moses had to be content with a portion of manna received each day.  He gave the Israelites what they needed to eat and told them that they needed to trust Him to provide it the next day.  If they collected the manna, they learned quickly that it didn’t last.  While sometimes eating manna everyday may have been less than they wanted, it was what the Lord wanted them to have at the time – it was enough.  I have had to focus on seeking after the daily spiritual sustenance, trusting that I will ultimately leave my personal wilderness.  I’ve probably watched this video ten times in the last month as I seek to focus on receiving what I am allotted from the Lord and being content with that.

http://www.youtube.comwatchv=tJKmXtoMI5s&src_vid=9kbgg7OT3TI&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_1278565237

   I have also been grateful for the insights of Dallan Moody in a devotional I heard at BYU almost exactly two years ago.  His talk was meaningful for both it’s content and for it’s timing.  I listen to this devotional every few months to put into perspective how small the difficulties I am asked to pass through really are.  His talk is titled, “What Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder” and can be found in the link below.

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=2021


I decided to go back and look at some of the drafts I wrote over the past year  . . .


   I wish that this edition meant something more monumental to me.  At this point in my life, the DHT represents a past part of my life that helped me to learn to write, to communicate, to think, and to start to understand people.  Boy did I think I knew something when I was a teenager.  Being a missionary humbled me and changed me in drastic ways.  I grew a deeper understanding of Christ’s sacrifice for me and how to apply it.  I began to see with greater clarity how God loves each of His children.   As bad as things were for some people, I knew God was aware.  I came to a greater understanding that life isn’t fair and that the only solace for that in the long run is that Christ’s sacrifice will make up for the greatest injustices that exist.
   I had a wonderful mission President who helped me to see that the world wasn’t black and white.  I started to see how certain ideals I had got in the way of living with the even greater joy available to me of trusting the Savior, and of interacting with people in ways that were more productive.
    As mature as I thought I was- I was just as wrong about so many things.   Less than wrong, perhaps, my understanding was incomplete, and needed a lot of work.
    It’s been 8 years since I graduated high school, 6 years since returning from being a missionary, and more than 2 years since I married my wonderful wife Whitney.   So much of what I wrote about- going on a mission, getting married, and graduating have all happened.  In your youth, those goals seem so important, perhaps because they are benchmarks.  They are things that can be accomplished in a relatively short amount of time.  Goals like having a great family, career, and living as a faithful disciple of Christ are not goals that we “accomplish” in a certain amount of time- but rather life styles and behaviors that must be continually developed.
    But, I hope, that in all this, I might develop myself by writing and sharing and thinking and most importantly, trusting in the Lord.


On the subject of bullies

    If you were to drop in on a conversation between Whitney and I in the past year and a half, you can pretty much guarantee school would come up.  And while I have wanted to write about school, I’ve also wanted to be careful.  These days it seems like there is so much negative media directed at schools, that perhaps I feel the need to protect my workplace and my community.  And, I, like all teachers recognize there is nothing perfect about the education system; and truth be told, we have just as many concerns as the outside world.   Yet, I also know that the negative attention compounds problems.
    I’ll use testing as an example.  There is much to be said for and against testing.  But, any good that could come of testing, is often negated by the continual attacks made upon testing.  Students, teachers, parents, and many others share such negative perceptions about testing that it makes it difficult to know if the testing could do us any good.  If students hate it so much that they don’t they don’t give it there best efforts, or believe so much in it that they do worse because of stress, then we can’t measure the effectiveness of the test.  How does this relate to bullying?  Bullying is a buzz topic that can also be compounded with too much talking.  I hope to write about it to add something meaningful, without compounding the problems.
    I remember vividly some rough moments grades 6-10.  I got slapped, knocked down from behind, treated like scum, and was subject to flying foods in the cafeteria.  And while my bullying was not as extreme as some, it was present and memorable to me.  I was fortunate to have parents who taught me that bullies were bullies because they had their own problems that were unassociated with me – and I was fortunate to trust their council.  My experiences contribute to my sensitivity to bullying, but that doesn’t make me some exception to the rule among teachers.  I’ve never met a teacher who is interested in encouraging bullying.  But the way I hear some people talk about it would make it seem that bullying is an epidemic highly ignored in schools.
    If that were the case, then I would have to ignore all the anti-bullying signs, the multiplicity of assemblies, classroom lessons, the efforts of the HOPE squad, and the continual efforts of teachers and staff to prevent and proactively stop bullying.  And despite all the good intentions, bullying happens.
    What I want to present to those outside of the education world is some of the problems I notice in the school community that we don’t have good answers to:

He said/She said-
    As much as I wish that all students were honest and virtuous and true, that is just not the case.  It is not uncommon for precious middle schoolers to come forward with heated, “he said, she said” battles.  The main interest of a “he said, she said” battle is to get the other student in as much trouble as possible while protecting yourself from the consequences.  Knowing that neither side is completely honest or dishonest, there is often no way to tell what has really happened.  And much of school is this way . . . Its not like the bullies are standing there picking on students while the teacher stands behind them patting them on the back.  Real bullies are smart enough to do it in subversive ways.  However, because bullying is such a buzzword in education and in the community, students use it as ammunition to try and get other students in trouble.  When enough kids are crying “wolf”, it’s hard to know when and what the problems really are.

No Tolerance Policy-
         Now, you might suggest that I prevent all rude comments from ever happening in my presence.  However, that can quickly backfire.  If students know it upsets you some will try to say rude things to get a reaction, some middle schoolers will say rude things because they aren’t fully cognitively developed, some students will say rude things to their friends because that is how they relate to each other, and some have bullies as parents.  If I were to respond to all incidents of rudeness as if they were the end of the world, my students would see me as a Nazi (breaking down their trust and sense of a stable environment).  We would get parent calls insisting that their child must have been wronged and that we were unfair, and maybe if it was too extreme it would go to the news and public opinion would run rampant.  . . .

** Looking back on what I wrote, I think most of what I wrote here was a reaction to the news- which is a source of information that tries to gain viewership by stirring controversy rather than reflecting what people really think.   To be completely honest, I don’t think bullying is any different from what it was years ago.  I recently read a blog from a professor I had at BYU who is in his 50s (I think?) who spoke about getting a swastika carved into his arm with a pocket knife.  Bullies are nothing new- being overly sensitive to them is.  I’ve appreciated that some have taken time to write more about taking care of the victims rather than focusing on the bullies- sociopaths aren’t really the type to change anyway.

The Editor,
MARK

Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 200th Edition

**Note to blog readers- I am aware that 94-99 are not on here.  I don't really feel like going back and adding them.  If you would like to receive them and other future blogs by email, contact me.

The Daily Honky
200th Edition
March 2, 2014
8:40 PM

   Per normal, I have several drafts of the DHT sitting in the drafts section of Gmail.  That’s fine.  I think if I had been writing more often, then perhaps I would feel that this one needed a fanfare.  But it doesn’t.  There isn’t anything special about it.  I just happen to have made time to sit down, to write, and to try and finish something.
A brief update on life-
    -I’m teaching 7th Grade English at a middle school.
    -We still live in Provo in a decent sized studio apartment.
    -Skeeter (my grandmother) finally was able to slip from this life to the next after a long cancerous journey a couple weeks ago.  We were fortunate to be able to attend the funeral and see so much of family that I love.  I would like to pay tribute in words- but I haven’t found the words yet.
   
   Though the 200th DHT is without fanfare, it is perhaps in the spirit of many DHTs past that I come pondering some of life’s current conundrums.  If you had talked to us in the fall of 2012, Whitney and I would have told you we were looking forward to finishing school and moving away from Provo.  We imagined ourselves in the East/Midwest area, me teaching English, her being a new mother.  We were a little saddened at the thought of leaving friends, but excited for new adventures.  Come spring, things started to change.  We knew we wouldn’t have a baby as soon as hoped, Whitney was offered a job and we felt like it was the right thing for her to take it, and so we would not be leaving Utah for the foreseeable future.  Despite positive interview experiences, I did not find a job over the summer and found myself in a Behavior Unit at the middle school where I was as an intern.  I was fortunate enough to be able to work there and in a restaurant until I found fulltime employment at another middle school.

    By all means, the new job offered me what I wanted.  Supportive staff, 7th graders who still had some fire for learning in their eyes, and some fun electives to teach.  In reality, the Lord provided the job I needed at the right time for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better job situation.  But the truth is, I don’t love it.

    I knew that teaching would be difficult.  Last year was no picnic by any means.  I also knew the salary and the sacrifice required going into it.  I was told that I shouldn’t do a Master’s first because many teachers find out this is not what they want to do in the first couple years.  I tried to go into it with as realistic a view I could.  And I haven’t been surprised at anything about my job except for the feeling that I don’t really want to do it.

    It’s odd to me, because I’m pretty good at teaching.  I feel valued and recognized for my efforts by colleagues and administration.  I feel like I have success with a variety of students.   I’m very reflective and willing to change, which means I adapt to the new things that I continue to experience.  I don’t expect my teaching experience to be “Freedom Writers” or “Dead Poet’s Society”- because those are false ideals.  Though, I do come home sometimes feeling that the day was inspiring, meaningful, and even fun for my students.

    Despite the positives, I spend a fair amount of days coming home and thinking to myself- Why am I doing this?  I get anxious before going to school.  I don’t like certain politics related to schools.  I’m not convinced that I’m the best for my students (I’ve really had to simplify myself to be accessible to middle school students).  I like one-on-one interactions with students, but I really don’t like managing the class – even though I feel a lot more confident about my ability to do so.  And, though money isn’t a huge motivator, I don’t really find my job satisfaction to be high enough to replace the sacrifices and energy we would have to put in as a family to make the teacher salary work.  Writing that seems quite selfish to me – almost like I’ve lost a part of my ideals about life.  But, we’ve had to pay some bills, and we’ve looked at life costs, and we think, well, we could make the salary work, but do we want to?

    Now, the decision to teach for at least one more year should be fairly easy.  After all, most people say things stabilize around the 3rd year of teaching.  But, we are at the same place as last spring.  Like last year, my contract was through the end of the year, with no guarantee of a job being available for next year.  After trying the competitive market here once, I’m not as keen to search it again when I’m not so excited about teaching.  Also, Whitney will soon have to decide whether to sign on to teach next year at a job she loves- and so far, no pregnancy (i.e. This decision would be really easy if we were going to be having a kid).  If I do get hired next year, it is likely I’ll have to build from the ground up again- no easy feat.  I could stick it out, but I don’t want to become the teacher a few years down the road who is “sticking it out”, that wouldn’t be fair to the students or the other teachers.  That type teacher brings a bad name to the teachers who are working hard, and a poor experience for the students.  I would work to not become that person, but I don’t want to just tolerate teaching.

    Part of my problem is that I have no clue what else I would do.   And, I worry that my problems with this job may just turn out to be problems I would have with any job.  The fact is no job is always going to be desirable- though our society is filled with messages otherwise.   “Find the thing you love and you will never work a day in your life.”  I read lots of articles talking about people increasingly looking for jobs which not only make money, but give them purpose.  Certainly, I’ve believed these ideas.  Teaching, in my mind, encapsulated my interests and is filled with the purpose of lifting others.  So, why don’t I love it?
   
    In analyzing this question, I think it comes down to the fact that I feel like the parts I enjoy most about my job, are the parts I get to do the least.  I like planning curriculum, but more often I spend time on grading and working on discipline issues.  I like teaching- but I enjoy teaching smaller groups where I can interact more on the individual basis or large groups that I only have to entertain for a certain amount of time.  Teaching every day isn’t like that.  Capturing their hearts and minds doesn’t happen everyday.  I try and get there most days for some of the day; but there are a lot of things that are just not interesting to the middle school mind, but still need to be taught- which is life.  I like collaborating with others on great ideas, but most collaboration time gets spent on bureaucratic issues that are less than inspiring, but still necessary.

    So, I find myself pondering new job possibilities.  Caleb and I are brainstorming business ideas.  I’m looking into other fields related to writing, collaboration, management, and people skills.  Writing content for web pages (SEO Optimization).  Maybe human resources?  Corporate training might be an interesting way to teach.  I even have some ideas for manufacturing a food product – thanks dad.  Or even creating resources that make teachers lives easier- though I don’t know where I’d get the start up resources and continued income.  And if any of these things, the question remains, where do I start?  And how will I convince a company of the qualifications I have, despite my schooling being so different.  Lots to ponder.

    I’m open to advice, ideas, experience, etc.

The Editor,
MARK