The Daily Honky Tonk 187th Edition

The Daily Honky Tonk
187th Edition
Sunday July 18, 2010
10:24 PM

Table of Contexts
Passions
Letters to the Editor
Broadway Music
Other Music
Movie Reviews

Passions

I was out with a friend last night and she and I were talking about life lessons. Life lessons, you know well usually come back to dating for me. She described dating a guy who sounded very similar to me and I recognized some misguided perceptions I’ve had for quite a while. This lesson has become both important to me for dating and for my life.
I’ve told this story a million times I know, but I think it gives important context. When I was twelve I was a chunky kid who determined that if he was ever going to get married he may not ever be attractive, but he could create a personality that would be nice for girls. I knew at that time very well that girls were less likely to put looks first and could see around looks if a guy was really good.
Years later, all this preparation to be a good person has kind of become my enemy. While I mean in this in several aspects, I’ll just focus on one and that has to do with passions for life.
My friend told me that her boyfriend at the time seemed really needy. He wanted to talk all the time, he wanted to see her all the time, and he wanted didn’t seem to have anything he was doing except dating her and working. She found it annoying that he didn’t have any other passions in life. He wasn’t doing anything else. Upon hearing this, my head screamed. . .Mark, this is you, you didn’t even realize it. Your intent is not to seem needy at all . . But I suddenly saw why it came across that way. So it was time to go on a little self discovery adventure.
What is it that I do that is so similar? I cut everything else out of my life and give all my time and attention to the girl. Sounds good on one hand. . .and for really needy girls it would be very nice. . .but I don’t date needy girls . .so . . . Why do I do it?
1)Expectations. . .I thought it was what was expected. Some experience tells me it isn’t .. .and it stresses me out trying to do so. Some of my expectations were set by things people told me .. .but they were talking about parts they enjoyed later in the relationship and not in the beginning.
2)Passions as portrayed in the media. Do you know how many commercials or movies portray guys as being stuck glued to the TV and the wife rolling their eyes at them? The guy is made to look stupid and the girl then tempts him away with sex or beer. But, I also can’t name how many times I’ve listened to girls annoyed at somebody for being into sports or video games or some other obsession which lead to them ignoring the girl. I’ve listened to stories of the same thing ruining marriage. And with black and white thinking as a younger person I cut them out of my life. Sports isn’t that big in my household anyway .. So it’s not like I was really going to miss out on much. I enjoy occasionally watching a game, but I don’t care enough about games to let them get in the way of other things. I cut video games out of my life at the end of high school. I played them a lot. They were a good distraction from my stresses .. I decided I should learn to deal with my stress without having to use an escape method and just becoming non stressed. Since dating has started I found myself wrong. Many of the girls I go on dates with love sports and enjoy playing video games. **For more comments on media portrayals look at two of my movie reviews.
3)Black and white thinking about selfishness. I have a hard time putting any want before people. Its a good trait. But not in its extreme version. When I start dating, I stop writing, I don’t play or listen to as much music, I read less, I don’t go practice with improv comedy, I don’t seek out people to play sports with. I do just what I know I’m required to do, Homework, Work, Church commitments, and commitments to plays etc.
4)Passions as I envisioned them went something like this. If I was too passionate about anything then one day my wife would look at me and say Mark, you come home and you sit there and do this and that and you ignore the kids, and you don’t help in the house, and you are a bum. And I would just be that lame guy like in all the commercials, and in all those marriages where I see the wife is hurting and is frustrated and worn out. I’ve even worried that I’ll never write a book or a musical because I have this fear
5)Cutting out friends- to be honest, I have one really good guy friend right now who I can do things with. Sam, my roommate. All my other friends are girls. Or my other close guy friends are far away. Or I’ve always opted to be around girls instead of guys. . And so I don’t have any guy friends to do things with. When I’m dating I don’t necessarily feel comfortable going and hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends if I’m not with my girlfriend. So I just try and do something with my girlfriend all the time.

The consequences are this. Being around someone all the time leaves no time for the individuals in the relationship to think. It gets stressful. It doesn’t allow the other person to do the things they want, and it doesn’t allow me to do what I want. Plus it doesn’t represent how much time I spend alone doing my own thing at home. But even being home I’ve found recently I have trouble doing things for myself without feeling like I could be going and doing something more useful. This extreme takes the joy out of life and makes me unhappy. I just haven’t realized that it was the source because I thought I was acting unselfishly.

So what time is it? It’s time to take action. It’s time for me to realize that doing things that I enjoy and being passionate about them is healthy. Will they get in the way of my relationships. Maybe once in a while, but I think I’ve thought about it enough and will be sensitive enough that I won’t be like the guys in the commercial and if it occasionally gets out of hand, I’ll already know how to take a step back from the things I care about to do other things. And hopefully anyone I marry wouldn’t be afraid to tell me that I was doing it. This is part of relaxing and enjoying life. And now that I’ve written about it. I can just do it.

Letters to the Editor

Mark, Great post- it got me thinking!

I think I cheat, because my meditation typically comes when I run, it's how I get out my stress, and at the same time I feel like I accomplished something and exacted some control over myself. During my runs my mind clears, and answers to problems just come to me.

There's also a difference between mediation and analization.

This is a fabulous topic for discussion. Thanks for sharing.
Kori
**the line about the difference between meditation and analization was particularly helpful. I was talking to my friend Natalie about this and she said that she thought contemplation wasn’t analyzing but just taking things in and enjoying them. Together these two ideas have been particularly helpful. I highlighted the part on running because I felt it was a very profound thought :)

Mark,
I actually learned the "I need ME time" lesson a few weeks ago (see my blog for further details) :) but I take time to just sing, or play an instrument, or JUST sit and listen to music, or go to a concert. GO do something that you enjoy that keeps your mind activated, but isn't WORK. To me, THAT is relaxing. Hope that helps-? :)
Briana
**I’m going to refer to this in my passions article

Mark,
one step toward helping you relax more without necessarily distracting you from what you wish to accomplish - notice the little things. For example, when you're in the car, waiting, or even just sitting next to a window, look around - a lot of people have forgotten the little things and overlook them, and miss out on the joy and wonder that they can bring. If there are people around, are they busy, or do they look like they're on a stroll? Are they walking with someone, or alone. Why bother? Because there's a lot under the surface.
People are interesting, but my favorite thing to study during my "down time" is nature - the sky's wide range of colors and moods, the insects in the grass and the way they move, the sound of the wind as it moves through the leaves - do you know what I mean?
I've also found that it helps with my patience.

Hope this helps,
Belen (:
**Belen I enjoyed your comments a lot.

We need immigrants, but we need immigrants that want to come here and become citizens. Unfortunately, when millions pour illegally across our southern border with no intention of become citizens, it defeats the purpose and is also an ugly stain on our national fabric. Lawlessness seldom leads to anything good. At Ellis Island, they came in legally and started a new life as future citizens. It is an insult to those who have sacrificed everything to be US Citizens the right way, if we allow millions to "steal" their way into the same blessings. Without the rule of law, we have no country.

Brock
** I agree with these statements. . .especially about maintaining laws. . . And coming in legally is important. There isn’t an easy answer. In fact I don’t have any clue what one could do. Unfortunately where there are laws my experience (in California) was they weren’t enforced, and enforcing the laws was too costly with the amount of immigrants. However, the people who live here illegally don’t gain all the blessings. Without citizenship they are limited to a very few choice of jobs less they should be caught and they continually live in fear of being deported. They steal their way into some blessings but at a very high stress cost. Laws being upheld doesn’t bother me, people hating on immigrants does.

Mark,

I grew up in the country. I learned at an early age that there is a God. I knew this because of long walks, alone in the woods. Provo was a prison my first year of school. Then I discovered the mountains. A place of quite reflection. The mountains can be overwhelming. It is amazing to stand back and take them in. But it is more healing to me to find a place alone (a place that you think you are the first person that has been there, until you see the cigarette butt!) Look at the minute. Turn over a rock to see the patterns of the algae growing under it. Or study the vein structure of a leaf. Listen to one of those beautiful mountain streams and watch the water as it flows by. As your mind flows to nature it is easy to let go of the world. Be in that moment. After your observations of the infinitesimal. Look up, look around, take it in. Always then I feel so grateful and so renewed. It is a good time to talk to the Lord. Not so much in prayer, but just as a friend. He really is Omni-everything. So I don’t think it is disrespectful to be worshipful in prayer sometimes and be a best friend other times. I miss those times in nature. It is hard to get them now with a family and not having the same access to the woods. Even thinking of it now is comforting.

All the best.

Elizabeth

PS. Please oh please don’t spend these fun years stressed out. There is plenty of time for stress. Play, play, play. College was a blast. What a great time and place to be completely goofy! And the more you stress about finding the right girl the harder it will be. Be yourself, have fun and she will come to you.

**I woke up at four thirty in the morning the other day and went to a park a couple of blocks down and laid and staired at the mountains and the stars as they came out of the clouds. It was nice to let go and just try and breath in something without caring what was going on.

Broadway Song List
**These are a list of favorite Broadway tunes in no particular order- this list would change depending on what I’ve seen as of late . . . Or can remember.
“Along the Way”- Paul and Pasek’s Edges
“Stars”- Les Miserables
“I Dreamed a Dream”- Les Miserables
“Dancing through Life”-Wicked
“Thank Goodness” Wicked- the part where Glinda sings “I couldn’t be happier”
“If I can’t Love Her”- Beauty and the Beast
“I’ve Been”- Next to Normal
“Goodbye” Catch Me If You Can- yes there is a musical
“I’m still hurting” The Last Five Years
“I’ll Be There”- Pirate Queen
“I Miss the Mountains”- Next to Normal
‘Without Love”- Hairspray


Other Songs I like- notice how much this affected by billboard toppers
King of Anything Sarah Bareillis –I love how biting Sarah Bareillis is. She is honest and direct. “Love Song” is the same way. I love the way she rocks the piano. “Who died and made you king of anything” Plus I love her body and facial expressions in the video.
Secrets-One Republic- can somebody explain the music video to me? Favorite Line: “til all my sleeves are stained red from all the truth I’ve said”
Angels and Airwaves Young London- I love the intro- I haven’t picked up the message of this song yet.
California Girls- Katie Perry “Nothing comes close to the Golden Coast.” Minus the price, I really think California is beautiful and could be happy living there.
I Never Told You- Colbie Caillat Colbie is in my mind the female equivalent of Jack Johnson . .. Don’t take that literally. They are very different, but their music and voices are both very calming to me.
If it’s love- Train - great new music by Train after several years off the scene “the rest is just whatever”
Nothin on You- B.O.B. - I love the hypocrisy in the video and Bruno Mars is really short
Love the Way You Lie- Originally by Eminem with Rihanna .. .I like Tyler Wards remake.

Movie Reviews
Freedom Writers- good movie. A bit of language. I appreciate it because its about a teacher in a hard situation who gives her all. Unfortunately her passion does ruin her marriage. . That and her husbands lack of communication skills.
Toy Story Three- They pulled it off a third time. . .magnificent go see it.
Letters to Juliet- fun movie, way cheesy, I don’t believe in the destiny crap . .but there were some fun parts. In this one, the passion of the fiance about his business ends his relationship with the girls **this happens over and over again in chick flicks :)

The Editor,
Mark