Friday, June 6, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 203rd Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
203rd Edition
June 6, 2014
7:30 AM

The Personal Narrative- Part 1

    If you ever watch one of those reality show competitions (The Voice, Chopped, The Next Iron Chef), you always get several personalities who are scripted to say something like, “I know my whole life has led up to this moment, and if I win, I will know I was doing the right thing.  It will really validate to others that what I have been doing is right.”  Somehow, their life is defined by the moment.  They were always preparing for this competition that didn’t exist when they were little kids.

    Despite my incredulity towards reality shows, I do think the stories we tell about ourselves matter.  A couple of months ago, I was listening to an episode of This American Life in which a rather successful man tells Ira Glass how he progressed.  He credits all his life’s highest points to plagiarizing a paper as an elementary student.  His English teacher was so impressed she used it to recommend him to a private school, away from the problems of the public school.  His whole life hinged on this moment.  Without the private school, he believed he would never have gotten anywhere.  Curious about the teacher, Ira had a private investigator searching six months until the lady was found.  She recalled the student, but viewed the story differently.  She couldn’t remember one particular paper, she just recalls the young man being on track for success in general – based on that she recommended him. But her recollection was that the school wasn’t that bad and he would have succeeded anyway.  The two narratives of the young man’s life differ significantly.  When Ira asked whether this new knowledge changed how the man felt about himself, he explained that he preferred his version of the story.

    This really got me thinking about the stories we tell about ourselves.  Many people believe life has some kind of purpose and that they are meant to fulfill some sort of mission during their time on earth.  It is only natural that people would look for that guidance and connect the pieces of their lives to explain where they are.  Some see themselves as the epic hero in their story, while others see themselves as the embattled victim of defeat after defeat, and most fall somewhere in between the two extremes.  In any case, people tend to see their life as a narrative of connected events.

    I started to consider the personal narratives I tell myself.

    Here is the personal narrative that explains why I became a teacher.  When I was little, I would stay up late at night reading books in bed.  I would wait until the house was quiet, and then turn on the light, hoping the click of the lamp wouldn’t wake my parents.  If I heard any stirring in my parent’s room next door, I would turn off the light quickly and pretend to be asleep.  Over time, this love of reading turned to a love of writing and creating stories.  I started writing stories on my own and began writing a newsletter to family and friends through email.  The newsletter gave me hours of writing experience that contributed to my ability to not only use English, but to communicate more clearly.  When I got out of high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to do something that was of benefit to other people.  After being a missionary, I knew that I loved teaching.  I also remembered the admiration I had for teachers and how much impact I felt they had in my life.  Furthermore, I felt that teaching wouldn’t be a boring office job, because teaching requires constant adaptation and innovation.  My lack of expertise in math, my less than totally enthusiastic feelings towards science, and my lack of confidence in memorizing important details for history (unfounded I see now), and my personal connections to reading and writing led me straight to teaching English.  Furthermore, skills learned through theater and leadership experiences had prepared me to engage students and to work a classroom like I would a crowd.  I had been prepared to make a difference through a life of teaching.

    Of course, you know my current situation.  Despite my personal narrative, I am not going to be teaching next year.  While personal narratives can certainly be empowering, they are in the end a construct that we build to explain our lives rather than a predetermined destiny of some sort.  Let me illustrate this by writing a few more personal narratives that could explain my life.

   1) I grew up in a home that taught and fostered the hard working values of corporate America.  My dad is the Chief Financial Officer in a health system. My mom learned hard work growing up on a farm and managing a sandwich shop in college.  They both have strong leadership abilities and work ethics.  Their life experiences informed how they raised their children.  In the home, I learned leadership, hard work, financial stability, a desire to work through challenges and failure, an ability to work with people towards common goals, punctuality, and accountability to name a few.  I was challenged to think and develop my own ideas and opinions.  I learned how to budget, how to interact with others in meaningful ways, and how to understand the connections in the world around me.  As a child, I enjoyed creative endeavors and was allowed/encouraged to follow my passions.  I also strived to be my best self at school and in the community, knowing that who I became would make a difference.  Throughout my life, I obsessively read books about everything, expanding my knowledge in any way possible.  We discussed the news, political trends, and business trends around the dinner table.  I was encouraged to consider any path I wanted to, and encouraged to try out the ones that I was passionate about.  I was bred not only for success, but also to make a difference.  Throughout my church life and work life, I’ve been afforded opportunities to train others and to understand how organizations work.  Due to all these life experiences and more than I have time to share, I know that I have the skills to act as an entrepreneur or leader in a company.

    2) Despite the fact that my mom and dad are not particular fans of the screen, I grew up loving storytelling that took place in video games and movies.  As a boy I was fascinated by Pixar.  I watched every single behind the scenes features on the DVDs and read everything I could get my hands on. I started teaching myself animation in hopes I could join Pixar’s ranks.  As I got older, I would sometimes go to the movie store (no Redbox or Netflix back then) to rent a movie.  I was content to spend an evening watching a movie by myself, pondering the story and techniques of the film.  My love of such productions was enhanced because I participated in drama and wrote stories myself.  Furthermore, I love creating music and seeing how music and images combine to create meaning.  At school, my favorite subject was English because it was about how we use stories to describe and explain life.  In time, I have realized that people specialize towards one specific part of movie making- but I’m interested in the big picture.  Because I understand a little about animation, a little about lighting, music, storytelling, acting, and so forth, I know that working as a writer/director/producer is my calling.  I know how the pieces connect and can put them together.

    3) The name Tonkinson and the word food are practically synonymous.  If you know a Tonkinson, you likely know how much they love eating yummy food.  There is a picture of little me, in a chef’s hat and apron going to town on some kind of dough, delighted .  Learning to cook foods was an adventure.  As a young child, I learned how to make breakfast, pick and prepare strawberries for jam, peel apples for applesauce, and make grilled cheese sandwiches before soccer games.  As I got older, I was required to make dinner a couple times a month for the family.  When I got together with friends we baked cinnamon rolls, had cooking competitions, and enjoyed food together.  As a family, we enjoyed all sorts of food.  I was encouraged to try everything, and to this day I like nearly all foods and I’m willing to try anything.  The passion for food wasn’t just in my immediate family, but also my extended family.  On my dad’s side, I remember lavish dinners beautifully set out on the table- sweet potato casserole, fish, asparagus, my grandfather always drinking a glass of wine.  And on my mom’s side, we ate food from the farm made with fresh ingredients- cornbread, green beans, sweet corn, berry cobblers, and eggs plucked from beneath the chickens while watching out for snakes.  From my mother, I learned that serving food was an extension of the heart.  If anyone came over, my mom made sure I offered them something to drink and munch on.  Around holidays and birthdays, meals were carefully planned and presented in beautiful dishware.  Cooking was more than just eating, it was about serving others.  This love of food led me to work in restaurants and in catering where my love for food grew deeper.  The year I got married I immersed myself in restaurant business books, looking to fulfill my childhood dream of opening the greatest buffet ever (darn you Bacchanal!).  To this day, one of my favorite things to do at night (and the one my wife likes to tease me about) is to prop up some pillows and read a cookbook until my eyes can no longer stay open.  The studying of cookbooks allows me to invent and modify recipes on the fly because I understand methods, techniques and flavor combinations.  Wonderful food fills our home.  My life has prepared me to make others happy by bring them great food through a restaurant or catering business.

    I can easily think of many other life narratives that could define why I should work in fields like marketing, writing, business consulting, counseling, social work, etc.  But, personal narratives don’t in and of themselves define which path I should take.

    Personal narratives can inspire and help individuals make meaning in their lives.  And we don’t just use narratives to describe our work life, but rather many aspects of our lives.  I believe that our personal narratives can be guided by revelation and directives from the Lord.  However, if we aren’t careful these narratives can be a destructive power in our lives rather than a benefit.  As the Lord expects us to “be anxiously engaged in a good cause and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" I think He would like us to be aware of the narratives that we write for ourselves.  In so doing we can recognize this promise- “For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.  And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.”

    In Part 2, I’ll explore how the personal narrative can empower or destroy individuals.

The Editor,
Mark

Sunday, June 1, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 202nd Edition


The Daily Honky Tonk
202nd Edition
June 1, 2014
9:47 PM

  
    
I was looking at job postings on craigslist when I found this title “Write Research Papers for College Students”.  Curious to see if it was as shady as I assumed, I clicked on the link.  Sure enough, it was exactly what it purported to be.  I was surprised by the apparent hypocrisy in the professional expectations:

      “Please keep in mind that plagiarism and the theft of intellectual property is not tolerated and all work is scanned with anti-plagiarism software. ”

Seems like a double standard to me.

I’ve really enjoyed a number of essays that I’ve read online recently.

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/04/134388-freshman-shames-ivy-league-college-personal-story-white-privilege/

    An essay about “privilege” and receiving the fruits of our labors.  The title assigned by the website unfortunately undermines the intelligence of the writer.
    This also reminds me of one writer commenting on the economics of those who are asking for the raising of minimum wage.  The price of goods goes up if you bring up the base pay, meaning that those who are on minimum wage just find themselves the same amount of poor at a higher price point.


http://msn.foxsports.com/college-football/outkick-the-coverage/actions-matter-more-than-words-unless-you-re-on-the-internet-051214

    I have to say that I was disappointed by the number of grammatical errors in this article – having seen my writing, you should know that I’m not a grammar nazi.  However, considering that it a national news affiliate, I would have liked to see some more polish.
   That being said, I really feel like he nails something I’ve been worried about . . . The witch hunt to destroy politically incorrect opinions.  The author makes a comparison to the McCarthy era, one that I had previously thought of- I was glad to see it wasn’t just in my head.
   In the spirit of the article, I feel the need to continue to assert that I believe in traditional marriage.  I’m tired of seeing people who state their beliefs being bullied as if they have done something wrong.  Following God has rarely been popular, but I’m sad to see an increased disregard for and desire to shut people of faith down when they have politically unpopular views.  I think this is because many felt that religion was a “controlling” or “manipulating” force in America.  If it ever was “controlling”, it clearly isn’t that way now.
   
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/how-to-live-without-irony/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

    This is a biting critique of my generation . . . And I love it.  It is a fascinating commentary on the break down of honest living in our society.

“Take, for example, an ad that calls itself an ad, makes fun of its own format, and attempts to lure its target market to laugh at and with it. It pre-emptively acknowledges its own failure to accomplish anything meaningful. No attack can be set against it, as it has already conquered itself. The ironic frame functions as a shield against criticism. The same goes for ironic living. Irony is the most self-defensive mode, as it allows a person to dodge responsibility for his or her choices, aesthetic and otherwise. To live ironically is to hide in public. It is flagrantly indirect, a form of subterfuge, which means etymologically to “secretly flee” (subter + fuge). Somehow, directness has become unbearable to us.”

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/05/17/a-life-beyond-do-what-you-love/?_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=fb-share&_r=0

In my search for a different job, it is important to be reminded that work is honorable in and of itself.

And finally, I listened to this one on Caleb’s recommendation: The End of Wonder in the Age of Whatever- an interesting observation about learning and the adventure of life from a cultural anthropologist who came and spoke at a BYU Forum.  You can listen to that at http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=2090


Thoughts on Thinking Outside the Box

    On occasion, we can get the feeling that we are trapped in a box.  Problems exist for which there doesn’t seem to be a solution.  Circumstances seemingly limit our capacity to take action with respect to the problem.  And, the box can feel suffocating if we spend a lot of time in it.  Boxes are not, in fact, impossible to get out of; however, they may require some outside the box thinking.

    The phrase “thinking outside the box” is not particularly new.  It’s use in our modern vernacular is attributed to management consultants from the 1970s and 80s (Wikipedia), who used the nine dots puzzle to illustrate their point.  At times, I’ve come to view the box as an enemy. However, new insights lead me to believe that the same mental/emotional constructs that form the box - circumstances, conditions, lack of confidence, or ability - are an absolute necessity and predecessor to our success.  

   In order to get out of the proverbial box, there has to be one in the first place.  Problems arise out of the circumstances and constructs in which we already exist.  To respond proactively, it behooves us to prepare ourselves through exploration of box prior to any difficulty.  Each part of life contains necessary limits and restraints, whether at home, among friends, at work, or church.  There are rules, guidelines, and principles that guide each facet of life.  These positive attributes are part of the box also.  To fully understand our capacity in each situation necessitates jumping into the box and playing around in it as a child does.
   
    Give a young child a refrigerator box, and it has for them much potential. It can be a house, a ship, a prison, a special suit of protective armor, a time machine, or a life form transformation device if you are Calvin and Hobbes. This seeming freedom doesn’t mean there are no rules or principles that guide their play.  Young children would not appreciate if midgame an adult declared that their spaceship was a submarine (Technically, there is the off chance they might delight in your declaration depending on the fluidity of the moment, but you get the picture). And without cardboard walls, it might be a little harder to imagine the box as a ship, house, or prison.  Like children, we need to appreciate that boxes already have potential. The open space inside leaves us free to experience much. Without this space in the box, or the awareness of it, we couldn’t possibly start to think outside of it.

   After recognizing that the box is not only there, but is also significant, we need the ability to look outside the box. Though we could turn to many examples to learn outside the box thinking, I like taking a closer look at what comedians do.

    To be comical, a comedian uses what people “know” about life to guide anticipation towards one thing and then suddenly do a U-turn.  In other words, a comedian is doing outside the box thinking about life – which requires careful observation of life’s boxes. Comedy is often a commentary on the idiosyncrasies of humanity.  As an example, I present comedian, Jim Gaffigan:

“Some people get so into Christmas they decorate their yards. That seems completely backwards, "Alright, chop down that tree, bring it in here... Take all these lights, put 'em out there...” 

   Gaffigan picks up a plate of what is normal and then flips it over so we see something irrational about our accepted holiday traditions “box”. This kind of out of the box comedy appears in music as well.  In Jaron and the Long Road’s “I Pray for You”, the singer goes to church after a painful heartbreak.  He appeals to the preacher for help with his difficult feelings.  The preacher tells him,

“ . . . You can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you,
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.”

    What the preacher advises is what we would expect from a preacher.  The box is unhampered with.  Then a nice musical pause gives us time to anticipate how this man might change through prayer.  The disruption of our expectations in the box creates the comedy:

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
   Similarly, a pause is used for comedic (and meaningful impact) in John Mayer’s “My Stupid Mouth”.  The song iterates the problems of saying dumb things on a date.  Having provided examples of why he should keep his mouth closed, John Mayer closes the song- “I’m never speaking up again, starting now”.  His words and the music fade off into silence.  And then, “One more thing.” A final verse starts. The irony - he can’t keep his mouth closed.  Getting outside the box requires us to anticipate what people think the box is and then creatively flip it around.

    If we want to imitate the comedians, we have to think outside of the boxes that we live in.  This requires us to turn the boxes in our heads like we might a precious diamond in our hands.  We need to look at it from all the angles - beyond what we’ve established as the norm.  Because we get comfortable when we understand the box, new problems can be like disrupting a child’s play by telling them their spaceship is a submarine.  Adults also struggle when their concept of the world is frustrated.  But when we reach that moment, that is the most crucial time to take what we know and let go of it.  We have to be fluid and start thinking outside of what we know exists.  But as you may well have concluded, if we haven’t taken time before this point to know what exists, it’s hard to pinpoint where we could go outside of the problem.

    More often than not, to find a solution, part of getting out of the box means rethinking how I envision the solution.  Sometimes we limit ourselves to seeing a solution coming about through very specific means.  The actual solution, though providing similar results, may look very different than we expected.  In “Creativity Inc.” Ed Catmull describes how at Pixar there was a table in a planning room where the intention was that everyone would feel free to speak up.  However, because of the long table design, the head producers at Pixar were assigned seats at the middle of the table to be in the middle of the action where they could hear all the ideas.  Other seats were assigned by the secretaries as well.  Without the management’s intention, this indicated to other staff members that where you sat at the table indicated the importance of your input.  After a number of years, the leadership team noticed the lack of unity between their purpose and the action of the employees.  They corrected this by replacing the table with a large square table better suited to incorporate more people.  They also stopped the practice of setting out placement cards.  People started speaking up.

    While serving as a missionary, President Ellsworth frequently used the analogy of outside the box thinking in trainings.  He taught us to see that we build boxes of excuses around ourselves.  “President, I could do better if not for my lack of  ____________,  or if not for my companion, or if the ward members were a little more excited, or if I wasn’t so __________________, etc.”  He taught us a simple way to work around these things.  “Elder, tell me what you would be doing if none of those things were true.”  You would then describe your idealized version of how you would do things.  His simple response, “So, do that.”

 Suddenly the light would click; the excuses would melt away for one of two reasons-

  1. The realization that the excuse was all based on concerns about what other people were doing- you refocus on what is in your power.
  2. The realization that it was only the fear in our heads that got in the way.

    Example of a dialogue:
“President, if I just knew the scriptures better, I would be more confident as a teacher.”
“So Elder, if you knew all the scriptures, what would you do?”
 “I would use them as I taught each lesson, I would speak up more frequently, and I’d feel more confident.”
“So, do that.”

     Suddenly the vision of what was possible would come.  You could start picking a few scriptures to use, you could speak up more frequently, and you could be more confident in yourself.   And sometimes there were things one couldn’t change- but thinking outside the box, meant looking at what you could change.

    Now, thinking outside the box can’t just be to change things.  In education, I’ve noticed that progress is sometimes measured by whether you changed something, not always whether that change produces great results.  In some instances, I’ve seen people make changes just for the sake of being innovative.  I felt fortunate to work in a place where I didn’t feel that was the case.  Because what often happens when people desire to just make a change happen is that they ignore reason and the forget the emotional motivators behind why people do things the way they do.

    Without appreciating what others have accomplished in the box, people will probably not celebrate the forward thinking disturbances caused by others  “outward” thinking.  I don’t know that people who want to be innovative can get people on their team without understanding and appreciating what already existed in the box.  However, if you start with respect for what’s already discovered, it’s more likely people will reciprocate respect for your new ideas.

    For example, I don’t mind that President Obama had a desire to take a new look at healthcare laws.  However, the legislation went through with such a push to get it passed and then “discover” its consequences that I think he shot himself in the foot.  Good ideas can speak for themselves over time, if that time is given.  If people have time to adjust to a different vision of what the box can be, then they can get on board and celebrate change.  If not, there may be so much resistance to the change, that who will know if it really does any good.  

**As an aside, I accept that sometimes taking steps quickly is important, even without the acceptance of others, but I think generally we should strive for the support of others.

    In reflecting on some of my current frustrations about life, I found myself in a box.  The exercise taught by President Ellsworth is easy to replicate on my own.  What do I feel is limiting me?  I don’t enjoy all aspects of teaching.  Why has my life has felt out of balance?  I’m felt I was either working or trying to escape.  I wasn’t enjoying school and I wasn’t particularly enjoying my time at home.  I started to ask myself what I would do if I enjoyed my job. The answer- I would come home, I would use my time productively and accomplish the things I wanted to do and needed to do.  This simple exercise helped me to refocus.  I worked harder to finish school work at school, to accomplish important tasks rather than just trying to escape through distractions.  While writing this article over the past month, I did find balance that brought the joy needed to get through the rest of the school year and to accomplish the things I really want to do – like write this DHT.

The Editor,
Mark

Monday, March 17, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 201st Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
201st Edition
March 17, 2014
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
9:10 p.m.

   I continue to study out what I should do with my life.  I’m trying not to let the stress get to me.  A few weeks ago Caleb recommended a video that talks about the metaphor of daily bread or manna.  In the video Elder Christofferson talks about trusting the Lord and becoming content with taking a daily help from the Lord.   Those who were in the wilderness with Moses had to be content with a portion of manna received each day.  He gave the Israelites what they needed to eat and told them that they needed to trust Him to provide it the next day.  If they collected the manna, they learned quickly that it didn’t last.  While sometimes eating manna everyday may have been less than they wanted, it was what the Lord wanted them to have at the time – it was enough.  I have had to focus on seeking after the daily spiritual sustenance, trusting that I will ultimately leave my personal wilderness.  I’ve probably watched this video ten times in the last month as I seek to focus on receiving what I am allotted from the Lord and being content with that.

http://www.youtube.comwatchv=tJKmXtoMI5s&src_vid=9kbgg7OT3TI&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_1278565237

   I have also been grateful for the insights of Dallan Moody in a devotional I heard at BYU almost exactly two years ago.  His talk was meaningful for both it’s content and for it’s timing.  I listen to this devotional every few months to put into perspective how small the difficulties I am asked to pass through really are.  His talk is titled, “What Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder” and can be found in the link below.

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=2021


I decided to go back and look at some of the drafts I wrote over the past year  . . .


   I wish that this edition meant something more monumental to me.  At this point in my life, the DHT represents a past part of my life that helped me to learn to write, to communicate, to think, and to start to understand people.  Boy did I think I knew something when I was a teenager.  Being a missionary humbled me and changed me in drastic ways.  I grew a deeper understanding of Christ’s sacrifice for me and how to apply it.  I began to see with greater clarity how God loves each of His children.   As bad as things were for some people, I knew God was aware.  I came to a greater understanding that life isn’t fair and that the only solace for that in the long run is that Christ’s sacrifice will make up for the greatest injustices that exist.
   I had a wonderful mission President who helped me to see that the world wasn’t black and white.  I started to see how certain ideals I had got in the way of living with the even greater joy available to me of trusting the Savior, and of interacting with people in ways that were more productive.
    As mature as I thought I was- I was just as wrong about so many things.   Less than wrong, perhaps, my understanding was incomplete, and needed a lot of work.
    It’s been 8 years since I graduated high school, 6 years since returning from being a missionary, and more than 2 years since I married my wonderful wife Whitney.   So much of what I wrote about- going on a mission, getting married, and graduating have all happened.  In your youth, those goals seem so important, perhaps because they are benchmarks.  They are things that can be accomplished in a relatively short amount of time.  Goals like having a great family, career, and living as a faithful disciple of Christ are not goals that we “accomplish” in a certain amount of time- but rather life styles and behaviors that must be continually developed.
    But, I hope, that in all this, I might develop myself by writing and sharing and thinking and most importantly, trusting in the Lord.


On the subject of bullies

    If you were to drop in on a conversation between Whitney and I in the past year and a half, you can pretty much guarantee school would come up.  And while I have wanted to write about school, I’ve also wanted to be careful.  These days it seems like there is so much negative media directed at schools, that perhaps I feel the need to protect my workplace and my community.  And, I, like all teachers recognize there is nothing perfect about the education system; and truth be told, we have just as many concerns as the outside world.   Yet, I also know that the negative attention compounds problems.
    I’ll use testing as an example.  There is much to be said for and against testing.  But, any good that could come of testing, is often negated by the continual attacks made upon testing.  Students, teachers, parents, and many others share such negative perceptions about testing that it makes it difficult to know if the testing could do us any good.  If students hate it so much that they don’t they don’t give it there best efforts, or believe so much in it that they do worse because of stress, then we can’t measure the effectiveness of the test.  How does this relate to bullying?  Bullying is a buzz topic that can also be compounded with too much talking.  I hope to write about it to add something meaningful, without compounding the problems.
    I remember vividly some rough moments grades 6-10.  I got slapped, knocked down from behind, treated like scum, and was subject to flying foods in the cafeteria.  And while my bullying was not as extreme as some, it was present and memorable to me.  I was fortunate to have parents who taught me that bullies were bullies because they had their own problems that were unassociated with me – and I was fortunate to trust their council.  My experiences contribute to my sensitivity to bullying, but that doesn’t make me some exception to the rule among teachers.  I’ve never met a teacher who is interested in encouraging bullying.  But the way I hear some people talk about it would make it seem that bullying is an epidemic highly ignored in schools.
    If that were the case, then I would have to ignore all the anti-bullying signs, the multiplicity of assemblies, classroom lessons, the efforts of the HOPE squad, and the continual efforts of teachers and staff to prevent and proactively stop bullying.  And despite all the good intentions, bullying happens.
    What I want to present to those outside of the education world is some of the problems I notice in the school community that we don’t have good answers to:

He said/She said-
    As much as I wish that all students were honest and virtuous and true, that is just not the case.  It is not uncommon for precious middle schoolers to come forward with heated, “he said, she said” battles.  The main interest of a “he said, she said” battle is to get the other student in as much trouble as possible while protecting yourself from the consequences.  Knowing that neither side is completely honest or dishonest, there is often no way to tell what has really happened.  And much of school is this way . . . Its not like the bullies are standing there picking on students while the teacher stands behind them patting them on the back.  Real bullies are smart enough to do it in subversive ways.  However, because bullying is such a buzzword in education and in the community, students use it as ammunition to try and get other students in trouble.  When enough kids are crying “wolf”, it’s hard to know when and what the problems really are.

No Tolerance Policy-
         Now, you might suggest that I prevent all rude comments from ever happening in my presence.  However, that can quickly backfire.  If students know it upsets you some will try to say rude things to get a reaction, some middle schoolers will say rude things because they aren’t fully cognitively developed, some students will say rude things to their friends because that is how they relate to each other, and some have bullies as parents.  If I were to respond to all incidents of rudeness as if they were the end of the world, my students would see me as a Nazi (breaking down their trust and sense of a stable environment).  We would get parent calls insisting that their child must have been wronged and that we were unfair, and maybe if it was too extreme it would go to the news and public opinion would run rampant.  . . .

** Looking back on what I wrote, I think most of what I wrote here was a reaction to the news- which is a source of information that tries to gain viewership by stirring controversy rather than reflecting what people really think.   To be completely honest, I don’t think bullying is any different from what it was years ago.  I recently read a blog from a professor I had at BYU who is in his 50s (I think?) who spoke about getting a swastika carved into his arm with a pocket knife.  Bullies are nothing new- being overly sensitive to them is.  I’ve appreciated that some have taken time to write more about taking care of the victims rather than focusing on the bullies- sociopaths aren’t really the type to change anyway.

The Editor,
MARK

Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Daily Honky Tonk 200th Edition

**Note to blog readers- I am aware that 94-99 are not on here.  I don't really feel like going back and adding them.  If you would like to receive them and other future blogs by email, contact me.

The Daily Honky
200th Edition
March 2, 2014
8:40 PM

   Per normal, I have several drafts of the DHT sitting in the drafts section of Gmail.  That’s fine.  I think if I had been writing more often, then perhaps I would feel that this one needed a fanfare.  But it doesn’t.  There isn’t anything special about it.  I just happen to have made time to sit down, to write, and to try and finish something.
A brief update on life-
    -I’m teaching 7th Grade English at a middle school.
    -We still live in Provo in a decent sized studio apartment.
    -Skeeter (my grandmother) finally was able to slip from this life to the next after a long cancerous journey a couple weeks ago.  We were fortunate to be able to attend the funeral and see so much of family that I love.  I would like to pay tribute in words- but I haven’t found the words yet.
   
   Though the 200th DHT is without fanfare, it is perhaps in the spirit of many DHTs past that I come pondering some of life’s current conundrums.  If you had talked to us in the fall of 2012, Whitney and I would have told you we were looking forward to finishing school and moving away from Provo.  We imagined ourselves in the East/Midwest area, me teaching English, her being a new mother.  We were a little saddened at the thought of leaving friends, but excited for new adventures.  Come spring, things started to change.  We knew we wouldn’t have a baby as soon as hoped, Whitney was offered a job and we felt like it was the right thing for her to take it, and so we would not be leaving Utah for the foreseeable future.  Despite positive interview experiences, I did not find a job over the summer and found myself in a Behavior Unit at the middle school where I was as an intern.  I was fortunate enough to be able to work there and in a restaurant until I found fulltime employment at another middle school.

    By all means, the new job offered me what I wanted.  Supportive staff, 7th graders who still had some fire for learning in their eyes, and some fun electives to teach.  In reality, the Lord provided the job I needed at the right time for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better job situation.  But the truth is, I don’t love it.

    I knew that teaching would be difficult.  Last year was no picnic by any means.  I also knew the salary and the sacrifice required going into it.  I was told that I shouldn’t do a Master’s first because many teachers find out this is not what they want to do in the first couple years.  I tried to go into it with as realistic a view I could.  And I haven’t been surprised at anything about my job except for the feeling that I don’t really want to do it.

    It’s odd to me, because I’m pretty good at teaching.  I feel valued and recognized for my efforts by colleagues and administration.  I feel like I have success with a variety of students.   I’m very reflective and willing to change, which means I adapt to the new things that I continue to experience.  I don’t expect my teaching experience to be “Freedom Writers” or “Dead Poet’s Society”- because those are false ideals.  Though, I do come home sometimes feeling that the day was inspiring, meaningful, and even fun for my students.

    Despite the positives, I spend a fair amount of days coming home and thinking to myself- Why am I doing this?  I get anxious before going to school.  I don’t like certain politics related to schools.  I’m not convinced that I’m the best for my students (I’ve really had to simplify myself to be accessible to middle school students).  I like one-on-one interactions with students, but I really don’t like managing the class – even though I feel a lot more confident about my ability to do so.  And, though money isn’t a huge motivator, I don’t really find my job satisfaction to be high enough to replace the sacrifices and energy we would have to put in as a family to make the teacher salary work.  Writing that seems quite selfish to me – almost like I’ve lost a part of my ideals about life.  But, we’ve had to pay some bills, and we’ve looked at life costs, and we think, well, we could make the salary work, but do we want to?

    Now, the decision to teach for at least one more year should be fairly easy.  After all, most people say things stabilize around the 3rd year of teaching.  But, we are at the same place as last spring.  Like last year, my contract was through the end of the year, with no guarantee of a job being available for next year.  After trying the competitive market here once, I’m not as keen to search it again when I’m not so excited about teaching.  Also, Whitney will soon have to decide whether to sign on to teach next year at a job she loves- and so far, no pregnancy (i.e. This decision would be really easy if we were going to be having a kid).  If I do get hired next year, it is likely I’ll have to build from the ground up again- no easy feat.  I could stick it out, but I don’t want to become the teacher a few years down the road who is “sticking it out”, that wouldn’t be fair to the students or the other teachers.  That type teacher brings a bad name to the teachers who are working hard, and a poor experience for the students.  I would work to not become that person, but I don’t want to just tolerate teaching.

    Part of my problem is that I have no clue what else I would do.   And, I worry that my problems with this job may just turn out to be problems I would have with any job.  The fact is no job is always going to be desirable- though our society is filled with messages otherwise.   “Find the thing you love and you will never work a day in your life.”  I read lots of articles talking about people increasingly looking for jobs which not only make money, but give them purpose.  Certainly, I’ve believed these ideas.  Teaching, in my mind, encapsulated my interests and is filled with the purpose of lifting others.  So, why don’t I love it?
   
    In analyzing this question, I think it comes down to the fact that I feel like the parts I enjoy most about my job, are the parts I get to do the least.  I like planning curriculum, but more often I spend time on grading and working on discipline issues.  I like teaching- but I enjoy teaching smaller groups where I can interact more on the individual basis or large groups that I only have to entertain for a certain amount of time.  Teaching every day isn’t like that.  Capturing their hearts and minds doesn’t happen everyday.  I try and get there most days for some of the day; but there are a lot of things that are just not interesting to the middle school mind, but still need to be taught- which is life.  I like collaborating with others on great ideas, but most collaboration time gets spent on bureaucratic issues that are less than inspiring, but still necessary.

    So, I find myself pondering new job possibilities.  Caleb and I are brainstorming business ideas.  I’m looking into other fields related to writing, collaboration, management, and people skills.  Writing content for web pages (SEO Optimization).  Maybe human resources?  Corporate training might be an interesting way to teach.  I even have some ideas for manufacturing a food product – thanks dad.  Or even creating resources that make teachers lives easier- though I don’t know where I’d get the start up resources and continued income.  And if any of these things, the question remains, where do I start?  And how will I convince a company of the qualifications I have, despite my schooling being so different.  Lots to ponder.

    I’m open to advice, ideas, experience, etc.

The Editor,
MARK