Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Daily Honky Tonk 169th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
169th Edition
November 16, 2008
11:00 PM

Today, Addie(2) decided to put on my deodorant. . . however, instead of applying it underneath the arms, she applied it as lipstick. Luckily, Gideon(8) caught her in the act and was able to report it to mom. If that seems as weird to you as it does to me (and I'll add funny to weird), then you’ll be able to identify with my feelings for this week. This week was weird. Nothing weird happened in particular. . . but I felt weird about many of things that did happen. Maybe I can paint a little picture.

Everyone I talked to this week, for more than a casual five minute conversation, confided something to me about their personal life. Most of those items were of pretty major consequence.

I set up my schedule for classes at BYU. I chose a major and a minor. I want to be an English Major and Minor in Music. It feels right, but I haven’t got down and prayed about it, perhaps because I just feel good about it already. At the same time, I don't feel like I'm leaving for BYU soon.

Firsts since coming home: bought two new CDs, restarted piano lessons, started recording a song on garage band, went to the theater (saw the new James Bond Movie), went bowling, watched a girls hockey game, watched a couple episodes of The Office, went hometeaching, started and finished Twighlight, and renewed my license.

I wrote two articles for this DHT. For those of you who pick and choose what you read, the first is about Emotions, their causes, and how to get past them. The second is a Book Review on Twighlight (If you really really liked Twighlight, don't read my book review).

Thoughts on the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory
After I had been out for about 18 months, my Mission President sent me a packet of about 20 pages of material on Rational Thinking and Perfectionism. There was a page that identified Common Irrational Thinking Patterns, An article about 12 Principles of Rational Thinking, 4 or 5 talks from Apostles addressing concerns about an imbalance in striving for perfection i.e “perfectionism” and a paper about the ABC Emotional Disorder Theory. As a packet in and of itself, I like to call them crazy papers. When I consider changes that have taken place inside of me, while being on a mission, This is one of them. The crazy papers helped me to balance out. They have helped me to think more rationally, act more appropriately, and to deal with emotions that I used to think I couldn’t change. They taught me how to relax and think about things more realistically. The benefits have been very positive.
I ‘m going to focus on one page tonight. I like to review the packet and tell other people, because it helps in a continuing internalization process that I’m going through. This week’s emotion has been “weird”. The theory goes like this:
A (Events and Circumstances) +
B (Thoughts, Attitudes, Beliefs, Perceptions) =
C (Emotions)
“A” is the factor that you generally cannot change. The Event/Circumstance passes through “B”, our perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, which causes us to experience emotion “C”. Therefore, the only way to change your emotion, is if you change the belief, attitude, perception or thought. That would seem to be the part where rational thinking principles comes in. As an individual, one needs to figure out which thinking patterns are rational and which aren’t. I often couldn’t identify my own irrationality, because I thought my own perceptions were reality. Thank goodness for a friend on the mission who shed some light when he said that I needed to remember that just because I perceive something one way doesn’t make it truth. I thought about that long and hard.
I do at this point feel that there is a way to overcome feelings. Although, I don’t think it necessary to remove feeling; the scriptures warn us about not getting “past feeling”. By changing irrational thoughts and silly perceptions or beliefs, I’ve been able to remove unnecessary anxieties, fears, obsessions, pains, and other undesirable feelings. However, I would add, that sometimes, to remove the irrational thoughts, it was essential to rely on the Savior and my faith in Him. The Atonement, has a much more powerful eraser than my own intellect and ability. It can change thought patterns, attitudes, perceptions, and believes that are deeper than we can see on our own.
So, the next time you are sitting there, dealing with an undesirable emotion. .I challenge you to take a moment. What is the circumstance or event that is causing the trauma, stress, etc.? What do I believe, perceive or think about this event? Are those thoughts, beliefs, perceptions causing unnecessary pain to myself? What would be a more appropriate thought? Then, dwell on that thought, perception, or belief. Make it yours. And do me one other favor, check that your new belief, perception, attitude, or thought is in line with the Lord’s commandments and laws J.
As a final note, I would like to add, that this kind of change in feeling is not limited to what we consider negative feelings, but to the positive ones as well. Tired of missing somebody? Want to let go of an obsessive crush? Tired of overreacting to something? Try it out.

Book Review- Twilight-by Stephanie Meyer
I caught wind of this book on my mission. LDS Author, Vampire Love Story, and National Bestseller were all I knew about it. Taryn, being the prolific reader, wanted me to read that as soon as I finished Harry Potter and wanted me to go see the movie with her. Someone, I don’t remember who once commented that it was a good book for all genders because it contained a love story and decent action. That statement was true. However, it is not recognized, at least here as a piece of literature that is appropriate reading for both genders; but when have I ever paid attention to what the ominous “them” say.
Now, having read the book, I can’t say that I’m overly impressed. The book wins people over, I believe, on it’s plot. A mix of mystery, romance, adventure, and perhaps a little suspense keeps you moving through its pages. However, it could not pass as a piece of literature. It does not stop to make you ponder any deeper part of life; I had to do my over analysis to get any of that from the book. And as it’s written, well, it’s written, but not well. Granted, I may be harsh because I had just been reading JK Rowling, who I think is an outstanding writer. But, as I discussed with Caleb and Mom, there isn’t anything deep about the book, what you read is what you get.
The most frustrating part to me however, was the relationship of the narrator, Bella, and Edward (her vampire boyfriend). It is an obsessive relationship. They both obsess over each other. Edward, who never sleeps, you come to find out is a stalker. . .he watches her every night. Bella, is obsessive in her thinking patterns. Their interest in each other is built on attraction and is never built on the foundation of a solid friendship. They form the friendship coupled with the obsession. They are often mean to each other, they lack openness and honesty, and they act impulsively despite how they have the appearance of showing great personal restraint.
I don’t know which part disappointed me more, that the writing was poor and didn’t make me think or that it was portraying an unhealthy relationship. Don’t get me completely wrong. In the end, I’ll say I like the book because it’s plot is captivating and the exploration of vampires who don’t eat humans, seems like an original idea. Plus, it’s a short enough read that I couldn’t say it was a waste of time. However, I opted on asking for a brief summary on the rest of the series from my sister rather than reading them on my own. It’s time to move onto other books.

The Editor,
Mark

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Daily Honky Tonk 168th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
168th Edition
November 9, 2008
7:48PM
It’s taken me a lot longer than I imagined to write a second DHT. I think I imagined that when I got home that I would have lots of time . . . but as I have discovered, I just don’t have it. I haven’t decided to make it a priority. Other things have occupied my time.
As of Yesterday, I’ve been home a month. When I got home, the weather here in Illinois, was the same as that in California. As of today, I’m pretty sure we are entering the cold times. . . at least that’s what snow flurries usually mean.
Some major events of the past couple weeks:
· I’ve integrated into the Singles Ward in Urbana and I love it.
· I finished the 7th Harry Potter Book and enjoyed it very much.
· I’ve spent a collective 10 hours on the phones with various girls J I definitely missed talking with girls. Although, I must say, I think my thoughts on guys and girls have changed. Before, I would have told you that girls are generally angels and guys devils. At this point, I think you can find both guys and girls on all ends of the spectrum.
· I’ve lost five pounds between playing soccer 3 times a week and running 4 miles a day. Five to ten more pounds would be ideal.
· I’ve bought a new wardrobe, to replace white shirts and ties J
· I’ve found out that American Heritage, even as an online course, it very time intensive.
· I enjoyed going to the U of I choir concert last night. I think I may minor in music.
· I watched some of the SNL comedy skits of the Presidential Debates last night, and discovered that I was quite clueless about any of the politics. I didn’t see one single debate. Therefore, much of the comedy, and any real sense of the actual election being important seems beyond me.

Chief Financial Officer for a Day
If you ask me what I think I want to study or major in, my answer is “Education, I want to be a teacher.” But, I still haven’t found myself entirely sure. I decided that since I have some time on my hand, that I would go and find out what exactly my dad does. My dad is the Chief Financial Officer for Carle Hospital. I’ve never known exactly what that entailed. So, I asked if I could go to work one day.
My dad found a day that he thought would show me a variety of what he did and would be most interesting to me. So, this past Wednesday I went to Carle.
The first meeting was a report of the yearly financial statement to a board. The presentation was given for the most part by my dad and one of the guys he works with, Scott. Scott, had taken found me alone in the office a couple moments, and commented that he enjoyed working with my dad because he has good moral sense and is smart. I found the meeting interesting. After the financial statement was made, there were proposals of what actions the hospital could take. Then, the members of the board would vote to decide whether they would take it for approval. I found that very fascinating.
Afterward, we ate a breakfast, provided by the company, and talked with the leading member of the Board and Scott. Over breakfast they talked about the economy, the election, and morals of society. That was an interesting conversation. I enjoyed seeing that two of the men my dad works with are men with values, who are not only hard work individuals, but also who preoccupy themselves with the moral decay of our nation. Another thing I started to see was the level at which politics starts to influence our society and where it can actually have an affect.
Great businessmen, I have noted, are well read individuals. They read about politics, the economy, and many of the things going on in society. They are educated about history, religion, and have a wide range of interests. They are acutely aware of cause and effect, and concern themselves with the better good of society as a whole. I particularly noticed this when I visited the home of a multi-millionaire who lived in Santa Maria. He was a very successful businessman who owned thousands of acres in a variety of places in the world. His house included a gorgeous library with many many books. What caught my attention however, was that the immediate reading materials on his Magazine were Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, and other various current events articles. I’ve become aware that many successful individuals are those who can identify the many causes and effects that lie underneath the surface and then react and act appropriately. I enjoy listening to educated people talk.
Afterwards, there was a meeting with a Community Board that talked about the different health programs going on in the community. Wide issues, such as grants Carle had given, community perceptions of the services available, and whether different services were being used was discussed. I found the meeting to be very interesting. I love addressing issues and then working together to try and solve them. As a missionary, leadership counsels did exactly that, we addressed issues and talked about solutions. I love that kind of interaction. I decided that one of my goals is to involve my self in the community through some kind of board.
Then, we listened in on training for the compliance department over a telephone conference. I actually listened to two different seminars over phone conference. I thought that was interesting. It wasn’t my favorite way of training, but I became aware that it is common.
Dad and I went out for lunch at Miko’s, an oriental buffet. I enjoyed discussing what I observed and asking for details on some things I didn’t fully understand as an observer.
The last event of the day was a telephone meeting with a rating company, where the hospital was rated. The agency observed the hospital’s statistics and then would talk different things out and listen to the hospital’s plans.
The day was fascinating to me. So much of it was a new world with it’s own lingo; luckily it wasn’t to hard to follow what was going on. I liked the office atmosphere. I’ve always thought that I would. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s the professional look, or the image of productivity and progress, I’m not really sure. I just liked it.
I’m not sure I would want to be a CFO. But a lot of the skills sets that needed to be used for the job I liked. Specifically that would include; Having a problem, creating, and proposing and discussing a solution; also, Being involved with many different people and departments, I like being involved with lots of individuals. Having the opportunity to be trained and to train employees appeals to me, mainly the idea of continuing education. I think I enjoyed that there seemed to be a variety of things to do and that the conditions were always changing, so it would never get boring.
Spending a day with a CFO was nice. It’s also nice to know what it means when Dad goes to work. Dad going to work is one of those universal concepts where so often, or at least I think, we have a black haze over our mind. It’s a concept, and there reality is something of which we are unaware. However, now, when I think that, Dad is at work, it has significance and there isn’t a black haze in my mind.


Movie Review
Dan in Real Life
Quite frankly, I don’t think that “Dan in Real Life” is a properly named film. I’m not sure what my mind actually conjured from reading the title, but it wasn’t the resulted viewing. However, my rating of the movie, is that it’s a decent watch.
I’ve just realized I don’t like writing reviews. They seem kind of dry. Or maybe, its just that talking about this movie does not leave me to think deeply about much of anything.
Dan in Real Life is a love story about two people who seemingly are perfect for each other in a book store. So the girl disappears; Dan goes to his family reunion, where he is introduced to his brother’s girlfriend, the very same lady he met. An interesting weekend with the family ensues. While the two try and hide there interest. The film is rated PG-13, probably for the two scenes that made me uncomfortable.
The character Dan is played by Steve Carrel and his special interest, Marie is played by Juliette Binoche(Chocolat). I thought they both did a nice job. I was fascinated by Steve Carrel, as near the beginning of my mission, one of the missionaries I served around decided that I look like Steve Carrel. I of course, had no clue who he was talking about. Now, I’m a little less film illiterate and can say I know who Steve Carrel is, and I don’t see all that many similarities.
The one perhaps interesting thing I took from the film was that it reminded me of a conversation with a friend. We talked about two different types of attractions. One is a healthy attraction and the other being an obsession. Healthy attraction is when you like somebody, but you don’t think about them all the time and don’t want to be around them all the time. This allows the two people to become friends and grow into a relationship. Obsession, is less healthy and usually leads to the parties moving at a more rapid pace, without establishing a great friendship first. Dan’s of course was an obsession. It ate him inside; he acted abnormally, and got jealous. It did not lead to healthy emotions or actions. Watching out for that kind of difference in attraction seems important to me as one comes more out of desire (obsession) and the other out of sincere interest that grows and can see the pros and cons before acting. If one decides to act quickly, they can find themselves in a relationship that isn’t that compatible. The other one will have a greater chance of deciding not to enter a relationship that isn’t compatible. On a risk/benefits, my personal feeling would be that you are better becoming friends. Leave out obsession, and then, become friends. One can “fall in love” with somebody who they aren’t really compatible with. Better to decide that before getting emotionally attached.

Letters to the Editor
I recieved a lot of emails saying hello welcom home. Unless there seemed to be pressing questions, I didn't respond to many of them. Although, I did read them and I'm excited to hear from family and friends and to see that your lives continue to move forward in joyous and exciting ways. I still am getting back into the swing of things as you all can tell. This is only my second DHT. I hope to write a little more frequently, though I find myself somewhat nervous to do so. Without the practice, I feel the writing doesn't flow as easily, but I know that will come in time.

Oh, and hopefully, I've changed everyone's addresses who asked me too. But its possible I didn't. If you did send me a message asking me to send the DHT to a different address. Please send me an email again, as I am currently under the belief that I have changed them all. :)

An Interesting Website about a World War II Escape Tunnel
http://www.kerman94.com/tunnelharry.html

For those of you who are bloggers, DHTs will also be posted on
http://dhtmaster.blogspot.com/

The Editor,
Mark

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Daily Honky Tonk 167th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
167th Edition
October 19, 2008
7:33 PM
Thanks go to the Guest Editor for maintaining an occasional update. Though he comments that it has been a year since he sent one. The DHT proved to be an undertaking that wasn't for the mission. And now that I am back, I have avoided writing one knowing that it would be a time consuming and perhaps an interesting session of writing.I find leaving behind two years of something incredible. Something that words can't fully explain. Words never could quite explain the Spirit of the Lord. We always try and define it by saying that it comes in your thoughts and your feelings.. . but it's the spirit. It's not a specific emotion or a specific thought, it is its own entity. And yet, the other day I was at the Church playing early morning soccer and Brother Smith commented that he remembered how a couple days after his mission he had to read his journal to make sure that it really happened. And in some ways, I feel the same. My goal in this edition is not to define my mission or to share all the things I learned, the countless experiences or the profound depth of change I see in myself and in others. However, in the coming months, perhaps I can capture a little of what I saw. Perhaps you can see I lack direction in where I should begin. Perhaps I'll start at the end.
Coming Home
On October 8, 2008 around 8:00 PM I arrived in the Champaign airport. Six hours of travel was the most time I had spent alone in two years. But I learned something on my mission. . that is too RELAX. I complicate things without relaxation. The time passed quickly. I stayed in the moment. I was not preoccupied about what ifs and how will this play out. The only nervous anxious moment was approaching the escalator where I knew I would see my family. Family. My family. They've grown. Especially Addie and Caleb. Addie went from 4 months to two years and four months. Caleb of course is now taller than me. Nathan has improved reading. Gideon gives me the biggest hugs. Taryn now has some college under her belt and has learned many valuable lessons. Mom and Dad, perhaps a little more gray in the hair, but young, vibrant, full of energy, and the Gospel is still the center of the home.So in the airport were long awaited hugs and then after being released and in classic Tonkinson family style, we went for Custard. The main question I get is "How do you feel? " How are you adjusting? "How was your mission?" My answer for all three unspecifically is amazingly. I thought the adjustment back to normal life would be super hard. Learning to relax has paid off. There of course are things that are weird. When you are called to represent the Lord, you are entitled to a closeness to the Lord that is unlike anything else. Spiritual guidance is much easier to receive. I kind of described it to my parents, that now that I'm not a missionary, I feel like I'm suffocating. Like I used to breath in lots of air (the spirit) and that now, I'm breathing it through a straw. But, I am no longer called to do the same thing, therefore I am not permitted the same privileges. Not exactly the same anyway. The spirit is still present, but not as constant.Hearing music was weird. Watching my first movie after being home for a week was weird. Finding out that I could connect so quickly to thousands of people on Facebook is crazy. Having a robot that cleans our kitchen floor was confusing. Typing on an Apple is different. I don't have the same amount of purpose anymore. I have the purpose of preparing to meet my God. But, well, when you are on full time service for the Lord, every day is filled with purpose, everything you do is for His kingdom. And at home, you can do a lot of that. But much of what I do now lacks significance. There is much I must take care of. . .but it has little to do with helping others to come closer to Christ. Suddenly a rush of emotions comes back. Hmmm. .. let me try and define this. On the mission, the Spirit would come and remove irrationalities and because your separate from music and movies and much other media, you are disattached. . .i think that's the word. But I still can't decide. They say returned missionaries are weird for a while. . .and I can tell that I am. It's alright.
Returning to Writing
The above parts of the DHT was written I believe on Thursday. It is now Sunday. As I started to write a DHT I found the emotions connected a little strange and stopped. However, I spent the last couple hours rereading Harry Potter 6 (I couldn't remember it well enough to start book 7). J.K. Rowling is such a talented writer that I desired to sit down at the keyboard again and go at it. Today I gave my homecoming talk in Church. I talked about Missionary Work and the Gathering of Israel and I talk the Priest's Quorum class about Preach My Gospel, the missionary guidebook that gives great insight to studying, teaching, and becoming converted by the spirit. Last night I attended a singles ward party. I was pleased with myself. I introduced myself to everyone there and it wasn't too terribly awkward. Yet, I could sense my own weirdness as a returned missionary. .. .. returned missionary? Those words are almost too weird. Their implications are great. I completed one more of the adventures I spent my life planning for and it also means the next is impending.. .finding my next companion might we say. I once again find myself in limbo. Like the waiting place in Dr. Suess's book "Oh the Places You'll Go". Yet, I've decided to keep myself occupied. I'm taking a couple independent study classes through BYU to get ahead on credits before I go to BYU. I think I may look for a job. . .perhaps through the school district. Over the past two years, my mind has become more and more warm to the idea of teaching. It seems to call to me, though I still have my doubts. My personal feeling is that for me it would be a very rewarding job that I could enjoy. My questions hinge somewhat on supporting a family. Well, I guess that's all I have for now. To my friends in California, you have now become recipients of the DHT. This is pretty much my first contact with most of you. To you each I say hello and send my love. As a side note this DHT is formatted differently than normally. Usually I try and share things that might invite discussion from others. As I have not written any DHTs in two years, there are no responses to share. But feel free to share your thoughts and feelings as DHTs come your way. I also look forward to enjoying the commentaries and connections with old friends. If anyone has specific questions they would like me to address in the upcoming DHTs, feel free to send questions my way.
The Editor, Mark