The Daily Honky Tonk 185th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
185th Edition
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
10:08 AM

Being Home

Our road trip was a good chance to take time to talk and learn as a family. As we were returning to Illinois late in the evening on Saturday we were playing a family discussion game. The question card said to talk about your earliest child hood memories. It was fun to see who remembered what early on. I love learning about people. I read a biography about Churchill and I’m working on McCullough’s massive John Adam’s biography. As I’ve gotten older, its nice to get new stories about my parents life that they haven’t shared with me before. I gain new insights into life and understand more where they came from and how life changes, develops, and grows. One of the most interesting conversations was on Sunday as I was fighting a battle with my anxiety and perfectionism.
My parents started digging into what I was like as a child and helping me remember that some things may not be completely changeable in me because we are born with certain traits. This idea helped in me in the battles of life in which I struggle to love myself. I find myself asking how can I feel so much love for others and believe so much that God loves them, but not believe I can be loved? It’s rather hypocritical on my part. Anyway, I’m getting away from what I want to talk about. I was the first child, and my parents said they were a lot more controlling. However, I would go toe to toe with them on things. When I knew what I wanted, I fought for it. They said it took about five years until they could finally learn that I needed to be presented choices and then to let me make the choice on my own. Things didn’t go well if they backed me into a corner and I didn’t have the choices. If they wanted me to do something, they would have to find several different ways I could do it that were reasonable to them and then present me with the choice. Once I was making the decision I could choose and do what I wanted within there parameters and I felt my need of choosing and doing what I wanted was in my control.
They commented that both Caleb and I have a talent for getting what we want. We know how to field the right questions and we both know appropriately how to press into people’s comfort zones. We both know how to phrase our questions in ways that don’t challenge people or push too far. However, my parents say I’m more likely to go toe to toe with someone fighting for the things I want. Caleb is better at leaving things alone when he knows he won’t be able to get it. I take a lot longer to realize that I can’t get something.
I saw that over the years, this may have developed into a parenting skill that my parents have that I appreciate the most. Their ability to talk to me about choices and give me a clear view of several choices. I used to struggle a lot if anyone told me what to do. By giving me choices and laying out the consequences they always left the choice in my power. From the outside world most people would say my parents are fairly controlling. My parents actually agree in a lot of ways, and know that at times all their children would agree. However, most of the time I don’t feel they are controlling, but rather they bestow wisdom upon me that usually leads me to make a good choice anyway. I still like having my own choices. I think I have become a lot better follower. I’ve had to fight to become that way. I don’t like the pressure that comes when I feel like I’m being told I have to do something. But, I’ve learned to let that feeling go and when it doesn’t matter to just do what people want. However, generally, I still want control. I like leading. I like being in the power to make decisions. But I work hard to use the same thing my parents taught me. You don’t control the people to do what you want. You give them choices, you lay out the consequences, and then you let them decide. But, there are always “buts”, there are times when you just have to tell people what to do and hold them to that.
Maybe when it comes down to it, this is why I am sometimes obsessed about knowing what people want. I try and figure out what people really want in their life. I don’t care what it is, but I know I can’t be of much service unless I know what they are shooting for. What do I want, other people to be happy. I can’t reach my end goal without knowing what their goal is. However, I have to set aside that goal when I remember that I can’t make people happy, it’s not my job to make them happy, and they can only really be happy for themselves.

New York

We parked our car about an hour and a half outside the city and road a train in. A short list of our activities include:
-The Museum of Natural History (the “setting” of Night in the Museum)
-Central Park
-West Side Story (Caleb, Nathan, and I)
-China Town, Little Italy, and watching soccer while walking down the streets
-South Pacific (Caleb, Nathan, Gideon, and I)
-Church in the Chapel over the Temple in downtown Manhattan (which Natalie told me is right across from Juliard)
-The Met
-Street Performers- music, people jumping, etc.
-Soaking in Time Square
-The top of the Rockefeller Center
-The Empire State Building
-Next to Normal
-The Today Show (seeing Tom Brokaw, Matt, Al, and Kristen Stewart (Bella, if you’ve forgotten)
-And a heck of a ton of walking and keeping younger kids fed and taking turns with Addie on our shoulders

A couple of observations:
-I love big buildings with beautiful architecture- whether it is old or sleek and modern. That 13 year old kid who wanted to be an architect still gets excited at certain aspects of beautiful buildings. A couple of my favorites have been Grand Central Station and The Met.
-Because of the lack of space, buildings have to save lots of space. In non important places like certain hallways and entrance rooms they take space out. I get a little claustrophobic in the city. Subway terminals (not so much the subway themselves) have felt that way too with low lying ceilings and hundreds of people.
-Time Square is the epitome of American Advertising. It’s impressive. Glimmer, glammer . . . And Broadway! A fascinating place for sure.
-Due to the number of TVs down the streets of New York, watching the game became a community event. I could watch the watch the game in multiple places as I traveled down the street. A cheer or groan from a group could be heard up and down a block. I like that feel of community.
-I long thought I wanted if I had the money (and I mean lots of it) to live in the city for a year. It doesn’t seem that appealing anymore.
-I love watching the passing faces. I love the mix of culture and languages that surrounds me. I love the variety of life. Something about seeing the vast amount of people caused me to reflect on Heavenly Father and His love. Hmmm . . . I’m going to say what caused me to ponder was the Spirit. I realized that if Heavenly Father could love every person in this city personally, then that love would extend to me in a very personal way and can’t be limited too my finite understanding. My love for others automatically feels increased.

Broadway Review
West Side Story- I loved the dances in West Side Story. If there was a trade center for talents, I would call up and request the ability to dance- I would sacrifice. . .sweating lots (especially in humidity). I also appreciated that much of the cast was Hispanic. I had never seen the full story, but I knew it was a Romeo and Juliet like story. I enjoyed the theme of facing and understanding racial mixtures. I think I’ll comment on this more in my Ellis Island Section.
South Pacific- I loved that I knew next to nothing about South Pacific. The whole musical was a surprise waiting for me. My favorite characters were by far Bloody Mary and the mechanic who are both hilarious. However, I like the main love story between our old french plantation owner and little Arkansas girl. The thing I like most about their relationship is the aspect of falling completely in love and then coming to terms with things they discover after they are head over heels (this was a lot more realistic and interesting to me then the passionate murders of West Side Story).
Next to Normal- this is a new musical you may not have heard of. The main theme circles around the treatment and consequences of the Depression/Anxiety/Schitzophrenia the mom has and how it affects the home and her relationships with her children and husband. The music is brilliant/fabulous. Right now its competing for Wicked’s place as my favorite musical. The story is brilliant, hilarious (while not making fun of the seriousness of the issue), and there are moments that are deeply sad, but mostly you feel alive and real, and the musical ends on a positive note. However, the only thing you need to know is that there is a bit of language. I think the F word was used probably around thirty times and other language appeared from time to time. But the story is about coping with a real issue that I really care about and I think it was beautiful. Oh I loved it. It’s going on tour apparently on the 18th, several of the leads will be going with it, so go see it.

Ellis Island
To be perfectly honest, my visit to Ellis Island was a far more spiritual experience than I had intended. I felt very connected to the people who came through Ellis Island and the Spirit of Elijah manifest the promise that “the hearts of the children would be turned to the hearts of the fathers”. Walking where thousands had entered our nation I felt gratitude for the mix of cultures and people whom live in our country. As I listened and asked questions of our national park guides (I don’t envy their uniforms by the way), I came to see that the country at the time was trying to provide the best opportunity for people to come. Ellis Island is associated with, or at least has been in mind, a crowded place that people had to suffer through. And while it was, only 2 percent of the people who came were rejected. The crowded conditions came after they had expanded Ellis Island simply without the foresight or comprehension of how many people would actually come. It was interesting to me that people were afraid of the authority figures who were observing them because many’s experience previously led them to believe that policemen practiced extortion, beat, and executed people. And, another fact that I found interesting was that at the time, the health care on the Island was some of the best available.
Now, to pull in West Side Story, and Japanese Interment camps, and any other historical events (perhaps Hitler and the Jews), I want to address my concern about new immigration laws. Laws are important and necessary. I don’t really want to talk about the law since I haven’t done my research on it. However, I worry about the attitude towards immigration on our southern border. Some behavior reminds me of attitudes of hate reflected in West Side Story. The behavior also reminds me of the Japanese Internment camps, or even the shipping away of the Commies. I’m worried that some of the action is not motivated out of love for the law and country but out of hate and misunderstanding.
Even if there are individuals crossing the border (and I know there are a lot, I met hundreds of them in California), I’m afraid of the hatred that drives some of the voices trying to protect our border. I would hate for this to be another stain on our nation. I would be disappointed to repeat mistakes history has already made. As much as our nation has been built upon the mixing of peoples and cultures, and as many conflicts as we have had, you would think people would learn.
The Hispanic community in California is very social and interactive. One of the things I noticed while reading in the Ellis Island museum was a plaque that said people would often live together many to a single apartment so that they could support one another and get each other on their feet until the individuals had enough to go live on their own. Many people still do this when they come to our country. I’ve always been somewhat judgmental of this kind of living establishment, but suddenly reading that line I saw the love and the good will towards each other that I missed when I paid more attention to the less desirable living conditions. I was talking to my Nepalese roommates and they told me that you could go anywhere in Nepal and if you needed a meal and a place to stay you walked into any house and they would provide it free. The people trust and love each other. The Nepalese told me how shocked they were to discover that we send away our old ones and ignore them. While being independent (a key attribute of our nation) has its important and very good aspects, I think we could learn a lot from the other cultures. Sometimes we miss out on the happiness and connection that is available to them as we sit in fear of putting ourselves out there for each other.
In short, I ask that we be careful as we look for solutions in handling immigration and the way we deal with other people.


The Editor,
Mark