The Daily Honky Tonk 200th Edition

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The Daily Honky
200th Edition
March 2, 2014
8:40 PM

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   Per normal, I have several drafts of the DHT sitting in the drafts section of Gmail.  That’s fine.  I think if I had been writing more often, then perhaps I would feel that this one needed a fanfare.  But it doesn’t.  There isn’t anything special about it.  I just happen to have made time to sit down, to write, and to try and finish something.
A brief update on life-
    -I’m teaching 7th Grade English at a middle school.
    -We still live in Provo in a decent sized studio apartment.
    -Skeeter (my grandmother) finally was able to slip from this life to the next after a long cancerous journey a couple weeks ago.  We were fortunate to be able to attend the funeral and see so much of family that I love.  I would like to pay tribute in words- but I haven’t found the words yet.
   
   Though the 200th DHT is without fanfare, it is perhaps in the spirit of many DHTs past that I come pondering some of life’s current conundrums.  If you had talked to us in the fall of 2012, Whitney and I would have told you we were looking forward to finishing school and moving away from Provo.  We imagined ourselves in the East/Midwest area, me teaching English, her being a new mother.  We were a little saddened at the thought of leaving friends, but excited for new adventures.  Come spring, things started to change.  We knew we wouldn’t have a baby as soon as hoped, Whitney was offered a job and we felt like it was the right thing for her to take it, and so we would not be leaving Utah for the foreseeable future.  Despite positive interview experiences, I did not find a job over the summer and found myself in a Behavior Unit at the middle school where I was as an intern.  I was fortunate enough to be able to work there and in a restaurant until I found fulltime employment at another middle school.

    By all means, the new job offered me what I wanted.  Supportive staff, 7th graders who still had some fire for learning in their eyes, and some fun electives to teach.  In reality, the Lord provided the job I needed at the right time for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better job situation.  But the truth is, I don’t love it.

    I knew that teaching would be difficult.  Last year was no picnic by any means.  I also knew the salary and the sacrifice required going into it.  I was told that I shouldn’t do a Master’s first because many teachers find out this is not what they want to do in the first couple years.  I tried to go into it with as realistic a view I could.  And I haven’t been surprised at anything about my job except for the feeling that I don’t really want to do it.

    It’s odd to me, because I’m pretty good at teaching.  I feel valued and recognized for my efforts by colleagues and administration.  I feel like I have success with a variety of students.   I’m very reflective and willing to change, which means I adapt to the new things that I continue to experience.  I don’t expect my teaching experience to be “Freedom Writers” or “Dead Poet’s Society”- because those are false ideals.  Though, I do come home sometimes feeling that the day was inspiring, meaningful, and even fun for my students.

    Despite the positives, I spend a fair amount of days coming home and thinking to myself- Why am I doing this?  I get anxious before going to school.  I don’t like certain politics related to schools.  I’m not convinced that I’m the best for my students (I’ve really had to simplify myself to be accessible to middle school students).  I like one-on-one interactions with students, but I really don’t like managing the class – even though I feel a lot more confident about my ability to do so.  And, though money isn’t a huge motivator, I don’t really find my job satisfaction to be high enough to replace the sacrifices and energy we would have to put in as a family to make the teacher salary work.  Writing that seems quite selfish to me – almost like I’ve lost a part of my ideals about life.  But, we’ve had to pay some bills, and we’ve looked at life costs, and we think, well, we could make the salary work, but do we want to?

    Now, the decision to teach for at least one more year should be fairly easy.  After all, most people say things stabilize around the 3rd year of teaching.  But, we are at the same place as last spring.  Like last year, my contract was through the end of the year, with no guarantee of a job being available for next year.  After trying the competitive market here once, I’m not as keen to search it again when I’m not so excited about teaching.  Also, Whitney will soon have to decide whether to sign on to teach next year at a job she loves- and so far, no pregnancy (i.e. This decision would be really easy if we were going to be having a kid).  If I do get hired next year, it is likely I’ll have to build from the ground up again- no easy feat.  I could stick it out, but I don’t want to become the teacher a few years down the road who is “sticking it out”, that wouldn’t be fair to the students or the other teachers.  That type teacher brings a bad name to the teachers who are working hard, and a poor experience for the students.  I would work to not become that person, but I don’t want to just tolerate teaching.

    Part of my problem is that I have no clue what else I would do.   And, I worry that my problems with this job may just turn out to be problems I would have with any job.  The fact is no job is always going to be desirable- though our society is filled with messages otherwise.   “Find the thing you love and you will never work a day in your life.”  I read lots of articles talking about people increasingly looking for jobs which not only make money, but give them purpose.  Certainly, I’ve believed these ideas.  Teaching, in my mind, encapsulated my interests and is filled with the purpose of lifting others.  So, why don’t I love it?
   
    In analyzing this question, I think it comes down to the fact that I feel like the parts I enjoy most about my job, are the parts I get to do the least.  I like planning curriculum, but more often I spend time on grading and working on discipline issues.  I like teaching- but I enjoy teaching smaller groups where I can interact more on the individual basis or large groups that I only have to entertain for a certain amount of time.  Teaching every day isn’t like that.  Capturing their hearts and minds doesn’t happen everyday.  I try and get there most days for some of the day; but there are a lot of things that are just not interesting to the middle school mind, but still need to be taught- which is life.  I like collaborating with others on great ideas, but most collaboration time gets spent on bureaucratic issues that are less than inspiring, but still necessary.

    So, I find myself pondering new job possibilities.  Caleb and I are brainstorming business ideas.  I’m looking into other fields related to writing, collaboration, management, and people skills.  Writing content for web pages (SEO Optimization).  Maybe human resources?  Corporate training might be an interesting way to teach.  I even have some ideas for manufacturing a food product – thanks dad.  Or even creating resources that make teachers lives easier- though I don’t know where I’d get the start up resources and continued income.  And if any of these things, the question remains, where do I start?  And how will I convince a company of the qualifications I have, despite my schooling being so different.  Lots to ponder.

    I’m open to advice, ideas, experience, etc.

The Editor,
MARK